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How do you work your co-parenting time out with ex?

(5 Posts)
Nikitasol Sun 21-May-17 22:17:04

We're newly separated and are trying to work this out but DC is only 3.5 and I'm really worrying that he's moving around between us too much and that it's unsettling for him. My ex wants him half the time but also keeps springing new dates and times on me which mean that on top of making things difficult for little un, also make me feel like I'm not seeing my DC enough and he's really needing his mummy at the moment. I've tried to discuss with ex but impossible to communicate with him currently. There are times when I even wonder if he's doing it to spite me. How do you work half and half parenting out so it is actually ok for the kids.

Nikitasol Sun 21-May-17 22:20:04

He sent me another date this eve for next week which wasn't planned and mean i won't see him for 4 days which seems extreme. He's very angry with me for splitting and has been pretty controlling so I'm not sure if it's that. But he is also a good dad and misses his child too.

I'd feel better with every other weekend and a night or two and week. Is that unreasonable? I feel he's picking things without factoring in our child sufficiently.

namechange567 Sun 21-May-17 22:25:39

My ds is now 3.5 and for the last two years the way we do contact is that ds goes to dad's on Wednesday and comes home on Saturday. This works well with both our rotas. We always refer to both houses as 'home' and for him this is normal now. If either of us have plans we do try to accommodate between us but we keep as much to our routine as possible ( ds likes a set routine)

It's hard at times basically half the week I have 2 dcs and the other half I have only one but on the whole we have all adjusted fairly well ( having majority of the weekend was important for me as I see that as a good time for the dcs to be together without school taking up the day)

Nikitasol Sun 21-May-17 23:12:06

Thanks. Did it take long to arrange that set up with your ex?

namechange567 Sun 21-May-17 23:29:10

We tried a couple of different set ups - mainly different days each week etc but for us we decided we liked having a set routine as we could plan things weeks/months in advance and ds prefers routine. If he doesn't go to his dad's one Wednesday it really knocks him as he knows it's 'dad day'
Personally I found that other people had opinions on our set up and in the early days that caused issues ( a lot of people decided that because he wanted 50/50 his ultimate goal was full custody and people told him I'd never stick to it and I'd want ds more- 2-3 years later I think we've proved everyone wrong but I know no one will admit that)
It's hard it's not easy but I learnt from having dd that it's much easier co parenting amicably and having a set time to wind down - dd has zero paternal contact so I was adamant that ds would.
We will be changing slightly in September as I'm off to uni and ex will probably have ds more but I'd rather that then child care costs and he is a genuinely great dad so I have no issue with it.

I'm speaking years down the line here tho - when he first announced he was divorcing me I'll admit I did probably withhold ds out of spite but I was hurting and couldn't bare to see him, thankfully after around 2-3 months I sorted my emotions out and it's worked out ok for us in the end

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