tell DD my suspicions?

[libbyliz83]

DD14 has only seen her dad once since Xmas. Many reasons for this, mostly dad's fault and it's a long story. I always make sure she is ready for contact on a weekend just in case he turns up. Sometimes he doesn't even txt to say he's not coming. When he doesn't arrive she usually isn't bothered and goes out with her mates instead. I've seen several msgs where she's made plans with her friends even before she knew he wouldn't be picking her up so I think she's stopped even expecting him to come for her. I do not speak to him (DV issues) and I don't want to stop contact. If he ruins his relationship with her by generally being an arse and not turning up to see her I want it to be his fault/choice. Obviously if she was visibly upset or distressed I would do something about it.

Anyway. The latest excuse was that his mate borrowed his car and crashed it and he's having trouble getting it fixed. No other vehicle he can use to collect her. Obviously this guy isn't very bright because he has photos on his and his gf's facebook pages of them and her kids on days out in the same car that's supposed to be undriviable - selfies inside the car, one of gf getting pram out of boot, toddler with icecream on her face with car in background, then general beach and park ones etc. Taken on there different days as they're wearing different outfits.
I know I have no evidence that these photos were taken on the same day theyou were uploaded but if they were then he's lying about the car. Do I tell DD?

[LozzaChops101]

Sounds like she's already detached a little bit, I wouldn't bother going into it further with her. I'd probably rather not know/think that he was outright lying about it rather than just being a useless sod.

My dad did exactly the same when I was a kid and I ended up just assuming he wouldn't be coming (almost always right!) He was invariably in the pub instead. 14's old enough for her to come to her own conclusions on it. I was a bit younger and having my mum tell me that the pub was clearly more important actually made it feel a bit worse.

[VikingVolva]

No, don't tell her.

She's already working out that he cannot be relied on, not need to rub her nose in the detail.

[libbyliz83]

She has outright told me that she thinks he's lying about the car already. She said she thinks he's more bothered with his 'new family' than her. You're right, I fear confirming it probably would hurt her more than she let's on.

[lizzyj4]

I wouldn't. She'll work out in her own time and way that he's a liar (sounds as if she's already getting there). But to be confronted with it like that would be hurtful. (Although she may have already seen his FB page anyway and just not feel ready to talk about it.)

[Treaclespongeandcustard]

My dad also regularly chose the pub and it was hurtful when my maternal side of the family pointed it out. It made me feel like they were pleased I was unhappy and that it was my fault my dad was crap. I saw his true colours in my own time but their advising didn't help me AT ALL. I know it must be hard OP, but try and stay impartial if you possibly can. Big hugs

[LozzaChops101]

Would it be possible for the assumption that he isn't coming to be made the norm? If he decides he can be arsed he can make proper formal arrangements with a few weeks notice, or maybe your DD can give him a list of weekends when she is free to give her some control? It's shit being at the mercy of someone who doesn't care.

[libbyliz83]

Thanks lizzy - she already blocked him on fb when he started posting pictures of his 'new happy family' as she said. He never takes pics of her when out.
Sorry treacle for that happening to you. Impartial is exactly what I am trying to be - let him be an ass and her to see it for herself.
I'm sorry lozza I don't understand your post?