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Single working mums

(23 Posts)
user1494367489 Tue 09-May-17 23:09:27

Thinking of doin a blog of the reality of single working mothers.

user1494367489 Tue 09-May-17 23:15:41

Do u think people's would be interested I feel single Mums are cast as lazy I want to film one day and show how insane it is to work and be a single mum. Any views?

Studyinghell Tue 09-May-17 23:22:32

I'd watch it! if I had time.

user1494367489 Tue 09-May-17 23:27:56

lol I know how u feel. Just think it needs to be shown. I mean today before work at 9 I've had to deal with dropping 3 kids at different places,one getting sick in the car which I caught in my hand lol forgotten lunch box and terrible traffic then had to start my day at work. Then pick them all up at 6 dinners baths etc and now folding washing. Sick of seeing single mums presented as lazy or felt sorry for!

zozozoo Thu 11-May-17 08:24:17

I'd read

JMKid Fri 12-May-17 20:15:56

I'd watch. I've been working full time since my LOL was 5 months old. No choice unfortunately but to go back financially. How they think working full time, having children to take care off and run a house means we are lazy I'll never know!

needsahalo Fri 12-May-17 20:55:13

Is it really that different being a single working mum to a working mum? For me the true burdens of single parenting lie in the emotional and mental. It's less about what I have to physically do and more about the loneliness of decision making and financial burdens and worries for the future than being run ragged. I was run ragged when married, but less lonely.

I think it is hard to meaningfully capture it because it's such an individual experience. I would be interested to read me watch, however, so let us know!

ZilphasHatpin Fri 12-May-17 20:58:25

Is it really that different being a single working mum to a working mum?

"Is it really that different being a single working mum to a working mum with a partner?"

Fixed that for you.

And are you joking?

user1494367489 Fri 12-May-17 23:29:10

Hi yes I think it's a massive difference being a single working mum. But I'm not wanting to do this to compare married or single mums. I want to show that single mums r not lazy or something to be looked at with pity. I have spoke to my three children about doin this and they think it's great they to have experienced the stigma of a single mum. There is so much on Telly of celebrities showing off their perfect life's for example San friars baby programme but then single mums get shown as on the dole lol I also think it would be good to show in schools to show the reality of being a mum I don't know maybe I'm wrong just feel I have grown over the years and want to show the reality good and bad

BurstBubble Fri 12-May-17 23:32:19

There's a massive difference. Being a single mum means you are doing it all on your own. There is no one else for the school to ring. No one else to make you a cup of tea, put the washing in, give the baby a bottle. Just you. And 9 times out of 10, it's lonely as hell. :-(

user1494367489 Fri 12-May-17 23:38:19

I agree but we do it we should be proud I wanna show yh it's hard but we do it and the kids r good. My three girls have grown to be independent and r strong individuals. Being a working mum has made them extremely sociable because of nursery from a young age. If anything a video diary would be a laugh and I feel a comfort because I know that sometimes it can feel like a emotional and physical battle being a single mum.

ineedmoreLemonPledge Mon 15-May-17 09:07:41

It's completely different. I was one, now I'm the single other.

I was sick last week took a day off, had to take an afternoon off also for my sons physio, he came back from his dads with a septic foot last night. Here I am again with another sick day to take him to the doctor.

Ex didn't think to take him to the walk in clinic, nope it's down to me.

He's had surgery last year with a week in hospital and regular appointments to the hospital with that, now he has a bone growth problem so more hospital visits on top of dental ones, etc

My tooth broke two weeks ago and I was in tears, not with the pain, but with the time I needed to fix it.

My career progression is basically fucked. I'm lucky I have a job at all I've let them down so many times.

Had a huge presentation today. Cancelled.

There's no one to pick up the pieces, I'm running on empty.

There was a film called "i don't know how she does it"

There should be a version for single working mothers "I'm fucking amazed that she does it!"

I'm running on empty. Never catching up, never making anyone satisfied.

All because my STBEXH fancied a bit of afternoon sex as a stay at home dad.

NotMyPenguin Mon 15-May-17 09:16:10

Er, does anyone seriously think there is no different between being a single working mother or a working mother with a partner? Surely the biggest difference is that you have to do absolutely bloody everything -- and then some.

DancingLedge Mon 15-May-17 09:17:08

I'm fucking amazed that she does it

This

megletthesecond Mon 15-May-17 09:47:31

Even non working lp's aren't lazy IMO. Us working lp's are running on empty and juggling and dropping even more 😥 .

GretchenFranklin Mon 15-May-17 09:53:55

I would read it. My panic levels go through the roof when one of them is ill and I have to either stay home and lose pay or run around like a headless doodah trying to make convoluted arrangements.

I gave up and work for myself now but that's a whole other set of headfuckery grin

OllyBJolly Mon 15-May-17 10:08:58

I think it would be of interest but it might be nice to include some of the positives. Yes, the immensely huge burden of responsibility that it's up to you - and only you- if one of them is sick the day you have a big pitch or an important meeting. The absolute reliance on one income that means you work harder and longer than anyone else but still get looked over as you're "on your own with young kids and probably not looking for promotion right now". The days when your DC win a prize, or star in a play, and there's no other parent to high five with.

But there's the fun stuff, too. Having picnics on the living room floor because there are no other adults in the house to tell you that's daft. Being completely free to get up early on a weekend and drive to the seaside. Having such a close relationship with your children because there is no distraction of another adult there. Having total control over your children's lives with no one undermining you. The joy that both DDs know that women can make their own independent way in the world - and they are doing just that.

Deathbycupcake Sat 24-Jun-17 01:17:21

I think this is one of the best comments I've ever read 👌👌

giroux Sat 24-Jun-17 02:08:09

It is totally different to be a working parent with a partner. Or a LP without a partner. I've done all variations and LP working with no partner IS the hardest.

The sole responsibility, the relentlessness, the fatigue, the panic levels - that Gretchen describes perfectly above - when one of them is ill.

I don't argue back when friends or colleagues with partners who travel a lot say to me 'I'm a single parent for half the time too!". I grin but really I'm thinking "fuck off you idiot you have no bloody clue."

On top of that, to be my version of a 'good' parent, I am exhausted and the things that i don't have time for are me (my health and appearance, I look like shite these days) and the house (a fucking disaster, shit tip).

I am often lonely for grown up companionship, or sexual interaction, or just someone to share life's ups and downs with.

I'd also love it if there was someone to make me a cup of tea or hot water bottle, particularly when I'm sick. Or someone else to dash out to the supermarket when we run out of milk instead of piling us all into the car.

However, as Olly and others above explain, the positives are amazing. I'd never co-parent again and I hope that my girls grow up feeling empowered to know that they too, can do ANYTHING.

I am organized in a way that I never knew possible and I am a much harder person than i was before ex h blew up our lives. I don't take shit from anyone anymore, whereas i was a bit of a people pleasing, wet blanket before! Surprisingly, I have learned that people still want to be your friend when you stick up for yourself. And, my career has moved on further. Who knew?

I'd LOVE to read your blog. The camaraderie would be important.

Nikitasol Wed 28-Jun-17 03:23:14

I'd definitely read it!

Nowaynowjose Wed 28-Jun-17 03:52:00

I tick all the same boxes as single working mum for some of the time, as dh is military and has been away up to 9 months at a time, often out of contact. There are lots of us in this position. Where it differs is, as pp said, the unrelenting responsibility for everything. And the feeling of being alone in making all the decisions. (I'm also lucky in that there is his wage, no arguments about maintenance etc). That is the aspect I would find most interesting. Is it easier to know you can make all the decisions yourself after a while?

user1497480444 Wed 28-Jun-17 04:14:37

Is it really that different being a single working mum to a working mum?

I think its a great life, I wouldn't swap it for anything

PollyPelargonium52 Sun 02-Jul-17 08:29:28

Yes I wouldn't take on a live in partner if you paid me. I much prefer being on my own. I enjoy my own company and feeling on top of my life and making my own decisions. I find it very freeing and have been doing this 12 years and wouldn't change a thing.

It is easier as the children get older though and I only have one so that helps.

I pay a gardener and a handyman so I don't do 'everything'.

The housework can get a bit dull though!

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