Dealing compassionately with harassment(8 Posts)
I know, odd title, not sure how to explain....
Split with baby's dad when 6 months pregnant, 3 years ago.
He has never contributed financially and seen his child only a handful of times.
Asks for phone contact with him but doesn't call at agreed time/day.
Does, however, try and call me at other times and text me on a daily basis, despite being asked not to.
He had a pin warning from the police and I've blocked his number (though annoyingly my phone still notifies me every time he tries to call and shows his texts)
Also emails me asking to speak to me and saying how much he loves and misses me (was controlling/abusive so not having him back)
Despite telling him he's blocked and to stop, he doesn't. Ignoring every message for 6 months hasn't stopped the daily stream.
Really wanted to do "right thing" and leave the door open for contact between him and our son, but the stress is too much for me.
Every time I get another notification I just want to tell him to FUCK OFF, which is not my usual nature.
I know he's struggling mentally and has made suicide attempts, so I want to deal with this compassionately, but I am at the point of just changing my number and blocking email and taking the opportunity for a father son relationship away because it's just too stressful being on the receiving end of his messages/calls/emotional declarations. Any advice?
You need to report him to the police. There is no way to deal with harassment and stalking 'sensitively' and the last thing your child needs is a relationship with a man who is controlling and emotionally and psychologically abusive to his mother.
Please, please phone the police and report this man.
I wouldn't be dealing with it compassionately, I know it's hard to think this way but it is not your fault if he's depressed or tries to kill himself. He's still emotionally abusing you even now when you're not together, just cut him off. I'd get a new number and block his email too. The way he's making you feel will be affecting your child, don't let this man have control over you!
He is using your compassion to continue to control you. He is using the threat of suicide to get you to do what he wants - that's despicable. He doesn't deserve your compassion.
The police know.
He lives in a squat, I don't know the address, so they can't physically serve him another notice.
I used to report each time, but gave up as the response I got last time was just to ignore him.
I think I made it difficult for them because non-molestation/harassment order would have prevented him arranging contact/calls with our child and I wanted to be fair and give an opportunity for them to have a relationship but just stop messaging me. Guess that's not possible.
Just find it hard to be strong and exclude that possibility!
I would block him..on email. If you feel you need to keep contact open tell him you will now only allow contact through a solicitor.
This does give an option for contact but at this point in time you need to focus your time on supporting your DS.
a 2.5 boy is not interested in phone contact , He has had 3 years to sort himself out to be a good dad but is doing nothing about it.
I think the idea that Children deserve contact with their parent seems to miss out that they deserve to have a parent.. He isn't been a parent. It doesn't mean you have to make it happen under any circumstances.
he is not more important than you are.
my advice would be to put you and your child first and forget about how to be kind and nice and thoughtful to the man who treats you with nothing but contempt.
Sent him a short email explaining that, as he knows, contact should only be to speak to his son on the designated number and agreed time and that due to his constant harassment I was now blocking his email.
His only point of contact now is the spare phone which is only switched on at his contact time at the weekend.
If he misuses that then I will cut that too and he will have no contact opportunities at all.
Felt relief as soon as I blocked him.
It's a step in the right direction. He's on his absolute last chance and I feel strong enough to cut that out too, if needs be.
If the same sort of stuff comes up on the contact phone tomorrow then I will say to go through a solicitor and cut contact on that too.
Thanks for all your comments, they've helped me feel stronger doing the right thing for me and my boy.x
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