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Should I push for XH to see DD

(5 Posts)
Crappyatnames Sun 23-Apr-17 08:46:57

Separated 5 months ago. DD is 2. He only recently just started seeing her, every 2nd Sunday for 5 hours. I've not gone to mediation or had a big discussion with him about having her overnight or seeing her more, because he has a lodger whom I have not met and don't know anything about. Plus, I know he'll kick up a fuss about overnights or more time with her as he said "what's the fun in overnights, might as well have her when I can do fun stuff with her" he is a selfish, clueless man-child who is quite happy with the arrangement we have and gloating to his friends about all the nights out he can get now. I'm tired, struggling and have battles with my conscience daily about whether I should push for him to do more, for my sake but more importantly for DD. He has very little bond with her, always has. It makes me feel uncomfortable the thought of him having her more, he is clueless and clearly doesn't want to but does she need to see him more to form a bond? Again, here I am taking on his responsibilities.

nappyrat Sun 23-Apr-17 09:06:08

Firstly, well done. For looking after your LO solo pretty much.

I think I would be pushing for more.

Do you trust him to put DD needs first? And obvs make sure e.g. lodger all safe etc?

If so I'd go for it.
If not, I would be sticking to current arrangement, even though I agree that it's massively unfair on you, my DD safety would come first.

Good luck.

llangennith Sun 23-Apr-17 10:23:55

Accept that he's not interested and enjoy your daughter. You will be the parent who has a loving relationship with her, he will miss out. Your DD will be better off with you than being forced onto someone who doesn't want to spend time with her.

Starlight2345 Fri 28-Apr-17 18:51:15

I am afraid what I have learnt is talking does not make them want the child anymore.Do you really want your child spending the night somewhere she really isn't wanted.

It is tough but does get easier as they get older.

CrazedZombie Sun 30-Apr-17 15:58:26

You can't make someone have their child more.

As you say, he's a man-child. The stuff that builds a strong bond between parent and child is seemingly inconsequential stuff like a parental hug when they wake from a nightmare, kicking a stone all the way to the shops, singing a catchy song on the radio together etc

His behaviour is called being a Disney parent. He's not doing any real parenting which is tough on you but you can't change that unfortunately.

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