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Children's father using drugs.. wwyd?

(12 Posts)
Selina1113 Sun 16-Apr-17 19:11:09

I cannot believe this is my reality right now.
Trying to keep it as short as possible, I have two children, 7yob and 4yog. I separated from their dad about a year ago..
So after disappearing since start of January, he got back in touch 2 weeks ago and had them last Saturday and yesterday. He then text me saying he needed to talk to me because he respects me.
So when dropping them off yesterday he had a quiet word with me saying he's done some stupid stuff and he was drug tested at work, and he knows by next week he won't have a job as it will come back positive. He said he's been doing cocaine angry.
I cannot get over it, I'm disgusted. It took me ages to get off to sleep last night due to overthinking every possible scenario. I spoke with all my family today, and they agree with my thoughts on not letting him see them. What kind of mother would I be if I sent my defenceless children with that?! Not a good one.. but I'm actually that disgusted I don't think I could ever trust him again tbh, he changed so much after our 2nd child was born. Since separating he's been childish, trying to annoy me with new girlfriends etc., missing sooo many days when he was supposed to see them, disappearing for weeks always. He's just overall not a good person anymore, and now this?! Tbh I don't want my babies growing up with that influence. Wwyd? confused

Starlight2345 Sun 16-Apr-17 23:37:45

I would tell him to get in touch when he has cleaned his act up..He may take the legal route... I believe you can have a strand test for cocaine.. It may well also be worth getting your free half hour legal advice..

My Ex was more interested in drugs than his child and his attempts to see him were very half hearted.

happy2bhomely Sun 16-Apr-17 23:57:23

My SIL kept her dc away from her ex because he was using drugs and drink driving and driving without car seats. He was also violent to her. The police suggested a court order.

Her ex took her to court and SIL was called spiteful by the judge and ordered to allow access every other weekend. He told cafcass that he didn't do drugs when he had the children and they were fine with that. He was never violent to the dc so the were fine with that too.

He sometimes picks them up on his weekends. Sometimes he doesn't. He sometimes brings them home at gone 11 on a Sunday. No one cares. As long as he sees the kids when he wants it doesn't seem to matter what is best for them.

By all means, keep them away, but don't expect a judge to agree if he takes you to court.

I would keep everything in writing. So email him and suggest he seeks help. Keep everything he writes back.

Selina1113 Mon 17-Apr-17 01:07:09

Wow happy2, that is disgraceful! I knew judges/courts were becoming more about "dads rights" but that's horrendous sad. This genuinely worries me. Since when did dads rights, who are violent, abusive; drug takers/piss takers! Become more valuable than the child's wellbeing hmm, we don't do it to be nasty and selfish! Not wanting ouu children raised with that behaviour to potentially mirror is not wrong! angry.

GreenGoblin0 Mon 17-Apr-17 09:37:44

has he been taking cocaine whilst with the children ?

Selina1113 Mon 17-Apr-17 15:33:37

GreenGoblin0 I really don't know sad. I would say I don't think he would do that, but then again before I would of said he wouldn't ever do something so wrong, I don't even know who he is anymore.. I know we should talk about it, but I cannot stand him right now.

GreenGoblin0 Mon 17-Apr-17 17:13:32

well he has told you of his own accord about the issue. obviously this has come as a shock to you but unless he is taking drugs whilst taking care of the children then this really is not a reason to stop the children from seeing their father.

Gallavich Mon 17-Apr-17 17:17:12

I'm sure you're worried about the children but really as long as he isn't using during or directly before contact then it's not a reason to stop it. The courts will not view it as a reason to stop contact.

Birdsbeesandtrees Mon 17-Apr-17 17:17:32

OP - I'm really sorry to ask but his name doesn't begin with a J does it ?

In regard to you ...I'd be very unhappy about anyone around my children who does drugs. I don't know legally if you can stop him seeing him or insist on supervised contact for this reason though hopefully someone else will.

Birdsbeesandtrees Mon 17-Apr-17 17:19:08

I'm fairly sure it's not the same person I know.

But angry that it looks as though courts don't care about something like this.

twattymctwatterson Mon 17-Apr-17 17:40:46

It sounds like he's been stupid and irresponsible and I understand why you are unhappy. However it's more than likely he's using cocaine recreationally rather than around the dc. That being the case it shouldn't really be enough to stop them seeing him

Mombie2016 Mon 17-Apr-17 18:29:08

Drugs have long term effects on behaviour. I would stop contact.

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