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Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Lone parents

Should I let him know his son has arrived??

19 replies

Toobloodytired · 05/04/2017 18:59

I'm really battling with my thoughts.

Haven't spoken to ex since November (his choice, not mine) when I was 19 weeks. My baby arrives last Monday, so is now 9 days old.

Do I contact my ex to let him know or let CSA inform him??

I'm scared I won't get a reply if I do & I can't bear him rejecting our son.

OP posts:

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SprogletsMum · 05/04/2017 19:01

I wouldn't until baby is registered without him on the birth certificate.
I think I would have to tell him though just so that you can tell your baby in the future that you did try.

delilahbucket · 05/04/2017 19:04

Congratulations on your new arrival. Do you want the ex on the birth certificate? If not, with regard to maintainance, he can insist on a paternity test. He would need to be present to go on it. It would also give him parental rights. He dies have a right to know, as hard as that may be for you. Unless he is likely to cause harm to the baby he is also entitled to contact. Be very wary how you proceed. It can come back to bite you at a later date.

delilahbucket · 05/04/2017 19:05

By the way, it is far better he rejects now than when your son is 16 and looking for his dad. At the moment he will be none the wiser.

delilahbucket · 05/04/2017 19:05

By the way, it is far better he rejects now than when your son is 16 and looking for his dad. At the moment he will be none the wiser.

Toobloodytired · 05/04/2017 19:12

I don't want him on the BC, I'm registering my baby tomorrow morning.

I've made a claim to CSA who will inform him he's here, shall I leave it to them tell him??

I'm scared the emotional abuse will start again if I get in contact

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AuntieStella · 05/04/2017 19:24

After you have registered the baby (congratulations ) I would see if there is a way to let him know about the arrival. Do you have a trusted intermediary who could tell him?

(Ideally a brother built like a brick outhouse who would text him simply with the basic news of dob. Or failing that a mutual friend with a reputation for taking no shit)

Northernlurker · 05/04/2017 19:32

If he was abusive then no, don't tell him. The CSA can let him know of his responsibility.

Congratulations on the birth of your son.

StewieGMum · 05/04/2017 19:35

Congratulations!

Just let CSA inform you. They can deal with him whilst you enjoy your lovely new baby

Toobloodytired · 05/04/2017 19:56

There's plenty of people who would play go between. I'm just worried what he'll say, how he'll say it, whether he'll call the police.

Sounds silly but when I think about contacting him, I get a bit panicky.

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Northernlurker · 05/04/2017 19:59

He can't call the police. You've had a baby not nicked his car. He has a responsibility to support his child. That's it. Children belong to those who look after them.

MrsPacMan · 05/04/2017 20:02

Let CSA do it, and make sure you've changed your mobile since you were in contact with him, block on social media etc, if he wants to be involved in his sons life he will have to work for it.

Congrats and good luck

Sassenach85 · 05/04/2017 20:03

Is he violent? Does he have any family members that you can trust?

Toobloodytired · 05/04/2017 20:22

He's called the police when I've made contact in the past, last time being in January when I was in hospital ill, informed him about our unborn son not me.

After that, I changed my email address, my mobile number and! My address.

I've not made contact since 15th January, I just didn't know if the news his son had arrived should come from me.

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Toobloodytired · 05/04/2017 20:24

Also to include, his family are as bad as he is, they have completely written me & my son off

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QuiteLikely5 · 05/04/2017 20:36

I wouldn't bother. If he was worth anything to your child he would have shown that way before now.

Him changing would be a near miracle and they are very rare

KarmaNoMore · 05/04/2017 20:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Northernlurker · 05/04/2017 20:52

Bluntly he sounds like a twat. Take the money to support your son if you can get it but otherwise don't give him headspace.

Toobloodytired · 05/04/2017 21:38

Yeah I think what you are saying is the best idea.

He's not checked to see if his son has arrived, if he's okay, nothing.

I've told CSA if he wants a DNA test then he's more than welcome to request one, I've nothing to hide.

If he'd like to be on the BC then he can take the matter to court.

I personally don't think he'll be in contact for access once he knows he's definitely here, he wouldn't risk his new relationship.

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Toobloodytired · 07/04/2017 16:43

So I registered my baby yesterday WITHOUT my ex there.

The wanker isn't on it!

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