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Really cant keep trying...

(15 Posts)
Trilaulyn2926 Wed 05-Apr-17 10:03:39

Im a 100% lone parent(dad died).... and Im struggling so much... Its been over a year now.. and It seems to be getting harder... Its one step forward and 2 back... Just need a hug...

Reddingtonsmoll Wed 05-Apr-17 10:09:07

Hi. I feel so sad reading your message. It sounds like life is really tough right now. I can't imagine having to deal with the death of a partner. I'm so sad for your loss. I am a lone parent and have been for over a decade. It's really tough but from my experience it gets easier. Apart from your obvious loss and the difficulties that brings, what else is going on? Can you tell us? I'm sending you a big warm hug.

cestlavielife Wed 05-Apr-17 10:10:18

It will get easier as dc grow
Are you using WAY for support ?

Trilaulyn2926 Wed 05-Apr-17 10:17:46

2 daughters.. now 18 & 10.... things werent great before their dad passed (sudden heart attack), they were always testing my patience and argumentative... him and I werent happy and our relationship was on its last legs... finances still not sorted as we werent married and had no will... I work part-time and have my mum close by to help... Im on Fluoxitine now just started, no appetite and no sleeping...Have shut myself from the friends I had... and in-laws are resentful of me... Because of the way things were before he died, so I dont have any real support from them

Trilaulyn2926 Wed 05-Apr-17 10:19:59

Its the youngest one that is causing the biggest issues... and I have tried everything with her.. School is involved to see about counselling and perhaps CAHMS... I just feel so useless.. Sorry for the poor me..

Trilaulyn2926 Wed 05-Apr-17 10:25:06

The only time I get to myself is when she is at my mums when I have to work and at school.. I pay for activities.. swimming, dancing, sports and she refuses to go... I try to dothings wirh her aswell, walks, movie days, make-up practice.. and I feel we have made progress.. but then boom... she kicks off and refuses to do the organised stuff.. even though it is things she enjoys... and when we have to stay in because she wont go she sits in her room..

midlifenicethis Wed 05-Apr-17 12:21:59

I am sorry for your loss. I have no experience of what you are going through but didn't want to read and run. I'm a lone mum to 2 strong willed girls and yes they can be hard work.

It sounds to be as if your daughter might be having problems dealing with her emotions surrounding her Dad's death. Do you have any access to support for bereaved parents and children? I'm wondering if joining a group of children who have been through what she has might help you daughter.

It sounds like you've been trying really hard for her, so please don't feel bad.

Trilaulyn2926 Wed 05-Apr-17 12:40:57

We are trying to access counselling.. but groups are small and heavily subscribed... The reason this wasnt done earlier was that she is absolutely fine and no problem at school... And up until recently I was holding it together.. buried my head in all the practical side of things... and things have just gotten too much.. she will behave and be well mannered with others but just not with me, sister or Gran... The main care givers... When she is getting her own way.. Great... afterwards she resorts back to being awful.. and it deters me from wanting to do nice things with her.... its a vicious circle... and I dont have the strength anymore... confused

cestlavielife Wed 05-Apr-17 14:51:35

Go to gp and get referred urgently for bereavement support
For.you alone and also together with dd and for her alone .
Have you contacted WAY?

Trilaulyn2926 Wed 05-Apr-17 15:00:59

Thank You cestlavielife.
I have been to GP.. and Have accessed Help from School.. as I say these resources are limited in our area.. and I feel that her behaviour has went past the point that Bereavement counselling would help... but we are waiting on any kind of help TBH.. I have spoken to School and have even suggested Parenting Classes for Myself... I am grabbing at everything.. I havent contacted WAY.. I honestly thought they were only based in England.. Will look into it though... and Thanks again to other posters too... Just having a really hard day today.. and it helps knowing someone is listening x

cestlavielife Wed 05-Apr-17 17:52:56

can the 18 year old babysit one night a week?

i have joined a community choir and it is so amazing for your wellbeing and meeting new people. do look into a rock choir or non audition community choir. singing/breathing - really does help.

cestlavielife Wed 05-Apr-17 17:54:17

www.widowedandyoung.org.uk/ ( i know of people who have accessed it, I have an exp but very limited contact with dc )

Trilaulyn2926 Wed 05-Apr-17 18:39:45

Thanks again cestlavielife.
18 yr Old and 10yr Old.. would fight n argue.. ( I have tried ).. But its not worth the stress... and I have registered with WAY... Its just going to take time... I know.. This week is just hard as everything seems to be getting on top of me... There is no quick fix.. I'll get there..

Trilaulyn2926 Thu 06-Apr-17 12:57:20

Just an update for the members who have posted on my thread
eddingtonsmoll, cestlavielife, midlifenicethis.
Thank You for takng the time to post.. X
Had an app at GP this morning, to fill my AD prescription...had a good chat and offloaded on him again... unfortunately all the other forms of support take time to access...
Still I have finally picked up the phone and called the Employee Assistance Program offered by my work... so fingers crossed an impartial shoulder can help me work through this in practical terms... as my emotions are causing me to feel stuck, I just dont know where to start...
The wee one has been better today and I receiveda book Ihad ordered from Amazon ( 123 magic).... Im really willing to try anything at this point... just wanted to let you know... I havent thrown the towel in...

cestlavielife Thu 06-Apr-17 16:48:11

well done
and do look into doing something regular for yourself one evening a week (could your mother babysit?) whether its painting class/choir/swimming etc.

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