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Sure this has been done a million times, but how do you deal with the sadness?

(19 Posts)
SheRaaarghPrincessOfPower Sat 01-Apr-17 23:10:50

Only been a lone parent for a few months. I was in initially - went into some kind of over compensation mode, was super capable, felt I destructible after finally being rid of the abusive arsehole.

Its different now. It's sunk in. I'm very much on my own, because of a move I don't have any old friends around, I'm stuck in my situation, I don't know what to do.

I just feel overwhelmingly alone.

To top of off, my mum told me this week that she wished they'd moved away, to 'teach me to stand on my own two feet'.

sad

I'm generally fairly independent. I don't ask for help, unless I'm desperate. I just feel hurt and alone and I've got no idea what to do about it.

Thewanderer03 Sat 01-Apr-17 23:21:21

No advice sorry but sending well wishes for you and dc flowers

SheRaaarghPrincessOfPower Sat 01-Apr-17 23:28:43

Thanks. There's a lone parent thread, but I cant find it of course.

Its so overwhelming. My ex is a cunt, I resent him taking away my 'normal' life, for making everything so fucking difficult.

Sunflowersmiling Sat 01-Apr-17 23:38:49

You cope with it one day at a time. Be kind to yourself...you have a hard job and mostly thankless one...but so so important. And remember that it won't always be this hard...its a journey. ...your in a really tough place right now...its not forever tho. The thing about sadness...it doesnt last forever...it will ease with time...get any support you can. Remember you are awesome...he may have taken your life as it was. ...but he owns NOTHING of your future ;-) xx

BzyB Sun 02-Apr-17 00:03:54

Similar here. Really struggling atm.
Just keep telling myself it won't last forever! I'm not an overly outgoing person but knowing you aren't as "free" ( to go out) as when part of an equal parenting duo is a bit frustrating. I'm getting CBT and it's all about little steps right now. What one thing can I do each day to make life better ( could be drinking more water or booking a babysitter and going out!)
Sorry I can't really help you sad

SheRaaarghPrincessOfPower Sun 02-Apr-17 00:07:03

I get the one day as it comes... The trouble is the impending doom that this is my life now. For the foreseeable. It just is. I just have to accept it.
..

SheRaaarghPrincessOfPower Sun 02-Apr-17 00:08:14

"he may have taken your life as it was. .."

Oh, he did sad

SheRaaarghPrincessOfPower Sun 02-Apr-17 00:09:26

It's just the crushing feeling... I've never known anything like it

bluejelly Sun 02-Apr-17 00:22:30

You'll get through this. It's a tough path initially but one day you will turn the corner and think: Actually I'm glad this happened because it enabled me to grow as a person and do x,y,z etc. Have faith! And also counselling (which will really help)

SheRaaarghPrincessOfPower Sun 02-Apr-17 00:31:43

I do feel like that this though, I'm glad he's gone, in fact very little changed, day to day.

Counselling though. Good call.

JohnnyMarr Mon 03-Apr-17 07:39:35

flowers for you SheRaaargh. I'm a couple months post break up too.

Totally get the feeling of impending doom, I've gone from what I thought (naively it transpires!) was a happy marriage and a fairly comfortable lifestyle to the prospect of living out the rest of my days bringing up the kids on my lonesome with very little money to do so.

It sucks. I feel your pain.

RueDeDay Wed 05-Apr-17 07:01:41

You just breathe through it.

I'm like you, and all family are a long plane ride away. I feel really alone, a lot of the time. I try and focus on, and be thankful for, the small joys of daily life. I remember that living with my ex was lonelier. I try to remember that these feelings come in waves, and that they will pass, and I'll feel content in my life again for a while. flowers for you. It's difficult.

Ledkr Wed 05-Apr-17 07:18:31

When I wa like that I used to find making little plans to look forward to really helpful
Particularly at weekends, bank holidays etc
Day trips, visits, even just a trip to the shops.
I was very lucky that I had close friends in a similar situation which was really helpful.
Can you reconnect with old mates or try to make new Ines through dd clubs and stuff?

Sickofthisalready Sat 08-Apr-17 08:11:21

Does anyone else absolutely hate weekends? I literally dread them now it's just me and DS.

Cant seem to stop thinking how ex will be with new gf, doing as he likes. Im here with DS, trying to hold everything together whilst hurting so much I feel like I can't breathe sometimes.

I know deep down I am free of his lying, cheating arse but its so frustrating knowing that at the moment she's getting the carefree, fun loving romantic version of him that I had when we first met. Im dealing with the side of him thats seen him abandon our 3 year old, and completely destroy our lives.

Why is life so unfair sad

HowamIgoingtocope Sat 08-Apr-17 12:50:25

I box and exercise and go to the gym. Good hormones make me happier. S3eing me get series makes me happier whilst I watch my ex become resentful. With a fat girlfreind. Win win all round.

HowamIgoingtocope Sat 08-Apr-17 12:51:22

Ahhh that's supposed to say see and sexier.

summerfling Sat 08-Apr-17 18:49:27

*Does anyone else absolutely hate weekends? I literally dread them now it's just me and DS.

Cant seem to stop thinking how ex will be with new gf, doing as he likes. Im here with DS, trying to hold everything together whilst hurting so much I feel like I can't breathe sometimes.

I know deep down I am free of his lying, cheating arse but its so frustrating knowing that at the moment she's getting the carefree, fun loving romantic version of him that I had when we first met. Im dealing with the side of him thats seen him abandon our 3 year old, and completely destroy our lives. *

Why is life so unfair

Aw! It feels like this now but will get easier.

I'm currently in exactly the same situation as you right now....I've cried so much, I honestly can't cry anymore, most part is over him I guess I just feel like my life has changed so much.

Sickofthisalready Sat 08-Apr-17 19:10:36

Its just so difficult. I would not wish this on my worst enemy.

Everything I do or everywhere I go is a constant reminder of him. He's stolen the future we had planned, and now I feel worthless and lost.

I am so alone, I literally long for the night time when I can sleep and not be thinking about him 24/7.

We're you together long summerfling? Do you have children? Xx

HowamIgoingtocope Sat 08-Apr-17 19:45:33

It gets better with time. Yes I think about the what ifs. But 6 years down the line. I'm in my pjs eating steak and veg with control of the remote and a whisky. My kids are in bed. The only communication I have with him is by email. Then he's abusive . But at least I can just delete them.

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