How often should a single parent have a night out?(9 Posts)
I live with my sister and she recently grumbled that I was going out too much. This was because I asked if she could help out both Saturday and Sunday evening or I'd get a babysitter.
Is that too much? I do much of the childcare for my child - all the pick ups and drop offs and try to make sure we have some fun times together.
I also need to be able to feel human for my own well being - and at this current time, I need to be off out socialising.
It's not wrong to want to enjoy yourself and everyone will have different opinions. You shouldn't feel bad for wanting to socialise. I am not a single mum but husband works away a month at a time. I go out once every few months as we have a lack of childcare, but I am happy with that. Everyone is different.
Everyone is different. I wouldn't compare yourself to others, as long as you feel happy with it and you have childcare in place there shouldn't be an issue.
For what it's worth, I tend to have one night out when my kids are with their dad, so once a fortnight and occasionally I will get a sitter if I have something I really want to do in between times.
But ultimately it's your life so you live it how you see fit.
Shouldn't you be doing all the childcare for your child as it is your child, so the responsibility for childcare lies with you or the child's father? It's up to you as the parent to organise a baby sitter if you need one. Once you have a child, your first responsibility is to that child. It would be kind of your sister to help out but the ultimate responsibility is yours (and the father) and yours alone.
I guess it depends on what you mean by I need to be out socialising & how you define a night out?
I've been out socialising quite a bit recently... last Friday I went to the movies with friends (took DD's with us), Monday I went out with a friend for dinner after work, Wednesday I went to a friends for dinner (took DS with me), after work yesterday I dropped into a friends for coffee before picking up DS.
All of this socialising either included my kids or was done during my child free time & I very rarely have a proper night out clubbing, drinking etc unless it's a specific event such as a birthday party or wedding.
I know you say that you do all of the childcare but it is very easy when you live with someone to say "I'm just popping to the shop, I'll leave DC here as I won't be long" or "could you keep an eye on DC whilst I do this/that/the other?" & not realise how often you are doing this could this be part of the issue?
When does your sister get to go out if she's babysitting for you so often?
I think the issue is you seem to be taking your sisters help for granted, and expect her to provide childcare often.
It is your child, not your sisters, and it is your job to look after her. As pp said, pick ups drop offs are down to you (and the dad if one is one the scene). You don't get an award for that, it's part of parenting. You say it like you're doing your sister a favour not asking her.
there are no limits on how often you "should" go out. There are limits on how often your sister will facilitate this, to the detriment of her own life, before she gets pissed off.
Fwiw, i think i've had about one night out per year since my eldest was born 10 years ago. I'm not a lone parent either, i just have no family to babysit, and it's not fair on dh or i to be going out regularly while the other one sits at home.
Pay for a babysitter if you want to go out so often. Do you pay your sister?
I want to tell you that you should feel awful for going out without your child at all, but that is only because I'm very jealous of you being able to do so OP .
I don't have anybody around me to babysit DS and he only visits his dad once or twice a month, of which I then work the evening shift so very very few nights out here for me .
Seriously though, if you're able to go out and still have a life then definitely don't let someone else put you off it, you are entitled to still be you rather than just a mum.
I don't think you're going out too much, unless this is the case every single weekend and by 'going out' you mean drinking and are hungover the next day (but there's no indication that is what you mean); however I can see why your sister doesn't want to babysit 2 nights in a row.
Your mention of doing most of the childcare for your child is a bit redundant really - they're your child and surely that's par for the course.
Thanks for all the replies. I did fail to mention that I did say I would get a babysitter if my sister couldn't help but her response was that she didn't want a stranger in the house.
(Also the request for the babysitting has been down to my ex booking a holiday at short notice which meant that my free time has been taken up with childcare.)
Whiskey I do do a fair amount of socialising with my DD. It is however nice to socialise without having to keep one eye on a small child
tiny I'm generally a very cautious drinker (shandy for me although I went out the other night and they used strong lager and only a small amount of lemonade!!) I don't want to do hangovers when my child is around (well I don't want to do hangovers in general!)
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