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Fed up with ex

(18 Posts)
HowamIgoingtocope Sat 18-Mar-17 22:46:41

So this weekend I receive a three page email ranting at me from my ex. This is quite normal for him. However in this one he tells me he will no longer be bringing the children home from contact on a Thursday. This has been in place for 3 years and he is now demanding I travel to collect them as he sees this as being the lions share of the logistics for the children.
He lives 7 miles away. His choice to move there . I work late this day to make time up and work. It's contracted in so I have to do it. I literally normally get bin a few mins before he turns up with the kids. I've never moaned he's cancelled contact with very short notice before leaving g me to cancelled plans that have been in place for months. Even when I've said no in not in the area he's kicked off saying it's my responsibility even though the children should be in his career. I don't know why I'm writing this. The children have had the same routine for 3 years. Why change it now it's so unfair on the children. Sorry I'll go away now.

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Disappointednomore Sun 19-Mar-17 15:48:15

What do you think he would do if you didn't reply and simply didn't turn up to collect them?

thethoughtfox Sun 19-Mar-17 17:16:04

Legally, the parent who moves away has the responsibility to travel.

HowamIgoingtocope Mon 20-Mar-17 15:21:34

I have my childminder and parents on standby as I work late on the thursay to make time up.

Thethoughtfox. he begs to differ, apparently its normal practice to share the logistics. maybe I should put together what I do when he isn't around.

Ive started to reply now , one point in an email . as I lose track of his waffling rants.

ive given him alternatives and having the children later on a sunday instead of returning them at 9am !!!!!!! his choice that one too.

It really doesn't matter what I say or put forward as an alternative , all he will do is stamp his feet like a toddler until he gets his way .

Although as we all know when toddlers do that , it wont change our mind.

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3xcookedchips Fri 24-Mar-17 13:40:44

*Legally, the parent who moves away has the responsibility to travel.*

This statement is incorrect.

It is expected of parents to come up with a workable solution.

phoenixtherabbit Fri 24-Mar-17 14:14:39

You're actually encouraged to come to an agreement between yourselves, it's not legally anyone's job at all.

To be honest op if he does all the travelling I'd be inclined to just do it to keep the peace. Or try and come up with a new arrangement. You do have to consider the costs he might incur if he does all the travel, it's not just the nrps responsibility, really.

HowamIgoingtocope Wed 29-Mar-17 05:31:25

Might not be his responsibility but when I have offered extra contact as well as other days. I've don't my bit. He's simply ignored them. It was his choice ( ie he changed original contact agreement within a week) to have these day contact after school. He's collected them for 4 years and now decides he doesn't want to do it anymore. I work around the children's contact. It is not viable for me to leave work ton get to his to then transport my children home. All within an hour during rush hour. I can't change my hours without.losing money. He works from home. He has the facility to work around his kids. But chooses not to. He's an emotional bully. Has been for 6 years. I've replied to his email with 8 lines and got 3 pages back.
If he chose to actually work his life around the kids not the other way around I may be a little more cooperative. I'm very flexible. But this takes the wee wee.

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HowamIgoingtocope Wed 29-Mar-17 05:44:25

3x cookie . I've offered alternatives. He isn't interested. He's even instigated it into the children that if I collect them they can have an extra half an hour with him. Not the fact mum has offered another 6 hours with thwm on his contact weekend. But nope that's been ignored. Why else would he want to drop thwm off at 9am on a Sunday morning.

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BlackeyedSusan Thu 30-Mar-17 22:35:47

what is he going to do with them if you do not collect them.

HowamIgoingtocope Fri 31-Mar-17 06:20:05

I have no idea Susan. He won't want them there as his gf will be there for the night.

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jobvcareer Sat 01-Apr-17 23:30:57

Just ignore him and don't pick them up. You can't anyway you will be at work.
He can either drop them to you Thursday night or to school Friday morning.
Make it not up for discussion. You need to grey rock the twat.
Honestly I wonder where these men come from and what any of us saw in them to make babies in the first place (bitter)

HowamIgoingtocope Sun 02-Apr-17 15:23:31

He's continued with the I think it's perfectly amicable me only doing 7/8 of the transport . I will be informing him I'm at work and won't be home till 5.45. I simply can not get from work to his house in time and pick the kids up to go to cubs. They are out with my mum the Friday so I will be annoyed if he doesn't bring them home as they are half term. Funny how he's been fine for 4 years oh apart from in 2014 when he moaned about bringing them home on the Tuesday.

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Gogglerox Tue 04-Apr-17 21:24:28

I hate to break this to you... he may be acting unreasonably but he is perfectly within his legal right to ask you to collect them if he initially picked them up.
During legal mediation with my ex (as it was me doing all the drop offs and pick ups) they said the travelling had to be equal regardless of who lives where. So basically we were told he was to pick up our son from my house and I was to collect him from Ex's house afterwards.
If your Ex however decides to move a long distance away then you are advised to meet at a half-way drop off point.
Though I agree it seems unfair that your ex is now changing the arrangements after so long, it isn't his problem that you work late on his contact days

HowamIgoingtocope Tue 04-Apr-17 21:34:28

Offered the halfway. Not acceptable to him
Fed up. I'm always wrong no matter what. I'm still not doing it. My work is contracted around his contact. I finish at half 5 ish. So I can't get across town to pick the kids up get home to take ds to.cubs. and get dd home for bed and bath at 7.
We don't have joint parenting. If we want to be pedantic I have the kids 300mdays out of 356. I do all the school runs. Maybe he'd like to do half of them at half 6 in the morning.

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HowamIgoingtocope Tue 04-Apr-17 21:36:26

No its not his problem.. the fact is my life revolves around my kids. His just revolves around himself. He may be having ano overnight then.
The children are in his care. It is his responsibility to ensure they are returned home. My son isn't mentally well at the moment and he do does this . He's a fuck simple.

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HowamIgoingtocope Tue 04-Apr-17 21:37:52

I've done mediation. He hanged it after the nici was issued. He cancels as and when he pleases . So I'm a tad pissed off if you'd guessed.

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OverOn Tue 04-Apr-17 21:43:32

I'd go back and say that won't work for me - I finish work at 5:30 so am unable to collect the DC from you in time to take DS to his club.

You could offer an alternative if your work is flexible about changing your longer day at work - if you collect DC from school/after school club and return them to my house by 7pm for bedtime on x day, I can change my working pattern so that I can collect the DC from you on Thursday.

But I have a feeling the next thing will be him saying you can collect DC late from him on Thursdays and your DS can miss his Cubs, therefore there is enough time.

HowamIgoingtocope Tue 04-Apr-17 21:49:42

Won't make any difference. He will mean and moan until I give in. But I'm not with this. Sorry I'm anxious about it but I need to stand my ground. Ffs this man has just sent me a parenting plan after 6 years.

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