Dd (3) said father touched her. Social services said its okay for her to resume contact(51 Posts)
A few months ago, my dd said that her father touched her. The words she said were not something that I've heard her say before and when I relayed it back to her she said "I was only joking" trying to brush it off (she's only 3) she also said something in school too. So I contacted the doctors and her school who then got in contact with the child protection team. I took her 2 days later to have an examination on which she completely lost her mind and we were not able to do it. I didn't hear anything from the social services for 2 weeks and it was left with me that my dd cannot see dad or his family. The social worker then changed to another one and I met with this one on 2 occasions. On the second one she stated that because the examination didn't take place there was no evidence so the police had shut down the case. She said what would happen next was for her to speak to dd inside school and assess from there. This was a month ago and I had no correspondance, until yesterday. Social worker had spoken to father and his mother a few weeks ago and has decided that contact should be allowed back again with him being supervised (by his mother). Obviously I was not happy as I truly do not believe this has been taken seriously and I told this to social worker who said "well, what did YOU want to happen then" I said that I didn't believe any protocol had happened as she hasn't seen daughter to which she replied "well actually I saw her a few weeks ago" which she never informed me of. I'm at wits ends and I don't know what to do. Do I let dd see dad? My relationship with the side has never been easy and I'm scared of how to go further with this. Any help/advice would be greatly appreciated.
Its difficult as you have not told us what she said.
Did you have any concerns before the conversation with your DD?
If contact is not court ordered you can stop it anytime you like but your ex then has the option to take you to court.
She said " I don't like my daddy" I asked her why "because he put his fingers inside me" I asked her what she meant and poked herself (through knickers) and said "in there, my fairy" (her vagina). She was fused up meaning that her parts were closed and the doctor said that this will take a long time to reopen with hormones etc - but it has been open for a year. She was acting weird a year ago by shouting and crying in her sleep,wetting herself, temper tantrums so I took her to the doctors and they said just keep an eye on her. Throughout the year she has still had the tantrums, wouldn't concentrate, said that her 'fairy' was sore, wetting the bed. Since the day she said about it, I have completely stopped contact and her behaviour has changed completely - lots of people have noticed. I teally do not feel that anything has been done - they have not looked in her doctors records all they have done is speak to the father and ex mil and speak to dd at school and that means that contact can recommence? Without any supervision? I am dumbfounded by it all.
I would stop contact. A 3 year old cannot make that up. How awful for you both. I really hope you find a way forward together but she needs you to believe her and be strong for her
You can still stop contact. He will have to take you to court if he wants it would he do that?
I would not send her given what she told you.
That's not something a 3 year old would make up. I'm so sorry for you both. I would not allow any contact, you need to protect her now.
You don't have to let her go. Not if you believe he is sexually abusing her.
I feel you have been badly let down here. It does not seem they have taken this seriously at all.
Are you going to complain?
Please please keep her away. . .
Let him take you to court - if he dares.
Protect her ffs.
It's your duty.
yes I would stop contact. He has to take you to court if he wants to try to resume it, 3 year olds just don't come out with stuff like that. that's so sad. Your little girl needs you to protect her.
Don't send her. Thus is a huge safeguarding issue. If he wants contact, let him pursue it through the courts.
I'm going to make a complaint. I've spoken to her school and they are putting in a complaint for me too. I don't feel comfortable at all with her seeing him. The worse thing is, it happened to me when I was little by my grandad and I would never ever wish it on my baby - I would rather die. hes never been a father, he would t even look at schools with me last year, he only takes her to the pub, never paid for her ( until attachment of earnings then got a new job and the payments have stopped for a year) I asked for him to buy her new shoes he said "why? I would never see them" he's so emotionally abusive to me and I don't want her seeing him. His family are so manipulative that they're turning people against me - using the fact of my abuse and calling me "malicious/nasty/not right in the head" I know I'm doing the right thing by stopping contact I'm just so scared of the abuse I'm going to receive.
I don't mean to make it about me - it's all about her. I just need advice so I can be strong for her because right now i don't feel that way with what the social workers have said. I'm scared that she'll be taken away from me.
You are there to protect her. Why on earth would they take her away from you? You have not abused her.
Stop contact for sure and definitely put in a complaint about the mishandling of the case. They should have tried to do the examination again when she was in a calmer mood (it should not be a scary exam - DD had one when she was a toddler and the doctor was very calm and gentle and it wasn't upsetting for her at all) not just given up altogether and close the case.
Definitely stop contact. You are protecting her, not doing anything that could get her taken away. He can take you to court if he can be bothered. I'm so sorry OP
I would stop contact (talking as a parent, not in any legal capacity)
and make a complaint
Keep a record of absolutely everything. Please. If he fights you in court then you will need all the evidence you can get your hands on.
Is it too late for a Drs examination?
No question, stop contact. you poor little girl, he sounds like a monster
Ah shit. This is so awful. I agree a child this age wouldn't make this up. I'm shocked at the social workers to be honest. You need to address this up the chain and complain as your child may be at risk. He can take you to court if he wants contact but this isn't ok and your child needs to be protected.
What sort of sick fuck sexually abuses a small child, never mind his own daughter. The simple fact she said it should have him all sorts of worried about his child. Supervised by his own mother, I don't think so. Clearly they are saying you made it up or you put words in her mouth but even then the social worker should fall on th side of caution.
I would fight to the ends of the earth to never let this man see a child of mine ever again. You and your daughter have been badly let down. Let him take you to court for contact.
I asked the social worker for another examination and if there was some sort of sedative that could be given to relax her so she could have it done she said "no that would be too traumatic"..... I asked dd about what she told me and she went "oh I was only joking it doesn't matter" I told her I wouldn't be upset or angry with anyone - just tell your Mumma. "I don't want to talk about it" "shh it's a secret I get lots of presents from Santa" I don't understand how these comments have been completely brushed off - it totally feels like it's my word against his but it's not my words it's dds words. Why would any loving mother make up something that sadistic?
Just make sure you are documenting everything, as a PP has said. You are doing the right thing. You cannot allow contact.
I would strongly advise speaking to CAB, the school and your GP again. It isn't for a SW to decide what is too traumatic if there is the potential for a sedative to be used- SWs are not generally clinical.
Can you afford to see a solicitor?
Again, document EVERYTHING - including conversations with receptionists and secretaries. I really can't stress this enough.
Stop all contact. See a solicitor and get a letter drafted up. He needs to be assessed and all contact if ordered by the court should be supervised in a contact center.
Yesterday, I received a letter from his solicitors saying I have to reinstate contact "we are informed that children's services have been involved with gettin the issues between you resolved. We understand they are satisfied with the enquiries they have made and have advised you to reinstate contact,
Our clients positionis clear. He has legal parental responsibility and contact need to be reinstated forthwith."
What would you guys do next? Thank you
Join the discussion
Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.Register now
Already registered with Mumsnet? Log in to leave your comment or alternatively, sign in with Facebook or Google.
Please login first.