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Can I accurately work out what exp should be paying

(20 Posts)
pineappleeyes Mon 13-Mar-17 18:36:39

We have an informal arrangement but I have been told exp should pay more than he does. Rather than take someone's word for it I want to try & accurately find out what he should be paying. I don't want him.

Is the only option to go through the child maintenance service? I have spoken to someone there who said I can get an estimate from a calculator but pension contributions etc are also taken into account & the onlinr calculator doesn't do this...confused

Is the only way to find out what he should be paying to go through the child maintenance service and log a formal case????

OP’s posts: |
UpdateRequired Mon 13-Mar-17 18:39:07

You can go through CM and they'll work out what he should pay then it's up to you to decide if you want private agreement or collection. It'll cost you £20.

Userone1 Mon 13-Mar-17 18:41:59

I thought the online calculator does take pension contributions into account.


complexkane Wed 29-Mar-17 14:42:56

Pineappleeyes..... so basically you want more money from the father because your friends have told you that you are entitled to it. So to be clear, its not because you need it, or you're struggling etc.

When are women going to drop this entitlement attitude & stop using the CMS as a weapon against men?!

Here is an idea... talk to your ex!!! Explain that you are struggling and show him proof of how much you personally are spending each month on the kid and explain that it would ne a great help if he could afford to up his payments so that the expenses are more equally shared between the two parents!! Unless of course, the only reason you want more money is because your other single mum buddies are telling you that you're entitled to more!

pineappleeyes Wed 29-Mar-17 14:59:17

If you read my post I said I wanted to check what he should be paying. Not so I can milk more but to make sure he's paying the right amount for our children.

He currently pays very little and has done for years.

I have spoken to my ex. Hes was abusive and therefore communication broke down. So before you come with patronising snide comments perhaps get to know the facts first.

And I'm the only single mum in my group friends and because they see me struggle they've said perhaps ex should help more.

OP’s posts: |
complexkane Wed 29-Mar-17 15:38:59

Hi Pineapple

Your post states ''I have been told ex should be paying more''. It did not indicate that he currently pays very little so that information was unavailable at the time. I also assume that these people telling you that he should be paying more must be basing that knowledge on something i.e. an understanding of the system, hence my comment about your single mother friends.

My frustration is with the financial side of things being determined by an online calculator which is aimed at screwing the father. Every situation is different so why can the 2 adults that created the children not have a mature debate about the actual monthly costs for those children and come to a fair agreement. Maybe that is what you are trying to do and he will not communicate about it (again, this info was not available when I first responded)

Money is not the only form of child support you know..... if he is not willing or able to give more money, maybe ask him to have the kids more often so more of the costs will be directly on him.

AndKnowItsSeven Wed 29-Mar-17 15:45:13

Kane the calculator is the minimum fathers should pay. Absolutely he should pay to support his child.

complexkane Wed 29-Mar-17 15:59:32


When did I say he should not have to contribute financially? The calculator does not come up with a figure based on the cost of the child, it comes up with a figure based on the non-residents parents gross earnings from the previous year. So if the nrp does a lot of overtime, get a bonus, gets a raise.... the resident parent gets more for the kids.

And again, another one jumping straight to the ''he should be paying''.... I repeat, child support does not just have to be money. Maybe the dad could look after the child more so the mum can go to work and earn more - win win.

AndKnowItsSeven Wed 29-Mar-17 16:04:55

Kane because the money that is spent on raising a child should be proportionate to parental income. If the Father earns more money the child's quality of life should improve. A child should have more than just essesntials if a parent can afford to provide it for them.
No it's not just about money, you are right, financial support is the bare minimum a father should provide.

pineappleeyes Wed 29-Mar-17 16:28:42

I work. He works. He earns 4 times more than me. I have been asking him to increase contact for years. Hes finally agreed to a small increase.

I wasn't asking the question to create a debate. I was just wondering if there was a way I could find out as I have no idea what a non resident parent should contribute.

Having a mature discussion with my ex is impossible

As it happens I did the calculator & he is paying considerably less than the calculator says. I don't intend to screw him for more money so I don't have the entitled attitude & I don't intend to use the cms as a weapon.

OP’s posts: |
Starlight2345 Wed 29-Mar-17 16:57:37

The only way is through the CMS or CMS calculator..

Somehow it is a screwed idea that you are using the CMS as a weapon..If a NRP is paying the legal minimum then it is no threat is it?

My Ex pays £6.72 a week through CMS .. I Am really screwing him over

AyeAmarok Wed 29-Mar-17 17:19:25

So to be clear, its not because you need it, or you're struggling etc.

When are women going to drop this entitlement attitude & stop using the CMS as a weapon against men?!

Hi Kane, thought you might like to know that the legal minimum amount of maintenance that a NRP should pay is not influenced in any way by the mothers (or RP's) earnings/outgoings/disposable income. The mother could be a billionaire, the father's CSA minimum payment would be the same. So it has heehaw to do with whether OP is struggling or not. It's about NRPs taking responsibility, at least financially, for their own children.



My frustration is with the financial side of things being determined by an online calculator which is aimed at screwing the father.

Aye, right. biscuit

StewieGMum Wed 29-Mar-17 17:37:09

Financial control is part of the pattern of abuse. Refusing to pay or deliberately paying less is the sign of a truly shitty father. Men who prefer their children to live in poverty rather than support them are abusive. With your exes history of abuse, you are far safer than going through the CMS than trying to deal with it.

ZombieApocalips Wed 29-Mar-17 18:28:45

The CMS is about screwing the father 😂😂

What would happen if all RP spent only 15% of their income plus child benefit on raising their child? The RP would be paying a hell of a lot more if he was raising the child in a relationship with the NRP.

OverOn Wed 29-Mar-17 18:32:27

The CMS is the minimum a non-resident parent should pay. You are not being 'entitled' to ask your ex to pay that amount toward your DC.

Don't let misplaced pride (and defending yourself to Kane) stop you from going through CMS. If your ex is unreasonable, then CMS is a hands off way of dealing with him.

Hellothereitsme Wed 29-Mar-17 18:40:01

Ignore Kane.

The CMS is a government tool designed to help non residential parents calculate what they should be paying for their children. It is the minimum. Good NR parents who can afford it pay more so that their children can go to clubs , school trips etc

Not all women are out to screw the father financially and not all fathers are out to screw their ex partners financially.

BlueDaBaDee Wed 29-Mar-17 19:15:14

Does the CMS take into account savings? My DDs dad doesn't have a job but has quite substantial savings. I don't get any money from him at present.

Somerville Wed 29-Mar-17 19:19:16

Go through CMS. That's the minimum he should be paying.

AyeAmarok Wed 29-Mar-17 20:28:01

Blue, no it doesn't unfortunately. Only salary (of PAYE employees, really).

EyeStye Wed 29-Mar-17 20:30:45

Do you have any idea what he earns? If not you need to ask for a p60 or say you'll ask for a CMS calculation if he does not volunteer it. CMS will check what he earns via HMRC or his employer.

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