What do I tell DD?

[Comealongpond89]

I'm a single mum with a 20 month old daughter. When dd was 3 months old her father was arrested for downloading indecent images and videos of children as young as 1. I left him the day he was arrested. To cut a long story short he pleaded guilty and got a suspended sentence. Dd hasn't seen him since he was sentenced and I learned the full extent of what he had done. She was 9 months old then. MIL still visits to see her which is fine and we get on very well. However he still sends presents for xmas through her which I'm not really happy about. He hasn't attempted to make contact or see dd in any way. However as dd gets older I know the inevitable questions about her dad will start. I don't want her to see him ever again. She doesn't know who he is so I don't see any point in introducing a stranger into her life. Anyway I was wondering if anyone has been through anything similar or had any advice as to what to say when she starts asking about her dad? Any advice would be much appreciated

[jeaux90]

My dd hasn't seen hers since she was two. She is almost 8.

When she asks it's usually generic things like, why don't we have a daddy etc I say that some people are not very good at being nice to other people and that mummy loves her, grandma loves her etc etc so aren't we lucky?

Sometimes it's because she would like me to do the schools runs more and I can't because of work so I remind her that mummy would still be doing the same job even if there was a daddy.

It's a tricky one, I'm sure you'll find the right answer that doesn't have to do with what he did. X

[Comealongpond89]

Thank you that's helpful

[Starlight2345]

I have told my DS I don't know as I can't imagine not seeing you everyday. I think that reassures him I won't leave.

I also have pointed out ex has another half brother who he doesn't see so it is not anything to do with my DS it is his ex's way of behaving.

[MiddleClassProblem]

I think there is a charity or two that can help you. One called offender families helpline popped up on google but there will be others too.

I have no idea what I'd do in your situation other than blocking contact. I would be tempted to reject the gifts from him too but I have no idea if that's appropriate or not.

[Comealongpond89]

Thank you middle class problem that's useful. Yes I don't want anymore presents from him either. I think I will be telling MIL to tell him I don't want him sending anymore presents.