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is it worth bothering

(9 Posts)
mylongawaitedlife Sat 04-Mar-17 01:18:32

DD's dad left early on in my pregnancy and i've never seen him since, he has never met her. he pays about £23 maintenance per week at the moment voluntarily and has been doing this since she was born. the child maintenance people have sent a letter to say that based on his current income he should be paying about £29 per week. i'm pretty sure if i say yes to the raise i'm going to get some angry messages. what should i do, leave things the way they are or risk the aggro?

i pay for everything else and my whole life, finances, i work full time, no benefits, and everything have been devoted to DD since she was born - i have virtually not family or other help so it's really changed my life entirely. when i asked the child maintenance people to define what he should be paying to begin with, he accused me of thinking i could live off of him which is nuts, my life is so hard and noone would do this for the money. the only thing is, i want to keep things amicable so that if DD wants to meet him at some point in her life and he agrees to that, it might go ok. i don't know what i'm going to say to her anyway once she is old enough to ask why her dad doesn't ever want to know her.

Karmaisabitch Sat 04-Mar-17 06:49:52

Fuck him off & take the extra money.

Honestly it's quite surprising the amount of women who try to keep things "amicable" with the men who so happily fuck off from their responsibilities.

When my son arrives, there is no room for discussion, my ex will pay what my son is entitled to, I couldn't care less what my ex thinks or feels.....he didn't think about that when he jogged on so I certainly won't pussy foot around him.

Don't do/not do things now just in case of what happens in the future.
If he wanted a relationship, he'd make the effort now.

The fact he hasn't even met her shows he's no interest.

Rainbowqueeen Sat 04-Mar-17 06:54:10

I would also get the full amount now. If you don't need it now you can bank it and use it when your DD is older and more expensive.

Read some of the other threads on here about deadbeat dads who are aggro about paying for their kids - the general rule seems to be that they stay deadbeat dads so I wouldn't hold on to the hope that he may become amicable later on.

BeingATwatItsABingThing Sat 04-Mar-17 06:54:13

I have to agree with the PP, I wouldn't be caring about his feelings at all.

TupperwareTat Sat 04-Mar-17 06:58:44

Go for it & when he earns more, he can pay more and then some. It really annoys me that they feel hard done by, paying the bare minimum.

They can actually pay a lot lot more on top of that if they wanted too. Begrudging your child anything is a horrible nasty attitude and he should be ashamed.

TupperwareTat Sat 04-Mar-17 07:00:05

And if you get angry messages - ignore them.

Starlight2345 Sat 04-Mar-17 18:26:59

Yes. Kids cost more. Clothes become more specific everything does. You never know what you might need the money for in the future.

mylongawaitedlife Sat 04-Mar-17 21:51:21

Thanks. I thought that would be the general consensus, but question myself. A lot. Good to have support on here x

dataandspot Sat 04-Mar-17 21:58:25

I choose to do the opposite than is being suggested.

He gives what his conscience dictates and I don't go through csa because I don't want the trouble.

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