I just can't find any way of accepting it in my mind.
There's a huuuuuuge back story of horrible events (mostly by DD's 'Father') that I can't even bring myself to type, but it involves him not being suitable for unsupervised Contact. No court order. No SS (as long as he doesn't have unsupervised contact). He then got a girlfriend and since then he hasn't seen her once. In over a year. And neither have his parents. Although they (his parents) did keep in touch via phone & Skype. Until about 7/8 weeks ago. Then all of a sudden - nothing. Not heard from them since.
I offered him a Contact centre several times but nope. It appears that because he only has 1.5 days off a week, that he would prefer to spend that time off with his girlfriend rather than drive the 70 miles to rebuild a relationship with his daughter! Either that or he is being manipulated & controlled by his girlfriend. Either way, he is still making the ultimate choice and it has absolutely DESTROYED my heart.
Of course I will never forgive him for what he's done, especially to DD. But to see my child be rejected like this, even by a twat like him, still breaks my heart. She adored him. And he seemed to adore her! They would both crawl around the house after each other. He giggled like a girl at all the funny things she did. And was fiercely protective over her.
He also very very hands on. Would have done every little bit of the hard work if I'd let him. He was so happy when he was around her. And me. Said it was the happiest time of his life when she was born and I believed him. (I still do...)
But then something just suddenly changed. He became aggressive, scary and controlling. Police were called numerous times. He just changed completely. And now it's been a year since he last laid eyes on her and I'm still crying myself to sleep over it.
Despite all he's done, for some twisted reason I still love him??? What is that about? I'm punishing myself. Torturing myself. Imagining him with her. Every time I see a sex scene on tv - it's him & his horrible girlfriend. Every time a happy memory of us flashes through my mind, I'm suddenly convinced that's what he's doing with her now. The woman he was secretly seeing for weeks whilst we were planning to rebuild our little family & try again. The horrible bitch that stole my child's daddy.....
Already tried every single AD my GP is able to prescribe and had a referral to IAPT & MHS but got nowhere. I just can't stop crying. All day every day. For the last year and for God knows how much longer...
Please or to access all these features
Please
or
to access all these features
Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.
Lone parents
Struggling to accept DD's 'Father & Grandparents' don't want anything to do with DD
28 replies
NotaSnowflake · 28/02/2017 15:16
OP posts:
Don’t want to miss threads like this?
Weekly
Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!
Log in to update your newsletter preferences.
You've subscribed!
Please create an account
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.