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DS half-sibling(s)

(11 Posts)
Robinlaidanegg Sun 26-Feb-17 12:40:42

Has anyone introduced a child to a half-sibling?

My DS has never met his biological father and never will. (There was severe abuse)

When my DS (now 4) was born I had become friendly with the mother of my sons eldest half-sibling (now 7) and we let the boys get close and play together. My ds won't remember that. Hers probably will. Anyone got any advice how to re-introduce my ds to a brother fathered by a man my ds has never met? And how to broach the subject later on that there are (at least) 2 other half-siblings out there that he probably won't meet?

Am I overthinking this?

nobullshitallowed Sun 26-Feb-17 12:58:43

I've no idea just bumping in the hope someone can help you xx

Robinlaidanegg Sun 26-Feb-17 12:59:50

Thank you nobullshitallowed - love your NN btw! grin

Bythebeach Sun 26-Feb-17 13:39:36

I think with all these things an age-appropriate simple message early on is best so there are no 'shocks' as the child grows up ( eg with adoption etc). I don't have such a complex situation but all my 3 have always known that the eldest has another daddy who is the one who made him with mummy and who he sees if you see what I mean. I don't know if it's okay to present the negative gently early on - eg we don't see your daddy because he treated us unkindly but you do have a brother who is older than you who is your daddy's son too....
Not sure if that is any help. Hope someone with more experience will be along with advice soon!

Robinlaidanegg Sun 26-Feb-17 13:46:50

Thank you, I've already told DS that we don't see his daddy because he's not a very nice man, felt like honesty was the best policy. DS hasn't asked since.

Am just stumped with the half-sibling issue. It's pretty complicated. I'm just scared of handling it all badly and somehow damaging my DS. Think it'll be a shock to him anyway even at 4 to learn he has a big brother.

AndNoneForGretchenWieners Sun 26-Feb-17 13:51:37

My friend found out she had older half siblings when she was 13. She hadn't even known her dad had been married before, and was devastated to find that everyone in her family knew she was not an only child except her. Her brother and sister were in their 20s and had children of their own. I remember spending time at her house while she just cried and didn't speak to her parents for ages because she felt that everything she knew about her identity wasn't true.

I would recommend introducing the subject in an age appropriate way as soon as you can, because the alternative could lead to real problems later on.

Bythebeach Sun 26-Feb-17 14:04:26

Well it sounds like you've handled it well about his dad so hopefully adding in that his dad has a son and because they both have the same dad, they are actually half-brothers would be a bit easier? You sound so aware of your son's feelings, I'm sure it will be fine. He is still v young and he will take the lead on the new info from you - if you present it positively as a brother to get to know and maybe play with, I' m sure he'll be fine!

Robinlaidanegg Sun 26-Feb-17 14:10:52

Thank you both flowers

andnoneforgretchen that's awful about your friend, am so sorry for her.

That's the kind of thing I want to avoid tbh. But there are two other siblings he won't meet... do I tell him about those too? confused

AndNoneForGretchenWieners Sun 26-Feb-17 14:18:41

I think honesty is the best policy. If your child's grandparents and other members of the family know, I believe your child should be told - you could say that he has siblings but they live somewhere else, or something like that - but he should know. I may not have thought that without seeing how upset my friend was, but her situation made me think of things differently.

Robinlaidanegg Sun 26-Feb-17 14:49:00

DS only sees my side of the family, he has absolutely nothing to do with any of his paternal 'family'. Never has had.
Half the trouble is I'm not entirely sure how many children my ex actually has? There's definitely mine and the eldest, and another two. And potentially two (I think) more aswell. All with different women. I haven't the first clue how to explain that.

Robinlaidanegg Sun 26-Feb-17 14:49:41

That didn't make any sense at all confused sorry!

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