Being a parent is hard enough without the constant abuse(7 Posts)
Hello, just needed to ramble on a bit. My ex is constantly emailing and texting abuse to me , many years after we broke up. Mostly the subject is how much of a terrible parent I am which is incredibly hurtful and also how terribly my own parents were in bringing me up.
His ultimate goal is for the children to live with him, has been since I left and now they're older he's trying to make them decide to do that by undermining my parenting to them constantly when they're at his house.
He's a controlling bully, he is relentless and I'm sure our childen may agree with his insinuations to make him happy while they are with him.
I'm pretty sure I'm not a shit parent anyhow, Im as capable as any other parent and try my best same as everyone.
What he's doing probably isn't enough to make a court rule that his contact should be decreased,so I have to take his abuse and I have to pray that he can't bully the children into doing something they don't want to do and it feels like absolute shit. I worry all the time about what this is doing to the children, it must be stressful to feel they have to express negativity about a parent to please the other? It's fucked up. How can someone be so relentlessly awful and have such an innate knowledge of how to control and manipulate?
And what the fuck was I thinking to have had children with this prick??
Writing it all down has helped a bit anyway,
Might help me get my thoughts on order
Do you reply to the texts because simply don't if he gets a response..Set down ground rules. You will only be responding to anything regarding contact.. If he bombards you with texts this is harrasment and should be reported to the police...Keep the texts of evidence.
Absolutely do set the record straight. If your children come back and say dad says ... about you. ..Do correct them . You don't have to say well he is a complete arsole so talks shit. But you can say no thats not right. he hasn't got that right..Give them evidence if you can..Point out the good things and how much you love them.
I have a friend who lost her ds to her dad ..Her biggest regret was that she assumed her DS would figure out how bad dad was but he just turned out a carbon copy instead.
Similar thread elsewhere but dad NOT interested.
DO correct children
DO be honest with children
DO consult solicitor and police (solicitor re contact police re harassment)
DO Keep but don't necessarily read texts.
DON'T cover for him
DON'T let them undermine you with his ideas
DON'T let them see it shake your confidence
My ex is definitely attempting parental alienation, as yours is. I have my DD seeing a play therapist in the hope she will be able to talk to them and get strategies to deal with it when she won't speak to me.
How old are the DC?
Do you have a set pattern for access?
Do the DC have their own mobile phones to take with them when they see the nrp?
Just to quash your worries - my ex actually told my 3 x ds I used to be a prostitute!! And he has truly tried to brainwash them for nearly TEN years. . Last year ds 14 moved in full time with me with nc with df and ds 12 moved in at Christmas full time little contact with df.
Karma is true. . Patience is all that's needed. . Block him contacting you. Tell him to organise contact etc through the dc phone. . Then they can see what he messages you. . Likely he will stop doing it then. And keep all for a solicitor. . They can order him to stop. . Judges don't take kindly to parental abuse like this. Your mh is an important factor in your dc lives not just contact with df. .
Firstly, I'm so sorry to read your post. I wish I could give you a hug. I blocked my ex and requested via email that he only contact me via email and told him why I'd had to do that. Keep your cool (not always easy). Barnados have an abuse support team. Perhaps have a word with them or speak to someone at gingerbread for advice. These guys have sadly seen it all before and can be really helpful in finding constructive ways to deal with this. Be honest with your children without ever resorting to rubbishing him, they will reach their own conclusions in the fullness of time. Just give your kids your time and keep on doing your best. Kids need love and consistency. Make sure they know how much you love them and that you are going nowhere. You are their mum and will always be there for them and put them first. It's horrible living this way but children are not stupid. Start speaking to people used to these situations and get help in safeguarding your children's emotional future. Wishing you lots of luck xx
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