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Advice/opinions needed please

(9 Posts)
Maria25 Fri 17-Feb-17 10:37:40


My daughter is 8 and has no formal contact arranged with her dad. He and I split almost 3 years ago and because of his abuse of me I had until very recently a non-molestation order in place. I also have a court order which states that she lives me until she is 18 and although he has joint parental responsibility, contact was left to him to arrange via a solicitor which he has never pursued even tho he stated in court that he would. He also refuses to pay child maintenance.
This is all relevant to my question I think....
My dd is currently having investigations and tests for a hormone condition and whilst everything has come back clear/normal so far the last thing to check is her pituitary gland so she needs an MRI. The chances of a tumour or anything else being discovered is small but there is still a chance...
So, if something is discovered should I contact her dad? Half of me thinks that it would be absolutely the right thing to do but the other half of me thinks that as his has more or less abandoned her then he has also abandoned his parental responsibilities as well. He has done nothing for her at all even though he lives 5 minutes from us. What would you do in the same circumstances?

Thanks for reading x

Maria25 Fri 17-Feb-17 11:57:36


ImperialBlether Fri 17-Feb-17 11:59:39

I really hope everything's alright with your daughter. I'm glad the hospital are taking it seriously, but you know the chances are tiny that something's seriously wrong.

I wouldn't tell him, personally. I would want to be surrounded by friends and family who love me and love my child; I wouldn't want to even speak to someone who'd rejected her like that.

Wishiwasmoiradingle2017 Fri 17-Feb-17 12:01:22

If it was me I would put all my energy into dd and not give him a second thought...
Having a fab dm (which sounds like she has!) is all she needs. A loser for a df is not needed at this time. . Fingers crossed for her. And flowersfor you!!

hickorydickorynurseryrhyme Fri 17-Feb-17 12:01:22

That's a tough one but if it was me I would tell him then the ball is in his court. At least you will have done the right/decent thing and your daughter will know that too.

Maria25 Fri 17-Feb-17 12:23:57

Thank you for your replies. The tests are for Pseudo-precocious puberty and they're trying to find out what the underlying cause could be. Everything has come back normal so far so the consultant has asked for the MRI to be really thorough. The chances of anything being found are really remote but still, there is a chance. I was just wondering really what others would do, part of me would want to tell him as it might spark some sort of fatherly response whilst the other part of me doesn't want him within a mile of us. It's all hypothetical really I suppose anyway!
Thanks again

ImperialBlether Fri 17-Feb-17 12:54:00

If he wanted to be a father to her, he would be. His behaviour's disgraceful. What if the results were positive and he came back into her life with all the drama of "My daughter's ill..." etc and wanted her on FB statuses etc and then dropped her again?

He's shown you who he is. Don't have anything to do with him. (Though I would be after him for child support for my daughter.)

Maria25 Fri 17-Feb-17 15:48:43

Imperial - you're right, he is an absolute disgrace. I cannot understand his behaviour towards our daughter at all. It's like she doesn't exist anymore to him however to any other person he gushes about how much he loves her. Just recently he has brought new work vans and taken out adverts in the local paper etc to try to drum up business and guess what he has called this new business? Our daughters name! (So xxxxx gardening services) what a joke! I am perusing him for child maintenance but because he is self employed they can't deduct from 'source' and I just have to wait for it to go through the process before the CMS will take any action.
Despite all of this, in an ideal world where he wasn't such a waste of organs, I would love dd and him to have a relationship but his feelings for DD are too wrapped up with his hatred for me and now everything is about getting back at me rather than what's best for DD.

Sorry that turned into quite a rant! Thanks for the perspective x

ImperialBlether Fri 17-Feb-17 21:51:56

You need to treat this man as though he doesn't exist now and focus all your energies on your lovely daughter. He doesn't deserve her.

flowers I hope everything goes well for her.

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