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Any local single mums 'by choice' out there?!

(16 Posts)
Nicky2468 Thu 16-Feb-17 08:47:22

Hi all,

Thought I'd give this a go as I'm hoping to get in contact or meet up with anyone localish (South East area) who are single mums 'by choice' (I'm not keen on that term really!!). I'm currently 34 weeks pregnant through IVF (using donor sperm). I would love to get in touch with anyone at any stage (IVF, pregnancy, parenthood) as the support and knowledge would be invaluable smile.
Nicky x

NooNooMummy Thu 16-Feb-17 10:49:56

Not in the same boat but i just wanted to say Congratulations and Good Luck. (I'm so impressed with you. I keep telling my sister that she doesn't need to find a man before she can have children - her clock is ticking) Well done!

FaFoutis Thu 16-Feb-17 10:59:31

I'm no good to you but just wanted to say, you lucky thing! If I had my time again I would do it your way.

Nicky2468 Thu 16-Feb-17 17:42:08

Thanks - I'd obviously rather have done this the traditional way but none of my paths have lead to that over the years. I firmly believe that the child that I'm carrying has always been destined to be so fate has led us both to this point. I was previously in a relationship for 3 years - he was constantly indecisive about children and I felt that I couldn't wait any longer for him to mature. I hear plenty of stories where women hang on waiting and end up leaving it too late. That wasn't something I could live with as I've always wokred with children and always wanted them. I feel that having my own child is far more important than being in a relationship (which could always end at any point down the road!) x

finnmcool Thu 16-Feb-17 17:51:22

Congratulations and good luck.
My daughter is now 24. I wasn't a lone parent by choice (her dad left when she was a baby, zero input on any level)
However, I thoroughly enjoyed bringing her up on my own. I believe she flourished with it being just the two of us, (if you met her 'father' you would agree) grin
It was fantastic to be able to totally focus on my daughter, without having to consider a partner's needs/ wants etc.
I am sure you will meet women in a similar position to yourself.
There is so much knowledge and warmth on here anyway.
Take care and enjoy it! flowers

NooNooMummy Thu 16-Feb-17 22:49:15

Finnnmcool - so lovely to hear that you believe that your daughter flourished from it being just the two of you. I am 7 months into being a single mum with virtually no input anymore from my soon to be ex husband and I worry a lot about trying to maintain her contact with him. For now, I've given up. And we're happy. I'd have been better off with a sperm donor!

NooNooMummy Thu 16-Feb-17 22:50:27

'her' is my 3 year old daughter

80sbabyz Thu 16-Feb-17 22:54:03

Hi Nicky2468

Congratulations on your pregnancy. I have a 13 year old and have been a single parent the last 8 years since her dad left, he's popped in and out of her lives over the years.

Well I've been thinking of using a sperm donor since my ex and I broke up. I'm actually planning to use a donor this year but need to lose a bit of weight first. Hopefully someone who has been in the same position will come along to offer you some advice smile

80sbabyz Thu 16-Feb-17 22:54:47

life not lives darn autocorrect she's not a cat with nine lives ha ha

alltheworld Thu 16-Feb-17 22:56:58

PM me or try the donor conception networl

ph0ebe Thu 16-Feb-17 23:00:15

I'm a sp through choice I guess, in that was my choice to leave ex wink
But I would love more children and definitely don't want another man in my life right now or in the foreseeable so I have thought about sperm donor...but that's as far as I've got. How did you go about choosing?
I'm in the se too.

boybogies2 Sat 18-Feb-17 14:40:26

I'm a single mum 'by choice' lol.
I didn't want to miss out on becoming a mum so found a donor and now have two children with 15months between them. confused

Frazzled2207 Sat 18-Feb-17 14:42:40

Not me but well done op and best of luck to you.

Nicky2468 Mon 20-Feb-17 17:04:09

Thanks for all your replies smile

It's nice to hear from anyone who's gone through either IVF, pregnancy and parenthood on their own (or all three!). Hearing about your stories reminds me of our real strength of character and how there are lots of positives in raising a child a single mum. Finnmcool, it's lovely to hear that your daughter has flourished with it just being the two of you. Ph0ebe, the whole experience of IVF was fantastic and the only thing I found a little stressful was the one trigger injection that I had to do to release all my eggs (timing as crucial with this and I panicked that I hadn't released all of it from the needle). The clinic I used (Spire/Lister) was faultless and I was lucky to not have any problems with my fertility, but even if I did, I'd would have felt completely confident in their hands. Finding the right donor was easy - I went down the list looking first at the photos (I'm not superficial but I feel it's important as I'm drawn to faces and the depth I can see and read in them!). His photo was lovely (and it was an older picture of him - about 5 years old), then I read the staff impression which again won me over completely. Looking at his profile in detail, other bits clicked with me too so it felt completely right. I did continue looking at all the others and by the end had two top ones, although the decision to go with my initial choice was easy. I didn't use the London Sperm Bank as there was very little choice and information about the donor (which I think is important for me and my child). The American sperm bank I felt was too far away (if/when my child wanted to try and contact them). So I went with the European Sperm Bank because of the good choice of donors, lots of lovely information about each of them and the fact that it was fairly close by (I want to take my child to Denmark when they're older). If you're seriously considering using a sperm donor the I'd definetely say to go for it soon. If it feels like it's the right thing and that you're not fighting against it then the process will naturally take you along smile X

exercisejunkie Fri 24-Feb-17 08:20:25

Hi, I'm embarking on single parenthood but not through IVF, i'be chosen to adopt instead and feel it's the right choice for me.

Eyes fully open and mind fully prepared to do everything myself. It will be hard, but I'm determined and gave a great support network.

Cally70 Fri 24-Feb-17 20:33:59

Are you a DCN member? There's a SE SMC group there

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