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How do I ask my friend why her kids are wearing thread-bare clothes?!?

(5 Posts)
Tracey300884 Sun 12-Feb-17 10:27:41

So I've been noticing that my friend's 2 older kids (boys of primary age) are wearing thread-bare clothes with huge gaping holes in.

Also, yesterday we all met up on the bitterly cold day that it was, and both the boys were wearing grotty t-shirts that were too small & with holes in and coats over the top (that wouldn't fasten).

I know many people on here will take the stance of "None of your business, stay out of it" But as she is my friend and I know her situation right now, I genuinely want to help!! I can buy them some new clothes happily.

However she get's very very defensive very easily! I gave her some of my child' brand new clothes that she'd never worn for her youngest, and she took offence, thinking of it as 'Charity' when actually, I would have given her those clothes regardless. Even if she was a millionaire! They were lovely clothes from Next and I didn't have the heart to throw them away nor the time to sell them! (Will send to Charity Shop in future!)

What do I do? I really am concerned but don't want to lose her as a friend as she is the type that will most likely end the friendship at the first sign of criticism. (Or what she will see as criticism)

She does already have a S Worker due to a different situation (not down to her own actions). However she rarely sees the boys as she meets up with her whilst boys are at School. All of her other kids are smart, clean & wear lovely clothes! I don't get it?

They was regularly and they all eat great. It's just this one thing regarding the boy's clothes that is upsetting me to see. WWYD? Would you say something?

No nasty comments please. I am genuinely concerned and I am adamant that this does not warrant a NSPCC or SS call.


ineedamoreadultieradult Sun 12-Feb-17 10:31:55

Possibly the boys are choosing these clothes and she is going along with it for an easy life. Some kids get very attached to clothes and will ignore the brand new clothes to wear their grotty comfy favourites. How do they dress for school do they have well fitting school uniform?

DoctorBeat Sun 12-Feb-17 10:37:21

Perhaps the boys don't look after their clothes so she limits how often she buys them? I.e. I will buy you this t shirt, but if it gets ruined I'm not buying you one for 3 months etc?

Groovee Sun 12-Feb-17 10:38:35

I have a boy who doesn't give 2 hoots and drags his hokey comfy joggers out of the bin. Because he likes them although it drives me potty!

EnormousTiger Sun 12-Feb-17 10:40:05

One of my teenagers has been wearing school shoes with a visible hole on the top of one of them for about 3 years now! I have offered to replace them many many times but he won't - he just likes this pair.

I tend to wear clothes until they have holes actually and he is like me - utterly non materialistic and could not care how he looks which is very refreshing. Not all of us are like that and his twin is totally different.

In your case it probably is shortage of money for this friend though. Mind you loads of children refuse to fasten coats and sometimes it is fine for them to leave them unfastened and it is the fussy parents who want clothes just so with no mud who are actually the worse parents!

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