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Can I tell him to stay away?

(2 Posts)
Confuzzlediddled Sat 11-Feb-17 12:31:12

Sorry this is an essay...

I split with exh in 2006 when dt's were 3. Contact has always been sporadic to say the least, nowadays he'll probably text them about 2/3 times a year. For many years I spent a fortune ferrying them from Yorkshire where we live to Scotland where he moved to after we split up.

When he remarried he didn't invite them because I wasn't willing to take them out of school and take time off work myself, transport them there and pay for a hotel room for me and them - apparently me telling him he had to take responsibility for them was unreasonable.

Last summer Dt's went to stay with his mum for a week in the summer (ive always done my best to maintain that relationship) she took them to visit him (first time they had seen him for 3 years) and even she said he had to stay in contact and this was his last chance.

He made the usual promises of staying in touch - this consisted of a text beginning of September, another on 26th October, a call on Xmas day (and a £15 wh Smith gift card) and a text on thier birthday in Jan (followed by cards that were posted 2 days after thier birthday)

He is apparently visiting his mum and lo and behold a text arrived from his mum to dd, followed by a text from his wife, then one from him all in the space of 10 mins. Nothing for ds..

Ds then got a text a few hours later. It asked how are you - he replied saying fine and got no response. He's autistic so struggles with emotions and had cried this morning about it. This was made worse by the fact dd had been getting texts again.

He then sent his gran a text saying he had deleted daddy's number - 2 mins later gets another text saying how are you (again) he's replied to this saying "I said last night I was fine but you ignored me" cue more tears.

I've had enough of picking up the pieces to be honest, they get upset when he gets in touch, it settles down in the long periods he doesn't and then when he does it all starts again, they've had counselling at school to help deal with their feelings about it but the sporadic contact makes it all come back.

Bearing in mind he was told last summer it was his last chance would it be wrong to tell him not to get in touch with them, I'll block him from thier phones if I need to.

I don't want them to lose the relationship they have with thier gran, but I just can't keep seeing them be upset, they agree its better if he didn't contact them at all (they've just turned 14)

Starlight2345 Sat 11-Feb-17 14:22:03

At 14 I would definitely ask DD what she wants and DS too although you will have to judge a little more for DS.

By this age they will both know exactly how dad is. I would tell them you will support what they want to happen.

The difficulty is the DT's want different things .

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