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(4 Posts)
user322322323 Wed 08-Feb-17 14:10:25

sorry for the long post

I have an amazing little boy who's father refuses to be in his life, he seen him a few times just after he was born but decided he wanted nothing to do with the baby because of me.

it all started when I was in a FWB situation, I always knew he did not want a relationship with me and he made it clear that he did not want children we agreed that if there was an accident and I got pregnant that I would either get an abortion or bring the child up alone as a single parent.

This situation went on for around 2 years, sometime we would have no contact for months and other times we would meet up at his or mine for sex 2 or three times a week. We never socialised together and no one knew about our arrangement. However, I couldn't stop myself from falling in love with him but I never told him as I knew he would stop seeing me.

When I told him I was pregnant, he was really upset and expected me to arrange the abortion but when I told him I was going to keep the baby he said that he would financially support the baby but wanted nothing more to do with me. I was alone all through my pregnancy, I tried to involve him, but he wasn't interested. He agreed to buy stuff that I might need (he put money into my bank account) but did not want to be part of the pregnancy, he said he would be in the childs life but not as a full time Dad.

While I was pregnant, he got together with someone he had liked for a long time and they became a couple. I was really upset and hurt when he told me as I was carrying his baby but he said that he was serious about this person and that I had to find a way to accept it as he planned to marry her.

My baby was born and when I text the Dad to tell him, he wished us both well and said he would make arrangements to see the baby, but he wanted his fiancé (they had gotten engaged by that point) to be involved from the beginning. I refused and said no, if he wanted to see his son then it had to be on my terms. We had argument after argument until, when my son was 6 months old, his Dad decided he wanted nothing to do with either of us.

It has now been 5 years since my son was born and I haven't managed to move on. I still dream and hope that his Dad will come back to us. I know he is married now but I just can't seem to let go. I have tried to contact him a few times but he ignored my texts, I have gone to his work place and his home but each time he has been nasty to me.

I see him and his wife around and cant stop feeling hurt and angry at them because I'm the one struggling to bring up my son alone...

Can anyone give me some advice that isn't just - leave him to it....

RacoonBandit Thu 09-Feb-17 12:15:14

Stop stalking him. It could end badly for you with a criminal conviction.

Seek counselling.

Penfold007 Thu 09-Feb-17 12:41:26

This man was never with you so can't 'come back'. You made the choice to have a child knowing your FWB didn't want a relationship with you or a child with you (he was an idiot not to use a condom).
If he isn't paying child maintenance then go through the CMS. If he wants access he is free to go to court to arrange it. Please stop stalking him and his wife.

Starlight2345 Thu 09-Feb-17 15:11:12

This man was never even your boyfriend.He was clear he did not want a baby with you but has offered financially to support your child.

I think you need help to come to terms with the fact this guy never wanted to be in a relationship with you and your child. Your arguing has possibly drove him away.

However now you are at the point he wants nothing to do with either of you and you do need to accept this.

He never promised you anything else

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