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So complicated

(12 Posts)
Krgoliver Fri 03-Feb-17 09:55:09

So my husband had an affair with a work colleague, he chose to leave our marriage to be with her. I was heartbroken. Not the first time he'd done it but we'd worked through it and had many years happy. I was blindsided by it all. However, there has been a glitch. I am pregnant with his child after a 1 night together a few months after he'd left. It was a mistake, he's still with the other woman but now there is a child. I went through all my options and I just couldn't bring myself to have an abortion, so I am keeping it. I have also told him that although the child is his, I don't expect it to change anything etc. However, he's yet to tell his family and his new girlfriend. I don't know what to do. I don't want to push him to do it as it'll effect our kids but his family deserve to know and they'll certainly find out when they visit my children. I don't know what to do and if I should tell them anyway as he's just burying his head in the sand and ignoring that the child exists. He's to scared it'll ruin his new relationship as he slept with me long after we split. So he can't lie his way out of it.

OP’s posts: |
Ladybird1979 Fri 03-Feb-17 12:19:25

He will have to tell sooner or later. How far along are you? If less than 12 weeks I'd personally wait then let him know when you look intend telling the kids.

Krgoliver Fri 03-Feb-17 12:57:12

I'm 16 weeks, our kid have known for a while now. They're very excited. So there is no keeping it a secret as far as they are concerned.

OP’s posts: |
Krgoliver Fri 03-Feb-17 13:50:33

I'm 16 weeks so the kids already know and are very excited.

OP’s posts: |
GTS Fri 03-Feb-17 13:56:45

This is his mess to sort out, and his problem in how he approaches it with his family and new girlfriend...particularly now your DC children know and are excited by it. See how it pans out, you've already told him that you don't expect anything from him. He can only bury his head in the sand for so long....

Ladybird1979 Fri 03-Feb-17 15:14:27

At some point the truth will out. Don't push it out. Let his website of lies catch up with him. Karma will always get you in the end :-)

Ladybird1979 Fri 03-Feb-17 15:15:26

Obvs meant web not website. Good luck with it all. So exciting for you enjoy the pregnancy x

ImperialBlether Fri 03-Feb-17 15:18:39

grin Website of lies.

ImperialBlether Fri 03-Feb-17 15:19:11

It looks as though his girlfriend's going to know exactly how you felt, doesn't it?

SaorAlbaGuBrath Fri 03-Feb-17 15:23:17

I'm sorry that he put you through all this, and your kids too. Have his family not been in touch with your kids for a while? He needs to tell them, and quickly. As for her, the expression "you reap what you sow" springs to mind. She can hardly play the victim when it's exactly what she happily did to you!

Krgoliver Fri 03-Feb-17 15:45:12

His family live a fair bit away from us and they make minimal effort to see the kids. They've booked time to see the kids in May and August but it will have been 8 months since they last saw them in that time and only once since they found out about the affair. I thought it would increase as they were all about being there for them but really haven't. Thankfully my kids don't miss them too much but it's still hard on them especially as I don't have any family of my own.
I've made sure my kids have had the easiest possibly time through it all and as a family we're super excited about the little one, even if it's not the perfect timing or circumstances. I've tried to be honest through it all with them and my support, that I just wish he'd do the same because as much as his family don't make an effort, they'd still like to know and they're missing out.

Thank you all for your advice. I will wait a while longer and hope he makes the right choices.

OP’s posts: |
SaorAlbaGuBrath Fri 03-Feb-17 15:49:02

It sounds like you and your kids have had a lot of promises but no actual support. For what it's worth, I think you've coped amazingly despite your whole world being blown apart, your kids are lucky to have you as their mum.

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