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help needed :-) ex not seeing the children

(3 Posts)
confusedmum2017 Thu 02-Feb-17 19:11:22

Hi everyone,

Never posted on here or any forum before so completely new to it all...
Anyway, I split up with my now ex on New Years Eve 2016, as he had changed over the course of a year due to various reasons which I'm not going into on here :-) the relationship wasn't working and from my view he was controlling and possessive (think that's the word I'm trying to use?)

Back to the story...

He went to go and stay with his dad and step mum, hardly saw the children who are 4 and 2 and claimed he couldn't see them as he wasn't in his house anymore...he was half an hour away. I offered to leave the house to allow him to spend time with them, invited him for dinner and even offered to go away overnight to allow him so time with them...all of which was refused except he came for dinner once.

2 weeks into the split he made a point of saying 2 weeks was long enough to find a new house. Kept threatening to move back in which as I was waiting for money to start coming in would have slowed the process down.

I finally moved out on last Friday and told him that I had moved out on the Sunday giving me enough time to actually move everything...not that I was allowed to take anything as it was "all his as he had paid for it all"

To add to that I hadn't told him my new address as I didn't want him turning up out of the blue but it just so happens that he turned up on Monday at 8am demanding to see the children.

He told me the other day that because of his shifts he could only tell me when he was having them on a week by week basis which realistically is no good as we have other things to do and people to see. To add to that bombshell he told me that he would only having them stay over at his 1 in every 5 weekends as the other weekend he might get off is his as he deserves a life.

I offered to bring the children to his on Sunday morning and pay for them all to go to the cinema but he declined because his new found love for the church was more important.

I've made it clear to him that if he isn't going to have the children regularly enough so we are 50/50 parenting that I was going to go through child Maintance as he wouldn't be paying his fair share towards their upkeep. In response to that he told me if I do contact them he will involve social services even though the health visitor, nursery, school and women's aid people have said there's no need for them to be involved. He also told me today that I have done too much to stop him from having contact, but I know I've tried to be as accommodating as I can to him.

I've also brought a new pay as you go phone which is how I want him to contact the kids and to use that number to let me know when he's having them. I want him to stop texting my number and giving me the constant abuse he is. I cannot be bothered dealing with the drama unless it involves my children, I was advised to get the new phone by the women's aid lady.

He's called me an unfit mother, keeps telling me he loves me and that deep down I still want to be with him just won't tell him...I can categorically say that I don't want to be with him ever again after the way he's treating me and my two beauties!

Right now he's paying £50 a week Maintance which is the amount for 2/3 times a week. I found out today that if he isn't going to have them more than 1 weekend in 5 he should be paying over £100 a week :-/

I guess my question to you wonderful ladies is do I contact Child Maintance and say he's only having them 1 weekend out of 5, let him get on with it or keep pushing him to have them?

Penfold007 Thu 02-Feb-17 19:54:22

Take the power away from him and disengage. Start a CMS claim straight away, block him on your phone/email etc so he has to go through the designated number. Keep all his messages. Would be worth seeing if mediation re access would be appropriate. Good luck.

confusedmum2017 Thu 02-Feb-17 20:24:46

Thank you :-)

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