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Lonely and new to the area

(6 Posts)
jumbledmind Sun 29-Jan-17 23:56:01

I have a dc who is under 2 years old, i had been with my child's father for five years but we split a year ago. My dc's father sees our baby every weekend, but i am always with them as we still enjoy doing things as a family, and if i'm being completely honest, i can't bear the idea of parting with my child even if it is only for an hour. When we found out i was pregnant we moved to a new area, but after the split my ex moved back to his hometown, which has left me in a new area with no one near by. I don't drive, and i'm a full time mum, so my income is low.
I'm not the most confident person which holds me back from making new friends, I've tried local parent groups and baby classes, but as i'm a young mum, and the other mums are a little older and don't seem to interact socially as much. (I'm not saying this is the case with everyone, i really don't want anyone to take offensive) I don't know what more i can do. I really would appreciate some advice. Tia

Blu99 Mon 30-Jan-17 06:44:15

The first thing you need to do is loosen your grip on dc. I understand the anxiety behind having to be apart from your child but it gets easier. I dreaded this and it made me really upset. I'm on maternity leave so I've been doing keeping in touch days at work and that's the time she has away from (good for independence) She gets solid daddy time whilst I'm gone and they've built a stronger relationship. It's important that your dc has quality time with you two together, if it's healthy but dc should equally have quality time alone with each parent. Your ex should be able to have time alone with your dc like you do. Take it slow and maybe start by doing something for a few hours one day. Go to a excercise class or have a look for classes/hobbies that reflect your interests and you're more likely to find people who are like minded. Also have a look at different parent classes in your area, swimming classes or a pushchair club etc? Have a look for somewhere that would attract younger mothers.

Is it possible for you to consider working part time so you can get yourself back out there? There's tax credits and childcare scheme/vouchers that support working families. It will help your feel more confident and get you socialising with all sorts of people.

Hope this helps.

errorofjudgement Mon 30-Jan-17 06:46:51

If there are no ties to the current area, what about moving to be close to family or friends?

jumbledmind Mon 30-Jan-17 09:30:24

Blu99 thank you for your reply, i have once tried to leave dc with her dad, but it just didn't work out. I would hate it to come across as his a bad dad, because he is fantastic with her, but i have offered him every weekend for the last three weeks to take dc out on the Saturday whilst he was here, and he just doesn't seem to want to. But then complains he has not quality time with her. I've also suggested play dates for him to take her to as his sister has two dc around our child's age.
I've recently signed up for dc to start swimming lessons, so i am hoping that improves our social life more. But it is only one day a week, so i'm still twiddles my thumbs for the next six days. With part-time work, i am qualified. But even with the help, it would still make a dent in my income and at the moment any dent feels like a huge crater, and i can barely leave my dc with her dad or grandparents for five minutes so i know daycare would completely leave me distraught at the moment.
errorofjudgment i wish it was that simply, i don't have any real reason to move, so i doubt i would receive any help at the moment. My sister visits sometimes as she is about 30 mins drive away, so i know if i did move it would be quite pointless as i'd only have my sister there anyway.

Blu99 Tue 31-Jan-17 15:41:19

Do you speak to his sister? Could you arrange for your dc to go round hers this Saturday and tell your partner that he's spending time with her there this weekend. Every family has to do things when they're ready but equally it's important that your partner has the confidence to look after her alone. Your dc needs to get use to, you not always being there otherwise, she'll struggle when she goes to school. I agree with your views on childcare.That was one step too far for me too. Try to make a little extra anyway you can. I sell all my my dd's old clothes and bits on eBay and any bits around the house I don't need. Does your ex pay child maintenance? Do you receive child tax credit/are you eligible? Try to remain positive and make little steps towards stepping away from being a wonderful mummy 24/7 😊

ChronicPainDaddy Tue 31-Jan-17 16:09:58

I'm in a similar but slightly different situation. When I was medically discharge from the RAF we moved from Lincolnshire back tp the Midlands where we were both from but we moved to the area my (separated) wife is from rather then the area I'm from. Que just under two years later she leaves for another man leaving me as a disabled lone parent of two with my family 40 minutes to an hour away and knowing nobody but as my eldest is older then your DC I made new contacts when she started school.

However there will be services in the area that you can access. Homestart are a charity that helps parents, they run groups that people can access and also run a volunteer service were they match you with a person who will come and see you once a week and could even go to the groups with you to help you meeting people

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