Am I doing enough right thing?(3 Posts)
Long post alert...
Basically.. me and my ex split 2.5years ago, we have a 4yr old & a (almost) 3yr old, he was never supportive throughout our relationship (were together 4yrs) it was based on lies and cheating from his part, anyway I decided to end it after fed up of being unhappy all the time! When he has our children he has them over at his parents house as the children have their own room and everything they need, anyway When we first split he would see our elder daughter every Saturday and the youngest only once a month! Sine then he's gone on to have a gf and loose interest in our children only having them 48hrs a month, as my children have got older and him taking less and less interest in them, I applied for mediation, I believe my children deserve more than just. 48hr a month relationship with their father, literally he doesn't see them for their bdays or call or ask how they are only bothers when it's 'his weekend' we went to mediation and agreed to him to start having them fri-Sun every other week, he reluctantly agreed, I thought we were getting somewhere, a week or two after mediation I get a text from him say he won't be doing as agree at mediation and will only be sticking to the 48hrs a month and in his words 'he has his own life' so I said fine you enjoy your life and if you want to see your children then take me to court!
This was November, he hasn't seen them since,(I had to block him and his gf due to abusive messages, sonny only contact was via his parents), my children have been seeing his parents (they've also been paying his maintenance as 'he can't afford to' although he works full time) but his mum has now got in touch to ask when I'm going to let him see the kids as 'this has been going on for long enough' I discovered 2 weeks ago he took and overdose and now this week iv found out his new gf if pregnant!
Personally I want this to go to court to get sorted, I think my children deserve more than just a 48hr a month father if he can't do that then I want all contact stopped for good!
Just don't know if I'm doing the right thing or what to do next?! Am I being unreasonable?
Thank you if you read this, all comments and advice welcome! X
The children need contact to be consistent once a month isn't enough to build a relationship with them.
If he's taken an overdose you need to know that he has taken the steps to help himself so you know he will be able to look after the children when in his care
Court want happen especially if he 'can't afford to pay maintenance, maybe try mediation again but ask him what he would like and what he thinks the children deserve.
I can understand you would want to cut contact altogether it's very hard for a mother when a father can not be bothered with his children but my advice would be not to unless he causes them harm.
My ex sees my kids 24 hours a fortnight. I think that it should be more but the kids don't get along with his gf and this is the only amount that he can get away from his gf.
I don't understand why he'd choose things to be like this but neither a court nor I can change that so I have to roll with it. Ex does not know any of the important details of their lives. E.g. He wouldn't know their best friends' names or how they did in recent school tests. They all have mobile phones so have plenty of chances to chat between visits without me involved but all they get are messages saying "I can't wait until I see you tomorrow." on the day before contact and messages guilting them for attending a social event like friends' birthdays over contact. "I'm going to miss you sooo much."
We (the kids and I) have come to accept that he's chosen to go from living with them 24/7 to 24 hours a fortnight. If the shoe was on the other foot I really couldn't imagine doing the same but he's an adult and has made this choice.
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