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can't function without them can't get stuff done without them

(8 Posts)
Ididntwetmyself Sun 22-Jan-17 11:25:31

Recently separated
We do alternate weekends
I live far away from my parents and old school friends
Local more recent friends seem suddenly unavailable or seeing them/talking to them just makes me feel worse.
I plan to clean and batch cook and a bit of socialising but weekends come and go and I've done nothing.
So another week of stress and crap
I'm trying to be upbeat and positive.
I feel so alone and lost. I can't make even simple decisions by myself.
I am no fun, feel like a desperate saddo who nobody will want to hang out with nevermind be attracted to.
Constantly worried about what dxh will say/want to do next ie sell house and force us to move, push joint custody swapping houses every week...
Scared I'm going down a slippery slope

anonyAnonymouse Sun 22-Jan-17 15:04:30

If you think of a large list of things you want to get done in a weekend it can get overwhelming and then you'll end up doing none of it.
What 1 thing would you like to do for yourself during your next free weekend?
May I suggest something like yoga or Pilates?
though it could also be going to a local museum, going to a gig, finding a group that does a hobby your interested in...

You can't control your ex and how twatish he behaves, you can not control if friends are available, you can though plan one nice thing to look forward to each weekend that is just for you. Be nice to yourself, you are not boring, you just have a lot going on and you need to treat yourself better because you deserve it.
This weekend I felt terrible, so Yesterday I took time to pamper myself and then did some of my hobby that I love but just haven't done for a while. Then today I felt like doing some housework and I planned my next free weekend . Pilates class and finally seeing a friend who is usually booked up weeks in advance, I'm not 100% sure I will get to see them but if I don't then I'll still be going to Pilates and doing something for me.
Good luck and enjoy planning your next free weekend

dataandspot Sun 22-Jan-17 15:07:15

I think you need to be kinder to yourself. It's a recent separation and extremely stressful situation.

Absolutely nothing wrong with just resting every other weekend till you get your equilibrium back.

Ididntwetmyself Tue 24-Jan-17 05:47:50

Thank you both xx

Starlight2345 Tue 24-Jan-17 21:44:48

I agree it gets easier.. Can I suggest you put a timer on..Give yoursel half an hour to get anything done you can without the kids..( it is usually ten times as much) do it enthusiastically I usually put the music on..After that give yourself permission to stop and praise yourself..You usually find you then think I will do this / just do that but if you really don't feel like it you have still achieved.

Is there any form of sport you like..I have a friend who runs, I like to swim and actually prefer to do it on my own as other people want to chat.Those could be good. Watch grown up TV.

Ididntwetmyself Wed 25-Jan-17 00:41:34

Starlight that's amazing
I can see how that timer idea would make such s difference
Saturday i tend to wake up at 10
Anyone who knows me (cosleeping and bf for almost 3 years now) will know how amazing this is, just sleeping alone is a luxury (and s bit depressing) and I enjoy a leisurely poached egg breakfast and then jump into some house activity/chore.

By Saturday mid afternoon the loneliness creeps in and I feel untethered and lost

Your kindness means a lot

BlackeyedSusan Thu 26-Jan-17 20:14:04

get in food they do nto like. (you can batch cook some for just you in the week.

beans on toast on wholemeal bread is a nutricious meal.

Louw12345 Fri 27-Jan-17 09:26:53

The first time my children went for the weekend I did nothing absolutely nothing it was hard and the longest weekend of my life.
The weekend after that I ran myself a hot bubble bath and enjoyed Saturday night tv all to myself
I must admit I did cry and felt alone but I really needed that time to find myself
Sometimes we see ourselves as just mums but we arent just mums we are ourselves to. We push our own hobbies and stuff to one side to be mums and lose us to ensure the children have everything they need.

My children noticed a real change in me and for the better although my 12 year old is struggling that she now has to tidy up after herself and put her clothes away haha

Honestly don't worry to much if you don't want to do anything just don't and if you do go and do it. Just enjoy you

You will get there I promise you that
Good luck

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