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Advice plz - Dad dropped kid to school mega late

(16 Posts)
waddleandtoddle Wed 18-Jan-17 21:30:21

I am furious. Dad (who I am no longer with) dropped our kid off at school after 10am today. He overslept because he was ill (but I can't rule out hangover or because he stayed up late). Kid couldn't wake him this morning to be taken to school - they're 6. Mid week stays are recent. Dad does an important job - but I feel that is allowing me to make excuses.

Everything until now - such as CM - has been done informally and kinda works. But I want something formal now as the arrangement isn't safe or wise. I'm gonna cease overnight stays. What do I do? I'm dreading seeing the teacher tomorrow to explain why they were late - do I just point to the dad?

GreenGoblin0 Thu 19-Jan-17 00:18:10

you're going to cease overnight stays because of one late drop off to school or are there other reasons?

how many overnight stays are you talking about and how long have they been established for?

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett Thu 19-Jan-17 00:20:28

You don't actually have to explain why they were late - it's not on you. A simple 'sorry, they were at their dad's, you'll need to follow up any queries with him' will do.

childmaintenanceserviceinquiry Thu 19-Jan-17 00:31:12

I did that once, massively overslept. It was so embarrassing. I knew the school office staff pretty well as I did school run most days. I called the school, explained the situation and then got DC up, breakfast etc, then off to school.

It happens.

Are you looking for an excuse to cut contact? Sounds like it. Seriously - arrangement isnt safe or wise - based on this as evidence??

waddleandtoddle Thu 19-Jan-17 06:34:54

Thank you for the perspective :-)

I was going to stop mid week stay because I'd like to know they are getting to school okay. I was concerned more for the fact my child said they couldn't wake him up - so I know the likelihood of anything dangerous like a fire happening is slim, but surely as a parent you need to be able to respond if these situations occur? It also meant the child was unsupervised for at least 3 hours and didn't have breakfast in that time. I can understand being late by half hour, but nearly 2 hours?

Times and established - one midweek stay and Fridays and weekends are shared and tend to be rotated. Been in place since last summer.

So it's best I just leave things as they are? And if anyone questions it, just point to dad? Keeps it quite easy really.

Starlight2345 Thu 19-Jan-17 12:53:02

I am sure the teacher will not comment based on one late mark.. It will be marked down. If he is later every week then yes mid week contact needs relooking at however based on one late let it go.

RacoonBandit Thu 19-Jan-17 12:59:04

He was ill!!

Christ lets see him going for full custody next time you sleep in or are sick hmm

GreenGoblin0 Thu 19-Jan-17 19:54:23

As Racoon says - what would you do if he suddenly said he was going to stop you having the children mid week because you took them to school late once? you need to give him the benefit of the doubt if he says he was ill.

CL12345 Sat 21-Jan-17 12:27:38

He was ill!!

What about the resident parent being sick, tired, hangover? The world doesn't stop revolving because of that. Kids still need to be fed, cared for and brought to school. If said parent can't make it to school, arrangements can possibly be made.

One occurrence of him being late for school seems like a poor reason to stop mid week stay overs. I would be very upset though, so I can understand OP's overreaction.

GreenGoblin0 Sat 21-Jan-17 17:10:36

so you think a resident parent has never taken their child into school late before?!

DemelzaP Sat 21-Jan-17 17:15:05

I'd be really concerned about my six year old being on their own with someone they couldn't wake up.

What if the son had got ill in the night and couldn't wake him?

AliceInUnderpants Sat 21-Jan-17 22:28:12

I woke up at 8.55am yesterday. The children were all awake, but I had accidentally left my phone on silent and slept through the alarm.

Should my ex get custody of our children Mon-Fri?

DemelzaP Sun 22-Jan-17 06:31:47

Did your children try to wake you up?

picklemepopcorn Sun 22-Jan-17 07:04:53

Once is not enough to change the arrangements. Ask school to pursue it if it happens again. If it happens a lot, that is different. Presumably if he isn't having problems at work then he is ok.

CannotEvenDeal Sun 22-Jan-17 07:28:20

One late mark is really not that big a deal... we (successfully) went for full legal residence with no weekday stays when my dh's exw did a trial run of spending more time with dss (5yo at the time, now 12) but kept him off school completely up to three times a week! angry

waddleandtoddle Wed 01-Feb-17 09:42:19

Well I kept in place all the arrangements and took a step back - I was angry because I was upset and didn't want my kid to be worried about going to school late.

But it's happened again today - I've just been text to say my kid is running late for school and will be in later. I suppose ex will say he's ill again. Where do I draw the line? And please don't get me wrong - I'm not looking to stop them having a relationship or overnight stays at weekends - everything is amicable.

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