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Is This Really Every Woman's Dilemma?

(3 Posts)
TieGuanYin Sun 15-Jan-17 04:15:11

Hello All,

I usually do not like husband rants, but this post will fall between a rant and understanding our role as mothers.

I will start with a question:

Are "most" men lazy?

I have been asking myself this question for months now. I try to read about it because I do not want to form a conclusion regarding my husband's uninterest in carrying on simple household activities (like taking the trash out, emptying the dishwasher, collectiving crumbs from under the table when our daughter is done eating...etc)

I have a husband who cares about me, and that's about it. He shows it but being nice for 2 minutes when he comes back from work. The rest of the day, he is glued to his device and looks after our daughter for no more than 2 hours before she goes to bed. At the dinner table, we don't talk. This is because when I have something to say, he nods his head or laughs. He never has something to add to the conversation. He clearly has no interest in what I say. Trust me, I'm not boring. I'm a researcher and I usually talk to him about topics he is interested in. But he has no interest in hearing it from me.

I used to be able to accept this behaviour because I like to look at the glass half full. He is nice, he cares about me, and he takes good care of our daughter. However, we moved to another country a few months ago. This has proven to be unbelievably difficult because the language barrier prevents making any friends. The security situation too is a problem, hence, we don't go out much anymore. Finding a job is impossible also because of the language barrier. So, I feel I'm under house arrest. I'm taking care of our daughter and I hardly talk to anyone during the day. I feel that my situation is not healthy at all.

This is why I'm really hoping to hear from you all because I need advice. What to do in my situation; where I have a husband who is not helping much, not interested in talking to me, not being able to have friends and communicate with people and not even having a job?

We were looking forward to moving to this country. But now, the whole move became a nightmare and I feel worse and worse everyday.

One last thing, I told him to help me so many times. He helps once in a blue moon and makes it seem like he did something grand. We had so many fights over this. Now I gave up completely on him regarding helping around the house.

Any advice will be HIGHLY appreciated.

Thank you all.

Eclecticmama Sun 15-Jan-17 09:00:40

Sorry to hear your in this situation. Don't have much advice to offer, other than have you written DH a letter explaining how you feel and outlining what you would like him to work on/change? Sounds like you need proper communication, which is difficult if he's not engaging in any conversation.

I'd also suggest starting something like "date night" sounds a bit lame but gives you both something to look forward to and tries to rekindle the spark, or at least reconnect.

Good luck flowers

KarineF Sun 15-Jan-17 10:36:12

Hello There,

I am sorry to hear what is going on with you.... It sounds really hard as there is no communication. I haven't got much advice to give, I think like Elictrimama says, a letter is worth a go as it won't lead to an argument as much and he will read everything you have to say.... Letters also give people time to think about it.

I couldn't live like what you are describing, it would drive me mad as I like having interactions with people I am with. What you are describing is a lack of interest in my view and it seems as if he just takes you for granted. Have you tried to ask him directly why he is not talking to you? Does he talk with your daughter? Does he talk when family is around (before you left) does he talk with his friend? Is it just with you?

I hope it get sorted for you as it's not right that you have no conversations, no. I mean some men are like that and they don't seem to value conversation but then you have to ask yourself if you can cope with that or not? You need to feel valued and appreciated and recognised and respected and a lot of that is through conversation and help at home. You are not his cleaner but his wife....

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