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Struggling to be better

(2 Posts)
RainbowBloodyDash Sun 08-Jan-17 20:28:45

Sick and tired of being so miserable. Been a single parent(26yo) for almost 3 1/2 yrs (kid's 4) and been on benefits the whole time as I have no support for childcare so fear I'd lose a job very quickly if I got one. And nobody wants to hire me when my first/last job was 8yrs ago. Been stuck doing the same thing day in day out: Looking after kid/cooking/cleaning. I get out less and less as I literally have not had a friend in a couple years (introvert/loner) so find myself talking to thin air on an hourly basis just for some conversation. I feel I'm depressed but that's been ongoing for 15yrs now, maybe anxiety (both due to how i was raised to feel worthless all the time). Tried self-medicating with weed but then feel so guilty spending benefits on drugs so keep quitting then going back as it helps me sleep. Going to see counselor soon but doubt it'll help with everything else, especially the loneliness I feel. I've noticed my mood changing lately. I snap at my kid over the stupidist sh*t, send her to her room for ages just so I can get a break from her constant noise, then toss and turn at night due to the guilt.
I just want to be a happier mum for my kid but don't know where to start.

HappyHedgehog247 Mon 09-Jan-17 21:43:00

I'm sorry you're feeling low. Counselling sounds a good plan. Can you contact your local children's centre for help?

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