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DD nearly 3 asking for daddy

(5 Posts)
Alwaystired122 Tue 03-Jan-17 09:16:46

So here's the background:
Had to go into a woman's refuge when was 20 weeks pregnant due to abusive ex (and dd's father). Moved to new area, changed my name, broke off contact with old life in order to keep us both safe so I have raised dd as a single mum since day 1. We live in an area where there are loads of young families. Dd has started asking more and more about her daddy. I have always just said that she does have a daddy but that he's at work. Today dd asked for daddy again. This time she said she had never seen him before and that she misses him. I'm heart broken for her and have no idea what to do. Contacting her father to organise contact just isn't an option for us. How do I manage this?

MissRosie21 Tue 03-Jan-17 17:18:55

They get to a certain age and they see other children with their daddys that they wonder where their daddy is, i remember my son asking when he was 3. (Never wanted anything to do with my son and asked me to have an abortion at 20+ weeks) i just said he isnt very nice. He is now nearly 8 and he has asked again recently. Ive explained a bit more saying that if he wanted to come see him, he would. But im afraid i cannot make him. He has accepted that both times.

Alwaystired122 Tue 03-Jan-17 20:26:28

missrosie So when you said that he wasn't a nice man, your son never asked about his dad again? I was worried about saying anything negative about dd's father because I thought it might effect her badly?

MissRosie21 Wed 04-Jan-17 07:51:53

Yeah i told him he wasnt a nice man and we only like nice people. I thought since we teach our children to be nice and play nice. They dont like nasty children at school as much as we dont want them in there lifes

chipsandchilli Wed 04-Jan-17 09:34:11

I've done the opposite, 3DC, he has phone contact with the older 2 and see them at his DMs sometimes, he used to go missing for months at a time when the were babies, a lot of fighting so i more or less brung them up on my own. They never ask to see him but they know where he is if they want him. DC3 i chucked him out then found out i was pg, i then had antenatal and PN depression and couldn't cope with 3 kids, twice booked a termination of DC3 then was full of guilt when i had her. When i had her he would take her out, made a huge effort to help, completely different to the first 2 but she never saw any of the fighting as we didn't live together, the eldest 2 did . They are extremely close, she see's him every weekend. He's still an arsehole, grates on me when she thinks he's superdad when he's not, far from it, doesn't have a job and doesn't financially help other than on a weekend while i work and struggle supporting 3 kids and a crap job. She will figure it out when she's older i suppose but its hard not to bite when she thinks he's great but i think it would do more harm to slate him and stop contact as i have done it before and she was upset. 1 and 2 close in age and a gap with 3 and just kind of roll their eyes.

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