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8 years later he changes his mind.

(10 Posts)
Raineau Mon 02-Jan-17 17:33:11

I am really worried and am hoping for some advice about this situation.
I'm a single mother and have been for over eight years from being left when I was two months pregnant.

I was seeing a guy for a few years and he wanted to have a child and asked me to come off my pill, I could afford a baby and so could he and I fell pregnant. I told him I was pregnant a few days before Christmas and he told me that he has now realised that his too old to change nappies and ended the relationship. He then put the house up for sale, took all of our things which included my money and moved 50 miles away with a new women 20 years younger then him.

My pregnancy was awful and I was very ill. I kept contact with him by sending texts, email, scan appointments but he didn't turn up and the only reply I received had been abusing me and wishing me and the baby dead.

Once baby came he stopped replying and I kept my phone number for one year and with no phone calls changed it and moved.

He lied to the CSA and told them he didn't know who I was and after confirming he lied and he did know me and about the baby he put all his money in an aunts account and they can't touch it and he has never paid child maintenance in eight years.

I get his older son contacting me as well as him saying I have no rights to keep the child away from him and his seeking parental responsibility through the courts.

This man had sex with a 14 year old girl and there wasn't enough evidence and the girl wouldn't confirm the relationship this relationship lasted six years. This was the " women " he left me for.

He got so drunk once he fourced himself on top if me and raped me, it was so embarrassing and I never told anyone this but I said no because I needed to pee but he carried on, I was shouting no get off and trying very hard but with his weight and pressure of the struggle (I was pregnant too) I wet myself. I was so embarrassed I become extremely ill after and felt such shame I have never had sex or been with a man since this time.

He can't be trusted and everything he tells people are all lies. He can't just decide after eight years he wants to take the child. I feel like I'm still living this nightmare and I feel so hopeless.

Can he do this?
How can I stop him seeing my child?

If you adopt your child you can't turn up eight years later and decide you want them now, I need to protect my child from this monster.

KingJoffreysRestingCuntface Mon 02-Jan-17 17:38:10

My ex did this after 9 years. Fucking ridiciculous.

Ignore him. If he wants to contact you he can go through the courts. My ex got bored very quickly and moved on from the idea.

Does he have your address?

You could also go to e relationship board and discuss reporting the historical rape. Or just talk about it. Get it out.

Raineau Mon 02-Jan-17 17:41:48

I can't report the rape. I can't say I wet myself, no way. They will say why did you stay, why didn't you leave and also I only stayed with him and kept contact until I found out about the young girl, then I cut all ties and moved.

He doesn't no my address but he does no my family's homes. Can the courts make me allow him to see my child?

MissRosie21 Mon 02-Jan-17 17:44:11

Hello, He isn't on the birth certificate, he doesn't have any parental rights over the child. you do not have to tell him anything to do with your child. Gave up his rights when he left an didn't reply to you

megletthesecond Mon 02-Jan-17 17:52:05

I spoke to a solicitor about this in case it happened. XP wasn't as nasty as yours though. I was advised that even after five years of no contact he would have to go via the courts and a contact centre.

you could speak to women's aid maybe, find out where the land lies.

Lunar1 Mon 02-Jan-17 18:40:52

I'd just ignore all attempts at him re contact. Keep all the evidence, do you still have proof he denied paternity to the csa? If he's looking for contact now then he can sort out the backdated payments.

Marmalade85 Mon 02-Jan-17 18:45:56

Going through the courts is a long and expensive process. He will get bored. Is he on the birth certificate and what do mean about the adoption you mentioned?

Soubriquet Mon 02-Jan-17 18:48:15

What they say

If he really wants it, he can waste his time and money and go through the court

This is just another way of getting you dancing to the beat of his drum, and he's furious you've refused

Raineau Mon 02-Jan-17 19:36:53

I meant when I said "adopted" that he gave up his rights when he told me he didn't want the baby, when he didn't turn up when my baby was in intensive care. He has done nothing and paid nothing. Despite his abusive behaviour he walked away and you can't just turn up eight years later and start demanding I allow him to see my child.

Answering the question- he is not on the birth certificate as he didn't turn up (thank god).

If he has to pay to go to court I'm guessing he won't but if he could get legal aid or do any of it himself then he probably will give it ago.

I plan to ignore any contact through emails and if my family receive any contact they are planning on reporting him to the police to stop him contacting them. He was arrested once before while I was pregnant regarding abuse against me, the police gave him a letter which said if he makes contact with me then they will arrest him for harassment.

Marmalade85 Mon 02-Jan-17 19:49:42

He has a long way to go since he isn't even on the birth certificate and had no relationship so far. Just ignore him and maybe call Women's Aid for some free legal advice just in case.

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