Last night's disappointing date(4 Posts)
From time to time I think I'd really like to have a loving relationship with a man again. I've been on quite a few first dates, less second ones (usually my choice) and recently saw someone about 5 times over the course of 3months but I ended it as I didn't feel he was right for me.
So last night I had a date with someone who seemed perfect for me. We shared a real passion for an interest that's a core part of my life, he was presentable, intelligent and solvent (I believe I am also those things).
But I have a young DD. This does not fit with how he sees his life. Most people my age would have DC who were independent and he probably assumed that would be the case.
This has depressed me enormously. Not because I think he was 'the one' or was overinvested but simply because I wonder if anyone who wants the same kind of life I do would not want someone also with a young child.
My DD and I have developed a pretty good life together and I'm grateful for that and not unhappy but I do miss affection and intimacy and the idea of never having that again makes me sad.
I remarried with two very young DC. Mine were 1 and 3 when XH left. The 3yo, now a strapping 13 yo, is Autistic so rather challenging behaviour and management.
Don't give up. Be grateful that you've been able to process that wasn't the one without too much time investment.
I used online dating, and mumsnet dating chat page - very friendly and funny and a real spirit of we're all going through the same stuff, during the whole dating process. I read some very good articles that I found via the US match site about treating dating as a business deal. They helped my mind set about what I was after.
The lady who wrote the article suggested having three potentials lined up at any one time. Two and you risk mentally playing them off against each other, one and its all eggs in one basket.
Be honest, chat for a short while, meet for a brief get together, decide is this honestly worth more investment?
Enjoy the meeting process. People are interesting. It's fine to have enjoyed someones company, shared a coffee and to say actually there's not really relationship potential there.
Be honest. If you're looking for a friendship that will lead to a longer term relationship that's fine. If it puts people off, that's fine too - if they're after a few passionate dates but no commitment and you're looking for a bit more, then better filter the one-night standers and commitment-phobes out early.
I tried OLD this year - and each date a disaster to the point that when the subscription runs out I'm giving it a break. All I feel I've done is paid money to feel ugly and unlovable! I love rurally and didn't have my dd until I was 34......the idea of someone nearing 50 with a 14 yr Old also appears to be an issue with the few that live in my zone (they are all granddads or have had no kids, or the few with similar aged children only see them at weekends so are free to please themselves most if the time ).
I don't want to 'get through ' Christmas next year, I want to have someone to help make it special. Can't see it happening though.
Sympathies with you!
Foslady yes this is part of the issue. I was 41 when I had DD so am out of sync with my generation. Also share your problem that I am not free to just go out whenever I like. I do know that this is not binary - relationship good, singledom bad and that the grass is often greener on the other side but I miss having a significant other and having someone who is just mine.
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