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Please tell me I've done the right thing?

(22 Posts)
peachy2410 Tue 27-Dec-16 20:11:38

I've left the father of my daughter. He threw a bucket of water over us (mainly me) in bed on Xmas day as he was drunk. He's so manipulative he's nearly got me to forgive him. He wanted me and DD to stay in the house with him with him on the sofa. At first I thought ok (like I said he manipulates conversations to make things better in his favour) but I changed my mind and have gone to my mums about an hour ago. I just desperately need some support that I'm doing the right thing cos I feel bad him in the house on his own and for taking our DD. Please mummies in my phone...

thatscottishconfection Tue 27-Dec-16 20:13:32

You've done the right thing. 100%
flowers

cx5221 Tue 27-Dec-16 20:15:24

Well done you should be proud of yourself for doing this OP. Definitely done the right thing you and your dd deserve better

Whenisitbedtime Tue 27-Dec-16 20:15:40

You've absolutely done the right thing. Don't go back.

BubbleFairy Tue 27-Dec-16 20:17:06

Absolutely the right thing. You and your daughter deserve to be safe and dry, and not bullied. Well done.

petalsandstars Tue 27-Dec-16 20:22:32

Are you married? Who's name is the house in? You've done the right thing getting away - hopefully the wise vipers here will help you through the next steps.

peachy2410 Tue 27-Dec-16 20:39:46

I'll be honest I'm struggling and wavering, the whole idea is awful! Can't stop crying. I don't want DD to see things like that so I've gone (it's not a one off) but I can't help but feel bad

Foslady Tue 27-Dec-16 23:08:44

You have definitely done the right thing - no one deserves to be treated like this and your dd doesn't want to grow up believing that this is acceptable

HappyHedgehog247 Wed 28-Dec-16 10:04:14

You've done the right thing. How are you feeling this morning? I'm a year on and life is unrecognisably good. You don't want your DD growing up with that. X

HappyHedgehog247 Wed 28-Dec-16 10:04:37

And you don't deserve it either. Hope your mum is being supportive.

peachy2410 Wed 28-Dec-16 12:27:36

Feel like shit TBH. I don't want the whole situation. I've been unhappy for a while and this was a trigger but everything is so awkward. I miss DDs dad, Sounds ridiculous but I just want him to give me a hug and tell me everything will be ok sad I'm an idiot I know

peachy2410 Wed 28-Dec-16 12:28:30

Hedgehog do you mind me asking how you felt? Did it go away? How did you cope with contact/access?

myoriginal3 Wed 28-Dec-16 12:31:06

Why in the name of all that's holy did he do that? How old is your daughter?

PenguinsandPebbles Wed 28-Dec-16 12:36:20

I just want him to give me a hug and tell me everything will be ok sad I'm an idiot I know

Your not an idiot, controlling nasty people of course have a "good" side it's what they use to manipulate you.

But if he did give you a hug and say it will all be ok, it won't be because he means it, it won't be because he loves you it will be because he wants you back right where he wants you - under his control, so that your around for him to use and abuse and until the next time he decides to throw water over you or worse.

TheTantrumCometh Wed 28-Dec-16 12:38:39

You're not an idiot. You've been conditioned to accept certain things and deal with things a certain way

SVJAA Wed 28-Dec-16 12:38:53

I read your last thread and came away thinking, God I hope she leaves him, she deserves better. So yes, you have done the right thing. I know it hurts and I know it's hard, but honestly it's better than staying and being abused and also showing your daughter that it's ok to be abused.
You can do this, please don't go back.

kittybiscuits Wed 28-Dec-16 12:41:27

You definitely did the right thing. What horrible behaviour. Give yourself some time to get used to things and don't take any drastic action about going back. It's normal to want things to go back to what's familiar. You should not put up with that treatment and well done for setting a great example to your DD x

Pollyanna9 Wed 28-Dec-16 12:43:13

Yes you have definitely done the right thing.

I know it sounds crap but if you can only manage to break away from this cretin by focusing on what the effect will be on your DD going forwards, then cling to this.

She does NOT need to see that kind of thing and live in the kind of tension which she will invariably pick up.

Stay away - if he tries to get you to come back say "No, I feel unsafe with you and it's not a safe environment for DD" - then put the phone down.

Stay where you are, get someone to get supplies that you might need and have a proper think about things.

What he did was horrible and sure, he's not walloped you but it doesn't matter. It was horrible. He was that out of control drunk that he couldn't determine that this was an awful thing to do to someone he's supposed to love and care about.

Please stay strong and stay away from him and his BS lies about 'changing' that he will undoubtedly trot out.

You can do it.

HappyHedgehog247 Wed 28-Dec-16 18:01:55

Peachy, it was hard and sad at first but that's because it takes time to build a new life. Women's aid are great. I spoke to them and then I got some counselling and really helped to talk it all through. I found dealing with him face to face or on the phone too difficult so we sorted access initially through email (which also means you have a record) and then went to court a bit later when there were things we couldn't resolve. I would wait for him to ask and I would only give what you feel is safe for your DD right now (I don't know your history so don't know if any unsupervised contact is safe). Each day gets easier but there are bumps early on. Xx

peachy2410 Sun 01-Jan-17 19:02:35

Thank you all. I'm sticking with it. He moves out on Friday and I'm moving back in, he's still trying to manipulate the situation I'm sure. I'm concerned about facilitating access. I want to avoid court. God why does like have to be so hard sad

NoToast Tue 03-Jan-17 21:35:18

It is hard at first, I totally relate to the 'wanting to go back to make it all better' but you are doing the right thing and you and DD will be fine.

It takes time to get used to bring alone but it gets easier and you build up so much strength in yourself and experience and skills as you go along. Honestly.

peachy2410 Wed 04-Jan-17 09:07:57

Thanks notoast, I actually really needed to hear that today xx

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