Poll - child maintenance - how much do you get?

[Sumwoman]

I have had a disagreement with my ex about how much he should pay since we split 10 year ago. He currently pays £250pm. I have two teenage boys aged 14 and 16 who are both still in education. They live with me most of the time and visit him on alternate weekends. I cover all the costs of clothes, hobbies, school trips etc. He pays child maintenance and covers the cost of food/clothes for when they are at his every other weekend. He has a good job and is probably earning £40k plus but he now has a new wife and has had two more children.

I am interested in how much child maintenance is considered reasonable? How much do people think it costs monthly to bring up two children? All I want is for him to share this cost equally.

I appreciate people taking the time to respond.

[Fourormore]

Have you used the child maintenance calculator? My DH is in a similar circumstance to your ex and pays over double, even when you account for the fact that we have three children living here.

[Sumwoman]

It's quite tricky as his income is partly a grant as he works at a university and the last time we used the CSA they calculated this £250 figure. He has had two children since so know that unless his actual taxed income has gone up if I go down that route it could go down!

[Bythebeach]

I get £250 for one eleven year old via CMS. This has been pretty much the same amount throughout - except right at the start for eight months where he covered the cost of nursery but nothing else - but nursery was expensive. He has never paid for any clothes/school trips/clubs/uniform in addition. I think he once paid for one birthday party. He lives far away and until this year when DS finally made his dislike of visiting his dad really clear, DS spent holiday and half term visits totalling about 7 weeks per year with his father. This year it'll be more like 4.5 weeks in the whole year. I think his salary has gone up in 10 years but he has had 2 further kids so net effect on CMS calculator is to keep maintenance pretty level across the last decade!

[AndNoneForGretchenWieners]

We used to get £62 per week for my younger DSS - DH received £100 a week for both when they were both under 18. He had sole custody. Younger one is now 30 so this was a while ago.

[puglife1]

My cock of an exh refused to reply to the child Maintenance people so they calculated what someone in his trade earned. I have 2 dc aged 10 and 14 and get £189 a month for them both. The younger child stays once a week the older one isn't so keen. They are both meant to go there on a Saturday but older one goes out most weekends. Younger child comes back with no tea. Pisses me right off. He's a dickhead.

[charlybear7]

Out of interest how much does it go down when they go on to have another child? I get £470 a month for 2 children. Ex refuses to pay for any childcare which is a bug bare of mine as the cms he pays me goes straight on childcare so I can go to work!! Just found out he's in arrears, cms calculated it wrong and have only figured this out a year later! The organisation is a shambles in my view! But I have to use it as my ex is a lier and he's told me he'll only give me the bare minimum and nothing else!

[hoolabaybee]

Wow Charlybear I get £100 a month per child ( 3 kids, 2 dads) n they think they paying me earth

Didn't go to CMS as 1 threatened to quit his job n other does pay for other things besides

[dietstartsmonday]

I currently get 270 a month for 2 kid's private arrangement. I W's getting 360 for three but as my 16yo has an apprenticeship he doesn't have to py for him anymore. Would have thought he would like to support him still bit apparently not.
I have just applied to get his assessed through CMS as I know he earns alot and his payment should prob be more like 400 for two.
He has gone mad about it but tbh I don't care. Should have done it years ago

I just find it dad these men don't want to support as fully as they could.

He will never pay any extras

[dietstartsmonday]

*sad not dad

[AliceInUnderpants]

My ex pays 35 a week for our two children (11 and 8). He also gives 50 in the summer (after many reminders) towards school uniform, and made a one off extra 'donation' of 50 for eldest's recent residential trip.
He has them once a week, if he doesn't agree to work instead, and around 5 days twice a year during holidays.

[LBOCS2]

DH contributes £500pcm to his ex's household for DSS. We have him the maximum possible given the situation (his DM moved him 200 miles away) - every second weekend and most of the holidays. We also buy clothes/uniform/shoes as necessary and will provide parties and funds for any extra curricular activities or school trips. The amount wasn't adjusted when we had DD1 or DD2.

[duckwalk]

£450 pcm for my 12yo dd. She stays with ex zero nights, and he has another child.

[duckwalk]

Just to add...this has been a fight getting this. Initially applied for csa 4 years ago and was awarded £400. Dr stayed with ex 2 nights each week and his ds wasn't born yet.
Ex blackmailed and threatened me until I dropped csa claim. He gave us £100 pcm for a couple of years then gave us zero as his new wife had went back to uni and their ds was born so they were skint. (In the year he paid nothing he somehow managed to fund a trip abroad to get a hair transplant )
Recently I thought enough is enough, not getting away with this any more so applied again. He's raging.

[WhyHasAllTheRumGone]

Today for the first time in years the cms have texted me to say I will receive £6.20 this week! Not even enough to cover a 14 y/o phone bill!

[SVJAA]

Nothing, I tried the CSA (Before CMS) and he found every fucking loophole there was, so I gave up. My DS doesn't go without and DP provides for him, has done since we moved in together. XH is a dick.

[Pidlan]

2DC, they gi to him 1 or 2 nights a week. I get £200pcm. I've just checked on the calculator thing and it should be £114 more per month. But he is very good with paying for school trips, clothes, etc etc so I don't think I'll do anything about it at the moment. We are very amicable and I think that's worth a lot.

[Sumwoman]

Thanks for all the replies. This is really useful evidence as ex often makes me feel very money grabbing when I complain but I genuinely feel like they cost me a lot more than double what he pays!

[Sumwoman]

Not sure how much Charlybear but it does reduce it as ex likes to gloat about how good he has been not doing that!

[StarsandSparkles]

Ds's dad absolute wankstain didnt comply with the cms and totally ignored them so they set maintenance at 38.99 a week as a default amount to be taken via an ongoing deduction order. He had built up nearly 2k of arrears from when i applied when ds was born in june 2015 to march this year when i finally got the first payment through. Its been 64 a week though to cover ongoing maintenance + paying the arrears. They are nearly done so will go to the 38.99 a week thereafter.

[giggly]

Just recently separated and still amicable. I asked for 450 for 2 dd which so far he has agreed to. I broke down the costs of clubs , school stuff etc and presented him with a cost of the kids.
If he stops or reduces then I'll need to.sell my house to.reduce mortgage 😢

[Underthemoonlight]

I get 140 pcm for DS he's due to have another child so will go down to about 120 a month pittance really

[InfiniteSheldon]

I got £1000 a month but he was a millionaire with a very high income so quite honestly I felt robbed. I don't think it matters what other people get it's about a fair percentage of their income.

[Graphista]

Have you a rough idea what the grant element is what his basic salary will be? You could maybe check with the Uni he works at?

Checking that might give you a starting point for using online calculator.

The 2 new children will get him a discount but I rather suspect that he'll be earning way more than 10 years ago so that

Increase in salary
Less deductions for new children will equal net gain for you.

Worth investigating properly. But be prepared for him to be awkward/avoidant about paying at all.

Taken me 14 years to get to a point where my ex is paying sort of regularly.

Good luck

[Fairybust]

We pay £700 a month
We have him 2 nights a,week half of holidays buy all clothes and uniform for when he's here.

£700 is a lot to be going out of the household budget on just one child when there are 2 others to look after.

[IcecreamRocks]

£5 a fortnight. Well I did until it changed to CMS, now nothing. I'm Not paying out £20 for a pittance. I have the love and respect from my DS16, something he'll never have.