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Contact - advice

(12 Posts)
Postbox80 Fri 25-Nov-16 21:55:52

I've offered ex half holidays (shared collection/drop off) and one weekend a month contact (me to collect and drop)
Distance is 200miles there and back.

He won't agree to it and wants mediation week after next. My daughters birthday is due soon and of course xmas.

Also he keeps saying he can't afford maintenance. I told him not to worry and we set it up once hes back to work.
Yet he said he wants to pay 40 a month even states he'll get his wife and mum to pay for it if its set in stone. Strange as when he was working I'd get 107 a month. And whats even more odder is even though i said not to worry about the payments right now. He said I'm bullying him.

Can i just send the dates to his solicitor and state thats what they will be til shes old enough to decide herself.
As he said we can do it the easy way or the hard way. Which i think he means court.
But I've not done anything apart from offer contact, tell him not to worry about maintenance right now... But refuse mediation. Don't see how that counts as bullying him.

AliceInUnderpants Fri 25-Nov-16 22:19:49

Maintenance isn't optional, so go via the CMS if he's unwilling to pay.

What is he disagreeing with WRT to the contact schedule?

Postbox80 Fri 25-Nov-16 22:34:28

He won't say. He just said he's partially agreed to contact.
But I've given him half of school holidays and the once a month, and even doing most of the travelling. Surely he'd be wrong to disagree to it at all.

AliceInUnderpants Sat 26-Nov-16 08:13:36

I'm guessing he wants them more? Once a month is far from the 50/50 he could push for. Can I ask why you wouldn't offer him that?

PotteringAlong Sat 26-Nov-16 08:17:03

Why have you refused mediation?

Postbox80 Sat 26-Nov-16 08:27:55

Refused the mediation as its £175 it always ends up going into 3 sessions to sort out. Which would mean £500 gone, and still nothing would be sorted as it never is.

I thought half of the school holidays and one weekend a month would be suitable due to the distance aswell?

I think he's wanting the mediation to try and get me to agree to the 40 a month then he can get that in court and not have to go through cms.

AliceInUnderpants Sat 26-Nov-16 08:47:33

I doubt a court will give a maintenance figure that is below the bare legal minimum. Like I say, go to CMS for the money if he's not forthcoming.

Mediation is to sort out the contact arrangements. What is he looking for? Out of curiosity, who moved and put the distance between him and the children?

Postbox80 Sat 26-Nov-16 09:51:20

I moved to be closer to my dad this was 5 years ago.

AliceInUnderpants Sat 26-Nov-16 10:35:30

So what have the contact and maintenance arrangements been before now?

Postbox80 Sat 26-Nov-16 10:47:15

He only just officially started paying maintenance a few months ago via csa. As he was always on and off with payments. Could go a year without at times.

And contact previous was part of holidays.

charlybear7 Sat 26-Nov-16 12:43:00

Can you get financial help with mediation? I didn't pay for mine and was relieved as it didn't work for us (so would have been a waste).

What you are offering him seems ok to me. Maybe he wants another weekend and if so he should travel so then you're both doing one each?

Try and avoid court. The court order will be against you making your child available. If he can't make it then it counts for nothing. Ridiculous in my eyes.

Best of luck x

Fourormore Sat 26-Nov-16 12:50:48

Does he want every other weekend? Given the distance, he'd probably struggle to get much more than that.

Separate out the CMS issue. Courts don't get involved in that anymore unless income is very high.

You don't get to just send a letter and that be the end of it, no. You don't have to agree to mediation but if he takes it to court, they will probably want to know why you wouldn't agree. Also unless you represent yourself, it will be much more expensive that £500 and you may not get what you want out of it.

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