Judgemental people

[chocsandtwirls]

Do anyone else find they get judged by society for being a single parent??

I'm currently trying to find a place to rent as me and emotionally abusive ex are no longer together and I can't afford the current house on my own. Most adverts say no housing benefit! I get so downhearted. I didn't chose to claim benefits but I have no other option. Currently on maternity leave and I spoke to a lady on the phone she was lovely until I mentioned I'm on maternity leave by myself. Her tone instantly changed. I felt really judged, it was awful!
Has anyone else found they have been judged for being a parent or claiming a benefit?

[Starlight2345]

The no DSS is often a clause in the landlords insurance or mortgage...

People judge all the time.. Ignore ... I think no matter what you do someone will disagree..

I went on a course once and elderly lady was on the course..I mentioned divorced..Her response was in our day people didn't get divorced and how much better it was...In my head I said think goodness I could leave so my DS didn't grow up in an abusive household but said nothing..She wasn't going to change her opinion

[chocsandtwirls]

Oh is there, didn't know that. Making finding a place for me and my son so tough :(

Really?! I would have been so annoyed. I feel like there's a stigma when your alone but like you said thank god we can leave. Some of us have no other choice but to leave. Why would you "work" at a relationship that is so toxic. I feel a lot of people don't get abusive relationships as so many don't talk out (including me). Just wish people wouldn't judge as you never know someone's story

[PollyPelargonium52]

Yes prejudice is rife but alas we have to get on with it. I wish you luck finding somewhere suitable.

[DirectMe]

During the summer, a woman told me my girls would be ok with me being a lone parent but my son would suffer as a result of it. When questioned further she told me I couldn't possibly be a good mum to him as, and I quote "you haven't got a willy!".

Thinking I had misunderstood, I asked her to explain her comment. She carried on and repeated the same thing. I told her that as far as I knew, no other mum has a willy so I'd take my chances that I could do what is needed as a mum. She then carried on to say that I wouldnt be able to tell him what an erection feels like, or be able to teach him to masturbate. I left at that point, completely baffled by what I was hearing. What makes it even sadder is that she was a lone parent to a boy for years, and is now remarried. I judged her after those comments.

So yeah the judgement is everywhere, even by those who were once in our shoes.

[chocsandtwirls]

Thanks polly

Direct they are such strange comments to make especially like you said she was a lone parent herself. I would have been baffled too!

[Starlight2345]

Gosh direct...

I haven't taught my DS to masterbate, I do not know what an erection feels like... However if I had a DD I wouldn't be teaching her either.

I think though bear in mind OP there are many many people who judge you ..I find you get more judgements once you become a parent, Do you breast or bottle feed, do you co sleep, how have you weaned. This doesn't just apply to LP... I have to say mostly in my RL most people say I just don't know how you do it...Reality I had no choice. I couldn't live as I was for me or my DS and I have a child who needs looking after.

[PollyPelargonium52]

These comments are totally ridiculous and bang out of order. During puberty boys learn to pleasure themselves without any direction or guidance.

I am very good at the streetwise talk and can answer many questions my ds has who is now nearly 12. I feel I have a great deal to offer him as I am very streetwise and life experienced as a mature parent.

We talk about substances relationships money and current affairs, politics etc. travel and religion. No subject is taboo. Naturally I do limit the amount of chat ref. sex as it should be age appropriate.

I also hate it when parents rudely say things like 'I couldn't be in your shoes' etc. It is uncalled for. How do they not know that we are totally fine with it? From now on I am going to retort with 'I couldn't cope with a linear controlling husband who doesn't understand women and feelings etc.' and watch their reaction.

[NellWilsonsWhiteHair]

Sympathies on the house-hunting OP - I remember how stressful and miserable it was trying to find a landlord who would take me and DS when I was a LP on mat leave (and my circumstances were quite different to yours).

Hope you find the right place soon.

[whatminniedidnext]

I'm in a similar situation, having just left abusive ex... but I'm staying in the house (which we jointly own).

Do you own your house / rent it / is it in his name? You may be able to apply for an Occupation Order to stay in your current property because you have your DS to look after.

As for the judgemental people... it's early days for me but I think we will just have to develop a thick skin

[BigFatBollocks]

There r so many twats on this planet it's unbelievable!! I've been a lone parent for nearly 9yrs. Peoples views on us are just a joke. When it comes up in conversation that I work, I can't get over the shock people express that I actually work!! They ask if I'm seeing anyone and once again r in shock when I say that I'm not interested as my children r too young and vulnerable (in my opinion, not judging others that do date etc) for me to consider having a boyfriend and bringing him into their lives. It seems, to put it coarsely that single parents are viewed as scrounging slags. That's nice. Not!
But also I do meet some who are like 'wow, hat off to you. I don't know how you do it'!
I guess there's some that judge and some that don't. But to the smug fuckers I think 'yeh, and it can happen to anyone'!!!

[chocsandtwirls]

Big your definitely right, it can happen to anyone! I never imagined me being a single parent claiming benefits but sometimes you are forced into a situation.