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I feel like a shit mum

(13 Posts)
Tiredbutnotyetretired Mon 21-Nov-16 19:01:08

Just that. I feel like i am not doing well enough.
Im running on auto pilot and not getting much enjoyment out of my life atm, im exhausted.
I feel like this is having a negative affect on my dc age 6, its like the lights are on but nobody is home.
Im rushing about in the morning so that we are not late for school/ work, dc will chat away in the car or you know there will be one complaint or another (doesnt really like school). My head is in another place as ive recently came out of an ea relationship/ was used and had the piss taken out of me by a narcissist (no im not using that term lightly) and im really trying to hide the effects this has had on my emotional wellbeing/mental stability.
The man in question was never introduced to my dc.
I drag myself around this house trying to make sure it is kept clean and tidy, my dc uniforms ironed for the week ahead and laid out every night. Dc is well fed but is very picky so a lot of the time will waste food and then ask for more later at night by that time im really wiped out. I try my best to keep my dc entertained (arty craft things/ cake baking / play areas after school) but as the cold nights have set in im running out of ideas and alot of the time my child is just sitting watching tv or playing on tablet or with toys. I feel bad about this, i think i should be doing more? I try to engage dc in homework but sometimes thats a battle that i dont have the strength to win. Dc is co-sleeping with me every night which is also tiring because of the constant talking (sometimes this goes on until 10.30pm, we go to bed 8ish). I just feel i dont get much me time although that is a lie because i have sat here all day not doing much whilst dc has been at school. I just dont know where im heading with all this? I feel i need to be doing more for my child and engage more, i try so hard but my head is in another place and im trying my best to make sure the very basics are covered -fed-cleaned-clothed-homework. But i wish i could be there more emotionally. I have come a long way getting this toxic man out of my life for good and staying strong, i want to know how other people have coped with this. Is there any supplements i could take that would give me more energy? I must add i have been on my period for 3 months every single day and i think this is also having an impact on my emotions and lack of energy? Any advice will be greatly appreciated. I want the old me back, i want my child to be happy.

Sunflowersmiling Mon 21-Nov-16 22:27:17

Oh it's so right there with you. ..although the uniform isn't ironed and the pots are not washed yet.... Ive worn my self down so much I'm now quite poorly with it. Adding another layer of single mummy guilt on top. It sounds like your doing an amazing job already. Maybe a night off would help...can you get childcare? Is there anyone locally who would pop over 1 night for a glass of wine/coffee? I would think about gp for advice re period, you must be exhausted. Maybe think about some talking therapies to help you through this difficult time. You are doing an amazing job, but need to look after yourself in all that to. Xx

user1479732438 Mon 21-Nov-16 22:28:44

Hello, I'm really sorry that you are feeling this way, sending you a big hug. The main thing is that you've recognised that the man in question isn't right for you and you've removed him from your life, that itself speaks how strong a person you are so be proud of yourself for that. Does your child complain about that you don't do enough? If he isn't complaining that he is bored or unhappy at home etc then chances are he's quite content? Kids don't really require too much activity on a regular basis, a nice walk to the local park after school, even a run to the supermarket with wear them out! Try to set yourself a little routine where on certain days you can go out to the play area, out for dinner after school, I know myself that when it's getting dark early there's not much to do. I don't think you are wrong at all for wanting to be home cosied up for the night, kids are quite happy with their favourite programmes on and playing with toys. Is the sleeping issue ongoing or just a recent thing, my kids go through stages of slipping out of their routine and have late nights and it is really difficult to get back it but if you are a little firm and let him know it's time to wind down etc. Sounds like you're beating yourself up for no reason, sounds to me like you're doing ok. Take the time while your indoors to rest and the two of you can watch a movie and chill out, quality time! I feel the same, I find it difficult sometimes to keep up with the chores around the house. There are a few things I keep putting off like ironing lol I've got a big pile of clean washing that needs putting away I've set that task for myself tomorrow! I have 2 boys aged 3 and 18months, it's difficult being a mum and I bet it's even more difficult being alone. Do you have family around you? Xx

IamHappy1976 Mon 21-Nov-16 22:36:36

Definitely see your gp regarding your extra long period. That is worrying and draining. You sound like a lovely mum:-)
It's a tough time of year. We normally go to the park after school but the weather has been so shocking we're home , had tea, bath and then I'm thinking - what am I going to do for the next HOUR?
I am sure your child is happy! Cut yourself some slack! Nothing wrong in having a midweek dvd night and a chilled, early night for you both! No real answers, but I'm sure you're doing a great job - even if you feel like you're pretending!

user1479732438 Mon 21-Nov-16 22:38:16

I take daily multi vitamins and omega 3, I get mine from Aldi or Lidl they are great. I noticed a huge improvement after taking them, also I stopped drinking coffee in the morning and replaced it for normal tea or green tea, I noticed that I didn't wake up feeling so groggy if it makes sense. Drinking plenty of water will help you too for tiredness, you should see the doctor regarding your period, that would sure make me feel low too. I honestly relate to how you have described dragging yourself round the house trying to keep up with house work, I think all mums feel that way. We all need a little time out. I also co sleep with both my boys, soon enough I will get them into their own rooms. Have you tried your son in his own room, that will give you a little time on your own before you sleep to read a book or browse to internet in bed. Take a break when you can and forget about the housework, asking as the really important things are done forget the rest they can wait. Don't be so hard on yourself, we all feel like this from time to time and don't let any man make you feel like shit! X

georgethegorilla Mon 21-Nov-16 22:38:46

Hello Tired
Can I just say that after reading your post I think you sound like a fucking superhero!
All of that & it sounds like you might not have much support, you've found the strength to ditch an utter wank-badger & you're still putting your energy into creating a happy home & life for you & your child.
Stop being so hard on yourself!
I'm a single parent (since DD was a baby) - things that I've discovered that help me to power through (these won't all apply to you but they might!!)
Counselling after relationship with EA ex ended, Fish oils, vit b12, running, lots of water, lots of coffee, remembering to give myself praise and wine a lot.
I think you sound great, OP wink

hambo Mon 21-Nov-16 22:41:21

I read your thread and noticed all you do for your dc.
They are clean, fed, loved and cherished.
I think your child is most probably very very very happy and content, in a clean and calm home with a mum who engages and tried their best.

I think the problem is that you are exhausted and need to focus on yourself. First thing is go to the doctors about your period. It must be making you feel so ill and tired and might be the very reason you are feeling so low.

Second thing is to feed yourself lots of good healthy food.

Third, if you have the time, snooze during school hours. Don't feel guilty - set an alarm, look after yourself.

Fourth, when you are feeling more energised, after a while, when you feel you have the energy, maybe move your dc into their own bed, even if it is in your room. Maybe set them up with an audio book, then light out after a chapter. Start to take back some time in the evening just for you .

Best of luck x

Disappointednomore Mon 21-Nov-16 22:57:03

I think you sound lovely too. Look how you're posting here in your precious me time to ask how you can do better when it sounds like you're doing a great job. I second the advice to try to get your child into their own bed as the constant chattering can be very draining to the extent you may not be able to think straight.

Tiredbutnotyetretired Wed 23-Nov-16 22:57:24

Thanks all for the replies and appologies for my late response!
Funnily enough after i wrote that post it felt like therapy just putting it out there and i sat snuggled on sofa with dc and watched a christmas film, it was lovely to relax.
Its nice to know how others operate and maybe im being too hard on myself.
Ive done talking therapies although it did help i have done a lot of the recovery myself with self help books and meditation (which im fitting in sometimes when dc is at school). I do have family around but i try not to put on them to much and tbh i really miss dc wen we are apart so i suppose i struggle on on my own far more than i really need to. Its just the one thing i always wanted to get right in my life-motherhood but thinking about that life never really goes to plan does it.
Dc is over at thier dads house tonight and ive done some washing and ordered a takeaway with not one shred of guilt. I take my hat off to mothers who single handedly do this with more than one dc and no support, who am i to moan?!
Thanks for putting things into perspective for me flowers

Tiredbutnotyetretired Wed 23-Nov-16 23:04:46

Plus i think my diet does have a lot to do with it i am fuelled by coffee which i know does not help with anexiety and blood sugars. Thanks for the advice re the vitamins ill see if i can pick those up tomorrow. Dc has been in my bed scince being small its not something i can tackle at the moment its took so long to come to terms with other aspects of my life and the cuddling at night is like a safety blanket for me (and possibly dc). The chatter does go on for hours but im now being much more strict with regards to just closing eyes switching off and trying to actually get to sleep or i will just say 'get to sleep its my time now and you need to be up for school in the morning' i know that sounds harsh but it seems to be working

BLUEcookieeMONSTERR Thu 24-Nov-16 02:34:46

Hi guys I'm new to this I'm 22 and a single parent looking for advice really on what I should do about my ex he is on the birth certificate so he dose have PR rights. I left him in April of this year because we were arguing so much that we would end up physically fighting when my baby was 2 months old I was hold him in my arms when his father decided to grab my arm and try to break it and then get me in a head lock while I was still holding our son I screamed until his parents came to see what was going on they diddnt actually see any of this anyway the arguing got worse and worse and so did the fighting the night before I left him we were sat in his parents living room we had had an argument and things were tense I got up with out son in my arms to put him to bed and I accidentally stood on my exs foot so he proceeded to trip me up even though I had our baby in my arms luckily I diddnt fall I left because of this fighting and got put into a hostel for domestic abuse victims they told me I could get a non molestation order out on him but I declined because I wanted my son to have a relationship with his dad and ever since its just gone down hill I will admit that I used to say some nasty things to him via text after I left him and now we don't even talk his parents used to mediate and pick up our son so that he could see him but now that is not happening either my ex has not once rang or texted me to see how our son is or to arrange to see him its always been me contacting them and to be honest I dont think it should be like that because I know he goes around saying that he never gets to see his son because I stop him I've not once stopped him from seeing his son up until recently when he threatened to bash my door in and take my son so I could never see him again guess what I'm looking for is some advice on how to handle this and what to do we both had to grow up when we had our son only he never did

BLUEcookieeMONSTERR Thu 24-Nov-16 02:50:44

Ever since I moved into my own place my ex and his family have been quite aggressive towards me bashing at my door and screaming at me in my own street I just don't know what to do I feel like a shit mom (excuse the swearing) because its got to the point now where I have stopped contact because of the aggression shown to me even though my child is in the house my exs sister often makes me feel guilty because I have stopped contact I dont think she means to make me feel that way but I do I honestly have no idea what to do its got to the point now where even if they are mentioned I start to have panic attacks

Danott Thu 24-Nov-16 05:45:23

Aww I totally relate to the security blanket thing, my partner works away for long periods at a time and I've co slept with my babies from the beginning because I'm on my own a lot. I think what you're doing is spot on and if you need any more advice just ask on here, look after yourself as well as your little boy you need to be in tip top shape to be able to care for him. I definitely asdvice cutting down the coffee, I noticed a difference xxx

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