Son due in days should I contact his dad?

(34 Posts)
Allovertheplace94 Sat 12-Nov-16 15:57:45

Really don't know what to do with this situation his dad is an absolute dick. Awful relationship cheated on me stole money still has all my furniture in his house where his new girlfriend lives with him. He begged me to have an abortion for weeks last time I seen him in May he said he wants a DNA test. Hes blocked my number and Facebook and email address everything so have no way of contacting him directly. I have my ex's dad on Facebook but I don't really want to be chasing him and his family down to be honest. Would I be an awful mother for not bothering? I've gone this long now going through pregnancy alone and the huge financial strain what is the point. He knows when my due date is surely it's up to him if he wants to make contact or not.

BratFarrarsPony Sat 12-Nov-16 16:01:12

Would I be an awful mother for not bothering?

absolutely not. right now you do not need this shit in your life.

But what about you? do you have someone to support you through the birth and in the first days afterwards?

Shortfatandangry Sat 12-Nov-16 16:06:51

I think you've pretty much answered your own question there! Congratulations btw, and best of luck when the time comes flowers

Damelo Sat 12-Nov-16 16:08:27

Get your father or brother to ring him after the birth. De personalise it.

Allovertheplace94 Sat 12-Nov-16 16:14:49

Yeah luckily I have a good family and good friends. My mum thinks I should contact him but i feel the opposite and he's changed his number Damelo.

ThatStewie Sat 12-Nov-16 16:20:35

Don't bother contacting him. Unless he is incapable of counting, he will know the rough due date. His responsibility to get in touch. I would register him with the CMS though.

SexTrainGlue Sat 12-Nov-16 16:37:59

I think you need to find a way to send a simple message telling him that DC (name) was born on (date). Which should be fairly soon after the birth (get it over with)

Even if he's not willing to be a proper father to his DC, he ought to be paying maintenance. Or can you really afford to do without?

Penfold007 Sat 12-Nov-16 16:39:32

You have no contact details as he has chosen to change number and block other methods. He will soon know when the CMS contact him.

SansasEscape Sat 12-Nov-16 16:46:50

I'd message his Dad on Facebook after the birth and leave it all up to them to make the next move. Register with CMS though.

Starlight2345 Sat 12-Nov-16 16:48:34

Another vote for let him know via Cms... After initial outlay babies get more expensive... You are already under financial strain..

Now you are due you really don't need anymore hassle and once baby is born you will be tired exhausted and very hormonal and at a very vulnerable stage of life.

Allovertheplace94 Sat 12-Nov-16 16:57:53

Thanks I think I may leave a Facebook message with his dad and then contact CMS
Any idea on what I should say to his dad? His dad is a nice guy and has not long moved to Australia so he wouldn't be seeing the baby anyway, I'm not even sure whether he knows the baby is for his son!

Allovertheplace94 Sat 12-Nov-16 16:59:18

I may feel differently when my son is here just want to make sure I go the correct way about it!

Starlight2345 Sat 12-Nov-16 17:01:48

You could tell him you wanted him to know he has a grandson and that you and baby are fine..

But yes wait until after the birth and decide then but don't spend the first few days worrying about it..Do it when you are ready x

Marmalade85 Sat 12-Nov-16 17:22:00

If you know his address you can send him a letter confirming the birth. Does he work OP?

Allovertheplace94 Sat 12-Nov-16 17:27:54

yes I suppose I could do that would probably give him heart attack opening that letter and yes he works.

Marmalade85 Sat 12-Nov-16 17:46:04

If he has a PAYE job then you can claim maintenance but will be much tougher if he is self employed. If he denies he is the father then he has to pay for a DNA test, not you.

SansasEscape Sat 12-Nov-16 17:51:00

I'd send his dad the message:

Hi name.

I just thought I'd let you know that your grandchild, name, was born on date. I have no way of contacting your son, the father, so hopefully you can pass on the message.

I want everything to be as amicable as possible with all of you and I hope that it can be going forward, for baby's sake.

Thanks so much,
My name

VoyageOfDad Sat 12-Nov-16 18:03:24

His dad is a nice guy

If he is I'm sure he'd want to know about a grandson. Send him a picture and a name.

As for the dad. Sounds like he's going to be a nightmare. Go to the CSA.

Allovertheplace94 Sat 12-Nov-16 19:05:58

Thanks Sansa have saved that for the day I will need it! He will be a nightmare I'm not even going to bother asking him for a penny will just go through the CSA route.
Just going to keep it simple then if he wants to see him he will have to make the effort as he has put me through hell and back this year.

BigFatBollocks Sun 13-Nov-16 09:24:31

I wouldn't bother, personally. It's up to him. He's probably not bothered anyway (sorry to be so blunt). His response, or lack of it, will piss you off and play on ur mind. Don't give the looser the satisfaction. Easier said than done tho.
Congratulations and enjoy your baby instead of worrying about that twat.

Damelo Sun 13-Nov-16 09:29:59

He changed his number!?
Wow. He thinks he can re-write history after the fact. That tells you more about the future than the past though. I think CSA route is the least personal way of doing things.

I'd hesitate to send a personal message to the baby's granddad. He will see you are a new mum (and photos of the baby on fb) unless he's blind.

Allovertheplace94 Sun 13-Nov-16 09:49:20

Yup he went and changed his number! When I seen him I asked him why he keeps running away from the situation and he said "il just keep running away from it" He is a compulsive liar though he probably would of told his dad that the baby is not his or might not be his that's the kind of thing he would do. So atleast if I contact his dad myself he will know the truth!

mmmuffins Sun 13-Nov-16 09:49:44

I personally wouldnt send anything to his dad. He lives abroad, and there is a chance him getting onto his son (if he does) could cause his son to make trouble for you.

Damelo Sun 13-Nov-16 09:56:40

Wow. I wouldn't tip off the son by letting his father know.

At some point, the baby's father will have to (kind of) deal with this but up until that point, don't waste your precious energy pushing water uphill

His father will see that you've become a mother. People have a maddening way of deciding for themselves what the truth is. It can take five years for the real truth to 'settle'. Don't rush that process.

My xmil thought I was the devil when I left her son. She demonised me, reprimanded me, insulted me, painted herself and her son as martyrs.

Roll on five years from that point and she was although she'd never acknowledge it 'grateful' to me that I tipped her off on the rare occasions that her son had the dc as otherwise she wouldn't have known because he didn't bother telling her. Also, she'd seen him lose his temper a few times by then. His usual whipping boy (me) was gone so she started to get the brunt of his temper.

So don't bother telling his father. Let them all form whatever conclusions they are determined to form. Do not exhaust yourself trying to prove anything to them.

Sunflowersmiling Sun 13-Nov-16 21:46:09

Right now I would just focus on yourself and your beautiful baby. All this you can think about later. At the end of the day, you are not responsible for the dads behaviour. He's not made an effort...so keep focused on the birth, looking after yourself, and welcoming your son into the world. All the rest will fall in place I'm sure once you have recovered. Hugs x

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