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How long do they feel angry?

(9 Posts)
newandimproved Mon 12-Feb-07 12:07:00

Hi there, I'm new here. Fab site! Going to dive right in and ask your help.

I left my ex-husband a year ago. We are now divorced, and he is now engaged to someone else. You'd think he's moved on.

But now that I have a boyfriend on the scene, the ex has anger all over again. He's threatening to cut money, he's undermining me with the kids. The amicable split has deteriorated to vitriol.

Anybody else out there had a similar experience? How long before he can get past the anger and focus on the kids again? Any advice on how I should handle it?

mistressmiggins Mon 12-Feb-07 12:28:30

Hi there

From the other side, my husband left me after an affair and moved str in with her. They are still together & I have met a really nice bloke BUT it still hurts / makes me annoyed....

I dont think that a year is very long in the scheme of things - certainly not long enough to be totally over the fact his life changed completely.

Also I assume you have custody of the kids, so he probably is jealous of the fact that another man is spending time with his children & may one day be living with them. I bet that feels terrible

newandimproved Mon 12-Feb-07 13:24:41

true enough.

I have custody, but he has half time visitation rights, so he has them one week out of two. So every other week they go to live in his fiance's house with him and her two other children. It took me a long time to get my head round that one, I can tell you...

So I can understand that it is painful, and that it isn't long yet. But seeing how much he has moved on, and sorted his own life out, with huge access to the children, anger over me getting my life together feels a little unfair. No, it's not the anger, it's the fact that he's threatening me with these things to hurt me because he is hurting. I wish he would stop.

AMAZINWOMAN Mon 12-Feb-07 18:54:19

Possibly your ex is being awkward as he still wants to be the Dad. some men feel really frightened that they will not be the daddy in their childrens eyes, that your new partner will be their special Dad.

Hopefully this is why he is being awkward. Sound like you are well rid of him though!!

nikkie Mon 12-Feb-07 20:26:16

My xh was very awkward over my friendship with another man despite him having a gf and us being divorced 5 years!

CorrieDale Mon 12-Feb-07 20:35:20

IME (professional, I would add!) about 2 years on average. Sometimes longer, not often shorter.

QueenofTarts Mon 12-Feb-07 22:34:01

Message deleted

pirategirl Tue 13-Feb-07 14:00:31

I am not sure what their anger reasons are, as Ihave expereinced non stop anger and self self ego mania fromthe man who left our marriage.
I could understand it if I'd left him!!!

All I can offer to say, is that it's a delicate balance, when it comes to splitting up with someone who you shared a life and kiddies with.

Whoever was in the wrong, I think the men just cant handle life like we can, sorry to be sexist, but until it happened to me, I thought mine would always be kind and understanding whatever the circumstances.

I hope in time things will sort themselves out more for you.

newandimproved Tue 27-Feb-07 18:28:08

Thanks you guys. I'm not alone, and that feels better.

Time. It just takes time. And extreme patience.

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