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single parents - does it get easier when they go to school...?

(5 Posts)
golddustsparkler Mon 24-Oct-16 23:57:33

hello all, i am a LP to a four year old, he'll be at school next Sept...

at the moment it seems to be getting that bit easier with time, but am self employed and struggling to fit all my work into his nursery hours plus everything else around it. I don't have any family and very very little support from my ex.

i try so hard to be everything - mum, cook, cleaner, DIY person, provider / breadwinner etc... I know it's always likely to be full on, but am wondering if it gets that bit easier once they are at school?

at the moment we have a couple of full days and a half day at nursery but the week is quite scattered and the hours irregular, so am wondering if the routine of school is a bit easier? we find it difficult to get into a rhythm.

also once they get that bit older is parenting a bit easier e.g. slightly more self sufficient etc. I know that as they get older there will always be new challenges, but surely the baby through pre-school time is the hardest...?

I really suffered with PND and compared to that now is just so much easier but I still have really tough days and suffer with a lot of stress, the worst is knowing that i don't have anyone to fall back on if things go tits up... that in itself is pretty stressful...I have a fairly stressful job, and fitting it in around DS is tough, I suffer with guilt for DS about how much I have to work, then guilt I can't work enough cos I have to do childcare - arg, I drive myself a bit nuts with it.

am just hoping that people can give me some hope that things will change for the better a bit in a year! I know school will have its challenges, just hoping it gets a bit easier....?

graphista Tue 25-Oct-16 00:06:24

Can only speak from my own experience but yes! Especially at this age as they can be a bit restless, need challenging etc honestly the year before my daughter started school was the toughest! Yes I found it easier once a school routine was there. First year she was at school I was at uni (mature student) then after was working full time so her doing roughly hours that tied in with my own helped.

As for 'trying to be everything' please don't. Nobody can and it will make you ill (physically and mentally). Lower standards, home doesn't need to be spotless, you don't need to cook organic from scratch every night, and every weekend doesn't need to be activity filled! Your son needs down time too and it's actually a good thing to teach them how to relax (something my daughter really struggles with and I worry thats my fault).

golddustsparkler Tue 25-Oct-16 10:25:27

thanks, sound advice, graphista... i think you're right i need to lower my standards a bit.

i've been suffering from really bad stress to the point whereby it's affecting my skin, hair, chest pains, inflammation, croaky voice, all sorts of weird symptoms.

it just seems that everything happens at once - e.g. things in the house breaking, workmen coming over repeatedly, tons of medical appointments at once, new clients which is always extra work and stress, birthdays, xmas, arguments with ex, family responsibilities - had a full on few weeks. I can feel my health related issues coming back and yet I don't know quite how to address it - I guess i try to prevent future issues arising by doing everything in advance and well enough that it will save time in future, maybe that's a false economy - i feel like i'm drowning when there's massive lists building up though.

also you are right that my little one needs downtime. i do need to set a good example.

maybe it's time for a few days away...!

Starlight2345 Tue 25-Oct-16 15:33:55

My DS is 9.. I find they do get easier but needs change..

They don't need the physical care. I can now leave my DS in the bath while he reads a book ..He actually does a few jobs around the house. So is slightly more useful.

You still juggle the parties, appointments, work .

My DS is in cubs so get the odd night to myself..Doesn't need the same level of entertainment. He is also actually better company as in he talks some complete drivel but then so does my sister who is nearly 50.. however we can have conversations together, discuss opinions. We can watch programs that entertain us both.

I do find it much easier than pre school. Although some parts are still really tough.

graphista Tue 25-Oct-16 18:29:36

Yes they become better company. I've loved seeing my daughter developing into a young woman. My conversations with her now are thought provoking, funny and entertaining. That becomes more so as they get older. She's a great help at home and very independant. More so than many of her peers.

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