Quick background. We have been together on and off for 6years (We never lived together) all ways said he hair savings (good job) and a yr before I fell pregnant said he bought a house. All turned out to be lies! Said he had a gambling problem but never seen any evidence of this think that was a lie to! None of this came out until round about 20wk scan when u wanted to start buying things for baby. And he couldn't buy anything! I forgave him and decided to try and move on. The lies never stopped even over stupid things that didn't need to be lied about he would just randomly make stuff up for no reason! I had planned on moving in together to be a family that never happened! Fast forward to ds coming up to his 1st and I've had enough. Can count on both hands the amount of times he's contributed to the financial cost or bringing up ds. At the beginning he came every weeekend to see ds and that got less and less and he would blame me. Because I didn't txt or call him on said day. When he knew I was expecting cause already been spoke about. I have always asked for help with money to buy stuff for ds and it was always yes no prob I'll give xyz on x but would always have an excuse he forgot it, his card isn't working, he put in the wrong details when trying to transfer it etc etc. So ds 1st birthday was coming up 6wks before I had a chat said it was acceptable to carry on this way. That he need to stick to days to see ds and pay maintenance regularly! And if this didn't happen then he should just walk away and never come back. Because it's not fair in ds. And I said that this is what would happen if he didnt. He agreed and also agreed to pay to months back money for the amount we had agreed said he had it. (Which he should) would make regular payments the 1st of every month. He said he would bring the back money next wknd. That wknd came and gone he apologised. He said next wknd 100% ok that's fine. As expected still nothing. So I stoped responding. Eventually just before ds birthday he transferred the2 months back money we agreed to. Let him come and see ds. After that nothing so I said no to visits. He hardly asks. Think it's only if he's not put with friends etc. Stoped replying to txt/calls etc so he turned up at house I said no he couldn't see ds. And said he had to set up direct-debit before he could. Said he did this but because all he does is lie I said not until it's actually went into my account he set it up for the next month so again he was missing the month he was in. Gets to date I say he can see ds on x date date after money suppose to be transferred. All agreed. Surprise surprise no money. He txt me to ask what time to come over I said don't bother. He said it had came out and was coming over to show he did. Waved his phone in front of my face and said he called the bank and it would be in my account on the Monday. But the money had left his etc etc. I knew it was lies. But said ok well u can see him. Monday. He left angry obviously. Monday came and went. that was weeks ago and still nothing. So aibu to think you either help raise ds emotionally and financially or not at all? Because my dad did that to me would only see him birthday and xmas same month and that was it. I don't want the for my ds I think I would of been better not seeing my dad at all! My ds doesn't even know his dad. So is it not best to cut contact just now? Again exp has good job there should be nothing stopping him. He says he wants to see him and help but then it never happens. Apart from when he feels like turning up ! Sorry it's so long didn't want to drip feed and I've ended up rambling!
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Aibu to not let exp see son if he doesn't pay maintenance
notdoingittomyson · 16/10/2016 06:32
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I feel for you op, went through similar with my dd1 dad. Tried to keep maintenance between us but slowly dwindled out and now don't get a penny! Have gone through csa but because he is self employed he wangles it so he doesn't pay a parent! 
at the same time his visits with dd1 get few and far between to the point that now she's lucky if she sees him once a year but unfortunately when he does make that contact to see her once in a blue moon I do still allow even though it's not regular and he pays nothing! She is 11 now though and we split up when she was born so I've had this for so long, my parents always wanted me to stop contact but I never did because at the end of the day they are their dad no matter how shot they are and the last thing you want is them resenting you when they are older stating you stopped them seeing their dad because that is how it will end up been twisted
when they are old enough they will understand and see that they did nothing for them financially or emotionally. My dd is now beginning to see this and although she still agrees to see him she stopped asking for this a few years ago and now she doesn't even mention him between visits. It's still fucks me off now but less so although I have to say that when I got with my current partner the fact he pays weekly maintenance on time every week used to make me madder dd dad doesn't but again that's now passed and I've accepted again. It's probably not want you want to hear but please don't give him a reason to twist it to your fault there has been no contact when your ds is older x
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