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Just after a hand hold please

(8 Posts)
lovelilies Wed 12-Oct-16 11:14:19

Too long to go into, but after years of splitting up and getting back together, I'm finally realising that this is it. I'm a single parent of 3.
Oldest is 11, youngest is only 4 months.
I kept thinking exDP would step up and treat us all properly but although he has improved somewhat, it's not enough.
I already live alone with the DCs so there isn't anything big about to happen, just need to stop pissing about giving ExP chances and move on with my life instead of living in cloud cuckoo land that we will all be one big happy family together again sad.
I've started the CM claim for the littlest one today.
Just been having a little cry, no one iRL to moan to right now.

1potato2potato3potato4 Wed 12-Oct-16 11:18:59

I'll hold your had OP, been there. SP to 4 youngest is 1. Also spent years with the dicking about. I went to counselling which helped me so so much. Never thought I'd get here but I'm finally over it.
You'll get there, and trust me it's definitely worth it.
Ball achingly difficult in the meantime. But it's when you finally realise you have to move on now that it starts.

abbsismyhero Wed 12-Oct-16 11:22:40

Sp to three here its easier alone but I wont lie its lonely as hell some days deal with the official side of things and look around for some new friends it helps to make a fresh start

Helpisathand13 Wed 12-Oct-16 11:24:30

Hi lovelilies consider your hand firmly held and ever so gently squeezed. Have the cry you need and let the grief of the relationship loss take over for a few minutes. You've reached a decision and that's fantastic in itself. Focus on you and the kiddiewinks. When you need a hug just ask. Best wishes xxx

lovelilies Wed 12-Oct-16 11:59:16

Thank you guys so much. It's crazy, but the support I've found on MN has been priceless.

This has made me cry again!

lovelilies Wed 12-Oct-16 12:27:51

I have had counselling in the past re ExP so may try again, it's ££ though.
I'm finding myself feeling very resentful towards ExP that I'm 'tied to the house/kids' and he can pretty much enjoy a carefree life.

I think it's part and parcel of having a tiny one though, once she's older I can have a little freedom.

lovelilies Wed 12-Oct-16 12:31:05

I know it's stupid, but I also feel a bit like I've failed because I'm a LP on a council estate, and fee like people judge me.

If I'd stayed with ExP we would potentially have a big house in a posh area etcetc.

He makes digs about where I live now.

I'll never have his earning potential

Helpisathand13 Wed 12-Oct-16 12:50:47

Money isn't everything I know it certainly helps and we could all benefit from more. But from what you describe you are rich in many ways far greater than his potentially posh house and lifestyle. Think positively about what you have and can have with a life without him and the love and pleasure of your children. It really is a new beginning for you and one that you will feel anxious about due to change but also hopeful and optimistic. My ex lives in our old home big house, lovely garden, nice car I wish him well. He has his money and his single man lifestyle, good luck to him. I started again and it was not easy but I know we am far happier with our life, my DS and I separate from him. I have a lovely family and the greatest of friends. I never realised how much I appeased him until the split and it took me ages to make simple choices even on little things because I had lost me in the relationship. Sending you love, strength and courage. X

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