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Hi just looking for some support and advice :(:(

(4 Posts)
kirstyleighx Mon 10-Oct-16 14:42:11

I am a single mum of 2, my oldest daughter resides with my mum and dad because at the time she was born I was in a bad place and my relationship with my babys dad was a mess I was emotionally and sometimes physical bullied from him and his family and friendssad I suppose im and idiot too because I stayed with him and had hope that I could fix things i actually made things more difficult and fell pregnant to him again and he left me when I had 8 weeks left of my pregnancy and convinced him self and others my baby wasn't his . I didnt no what to do or what to expect as my mum was diagnosed with cancer when I first found out about my pregnancy and wasn't able to be there and support me as much as she would have liked to and I couldn't have expected a lot of help because she already has my other daughter to look after I felt so scared and alone and still dosadsad my little girl is growing up so fast she will be one next month and her dad still hasn't bothered with her also my mum is still unwell and hasn't been able to help I haven't had time to myself since she was born I have lost all my friends due to what happend and I also feel scared to go out incase i get attacked or confronted buy my ex partner or any of his family and friends in struggling to keep my little one amused during the day and I just want someone to listen and not to judge because I am really upset and struggling to get on with things on my own sadsad

g059902 Thu 13-Oct-16 02:54:56

Do you mind me asking how old you are?

You are extremely lucky to have your mum and her support, so much so that she looks after your eldest ft? Wow.
I have zero family support around me - it's hard at times but me and my 2 babies have a good life.
Are you living in stable accomodation?

I think initally if you are feeling threatened to the point where you don't want to leave the house you need to speak to the police about that. Get some new friends. Quickly. If the ones around you are no longer in your life then perhaps they weren't real friends after all? You will only find a handful people in this lifetime that will be there for you always and forever, and for your children.
It seems like you have been through a rough time, however, I do feel like this has been going on for some time when it didn't need to. Do you have any local bodies supporting you health visitors? Etc? I would expect some sort of interest in your eldests life as she (?) is staying with your mum?

I would suggest you build your life, a good life, for you and the children. Firstly, protecting them and you from this person if he is abusive etc. You can't have him around the children and not you. Seek legal advice. Harassment orders? Injunctions? At least for now...until you are in a better place to deal with things.
Concentrate on your own well being and if you haven't got anywhere stable to live for you and the children get that sorted immediately. Get your eldest back rom your mum. She's had her long enough and it's time for you to do your job. Obviously she's been a big part of your mums life...this will be gradual ideally...1night a week for a few weeks...then 2 so on and so forth.
You will find that when you have the eldest for a few nights as well as the baby your mum will be able to assist with babysitting so you can have time to yourself. However, I have to say it lovely unfortunately when you become a mum when they are so young your life is theirs especially in these circumstances.
If you were my daughter she would have been told to fix up, nmand concentrate on looking after her babies. Unfortunately you come second after them...if your having a hard time with someone then remove them from your life until they are ready to talk sense and out the children's needs first.
From what you have said the pair of you have been back and forth for a variety of reasons while your mum does your job?
She has enough to deal with. Get your house in order. Get your head in order. Remove dead wood until you are in a better position o deal with and him too and focus on bringing those children up. Focus on what you should be doing you will quickly find that all this stress and worry will disappear. You have a lot to do to keep you occupied. Forget that wolly and get on building a life for you and your children.

kirstyleighx Thu 13-Oct-16 10:15:38

I am 22 and my two little girls are are 4 and 11 months xx i would just like to say thank you so much for ypu have made me feel a lot better after reading this and i feel a little more positive too,you are rite my mum has been a huge support she has done a great job with my little girl nd when I'm settled down and have my house sorted out I will start to get over night and gradually build things up. I was getting a lot of support from social work but they have gone now a gd thing I guess now just to get this house in order after Christmas and work towards getting my little girl bk xxx

g059902 Thu 13-Oct-16 10:54:32

It's tight being a young parent. I wasn't one myself however I supported my younger brothers a lot including having them live with me; their custody battles and mental health issues all the while having a 2 year old and working a full time job in a high profile role.
For right or wrong, good or bad you decided to have those babies. They are your responsibility and yours alone. Your mum has been your saving grace but if she wasn't there what would you have done? You wouldn't have been blessed with children if you weren't able to cope or manage you just need to prioritize what you need to cope and manage ith and that is not boys. That's is your children and you. You successfully bought those children into this world and all they want to be loved by their mummy. I have just ooted a post on here...have a look...its called I don't know what to the same topic.
Trust me when I say that life will always give you curve balls. What is important is that you are prepared to handle it. You get up everyday with a smile on your face and deal with it. One at at a time. Until life gets easier.
Housing is a problem or young mums however you are in a strong position to get support. If you cannot financially get a private rent go to the council you should be able to get something fairly quickly...
Enjoy the children. Bond with them. Do things that they want and need. Change your mindset and remember in ten years you want to look back on this chapter in your life and say I done that for myself and my kids and I enjoyed the time I had with them. You won't ever get it back.

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