Single mum.

(10 Posts)
user1476058990 Mon 10-Oct-16 01:31:20

Just a bit of advice.

I'm 21 and just recently found out I'm pregnant. This did come as a huge shock as I was on the pill and never missed one. My now Ex partner (38) has decided he can't got through with this and wants us to break up.

So he's 38 got 3 kids 14,13, 2
I understand him not wanting another child but months previous he was saying how we should have a baby and it would be the best thing to happen to him, I however wasn't prepared to take on that responsibility. We continued to be sexually active and I continued to take the pill. Yet here I am pregnant and single.

The night I found out my partner had his daughter (agreed visits) so instead of worrying him with this I decided to wait until he dropped her off to tell him the news.

Once he found out he immediately made it clear he wants no more kids and I was in this alone. Countless times he's tried to push me into having an abortion and I cannot do that to me or my baby.

Anyway long story short,

After pushing for an abortion, telling me it will wreck his and his children's lives and he can't do it I feel uncomfortable with the fact my baby will have to be a part of his life. How can I live knowing my child is fathered by someone who never really wanted them?

Does he have rights if he's not on the birth certificate and makes no effort to turn up to appointments even after being informed?

(Sorry it's long)

tickertyboo Mon 10-Oct-16 12:58:05

Trust your instinct and have your baby. I must warn you that it will be very hard going it alone. My son's father did not want him either. But I wanted him and that's all that is important.

Look after yourself and the little one.

Akire Mon 10-Oct-16 13:02:07

He may not want another child but this dosnt stop fact he is going have one. Quite childish at his age and with 3 kids already to be prepared to be a father to them but not the 4th?? Even if he never wants contact the child may want met him eventual and this dosnt stop him of course paying for up keep of child.

jojosprules Tue 11-Oct-16 19:38:24

I'm in a similar situation although my ex is 26 like me and has no children. He's also not on the bc as I didn't want him to have any rights although he can push through the court if he wanted to to prove paternity via a dna test. However downside is that you can't claim maintenance from him as no proof of him being the father. I hope this helps. Do you have any family as it is hard doing it alone I'm lucky that my parents took me back in at home to support both me and baby. Let me know if you want to chat. X

qwom Tue 11-Oct-16 19:45:10

He would have to apply for parental responsibility if his name isn't on the birth certificate. Better off without him in your baby's life. Never deny the child who it's father is though. Your baby will need that to help with its sense of identity. You probably won't have to worry about that until they start asking about it though :-)

redsky21 Tue 11-Oct-16 19:52:27

Jojosprules he does not need to be on the birth certificate for you to be able to claim maintenance. If he were to deny paternity, the Child Maintenance Service would require him to do a DNA test. If he refuses, they then presume parentage.

user1476058990 Tue 11-Oct-16 19:58:25

Thank you everyone for your answers, I'm still trying to get some clarity. Really don't understand how men can act this way, I had an early scan a couple of days ago and did ask if he wanted to attend however no show, that was it for me if he wants to be there he's had his chance. I would never deny any child the knowledge of a parent, I will make it through and me and my baby will be just fine, the bond we will have will be too strong to be broken.

Thanks again everyone for giving me clarity halostarsmile

jojosprules Wed 12-Oct-16 08:26:17

Redsky really so you can claim without his name? Not that it makes a difference to me! My waste of space ex doesn't work or claim benefits cozy it's too much bother to do either!! Luckily his parents do care about my daughter and put money into her savings every month as they knew I couldn't afford to save alongside living lol.

redsky21 Sat 15-Oct-16 08:09:16

Jojo yes definitely, I have done it myself. My ex is not on our sons birth certificate and I have claimed maintenance for several years. Might not be much use to you now but something to remember for the future should your ex start working. Like I said should he deny paternity, it's down to him to prove he's not the father, not you to prove he is.

user1476058990 Sat 15-Oct-16 09:21:50

Thanks, the situation just gets worse really. On Tuesday we discovered my 18 year old sister has bone cancer, then I was hospitalised with a suspected miscarriage on Thursday night and now he's denying that he is the baby's father. Thankfully baby is healthy and doing fine but I just don't know how I'm going to cope going through all this stress

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