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user1475003724 Tue 27-Sep-16 20:37:19

Ok, so this a long one so bear with me! It's taken me a lot of courage to finally speak out (even if it is anon!) but here goes...

So I had my son six years ago, and had PND with him. I sought help but gave up with it after a while as didn't feel like I was progressing, just muddled on day to day as normal. I then had my daughter two years ago and my PND was a million times worse. Didn't want to get up, leave the house, stopped eating and sleeping. I was a zombie and a complete mess. I made the decision for my children to go and live with their dad, just until I could get my head straight and sort myself out. Admittedly I didn't do any form of seeking help at first. Just stayed in bed all day and drank way too much. Then my family found out...

Luckily they gave me a kick up the butt and helped me go in the right direction, I went to therapy and completed my course, then spoke to my ex and asked for the children back. He point blank refused (well, more his new Mrs stuck her nose in and said no!) so naturally I took him to court for a residential order on the kids.

After 11 months of court battles, social services getting involved, death threats galore by his new bird, I won the kids back. Things were going great at first, found routine really quickly and the kids settled straight back in with me. It was scary and daunting but my head was in a positive place and I was determined!

Over the past few months, I found myself falling down the same slippery slope of depression. My moods were all over the place, my fuse was short and my tolerance levels were so low. So I put myself straight back in touch with the therapy (still awaiting them to contact me with an appointment)

I am really struggling with the kids. I would never do anything to hurt them, never let them go without a meal or not bath them, they go to school and get their education. It's just me, I'm in such a dark place inside my own head that I don't know what to do (besides the previously mentioned therapy I'm waiting for) I need help, I need support, I need something!

I'm still going through a court battle for their dad to actually have contact with his kids (ironic that this time last year he was fighting for them to stay with him and now he doesn't want to know them - gradually lowering his contact with them) so there's no support there from him, my family have been fantastic but o don't want to keep pestering them (my mum had a heart attack two years ago and I don't want to be the one who gives her another one)I've written a list of who I could contact for help - i.e. Children's centre, school, social services etc. I'm on benefits and don't have a massive income so really can't afford child minders or babysitters for a bit of respite. It probably sounds really selfish but I'm just so low right now I need a point in the right direction, has anyone else had this? I'm so stuck right now someone please help me. I feel so alone and so low, I'm not thinking straight at all! And to top it all off I have sh*tty neighbors who are so noisy all the time adding to my stress and depression and struggling to get a move. I've contacted the council for support with that but I haven't had very much luck!

Someone must be able to help a desperate single mum out advice wise?? I'm scared I'm going to have a breakdown and it's literally terrifying me! Someone please help me 😢

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