Hi all. In recent weeks DS age 17 has been given all that he needs to be able to travel by train for his contact with his dad. We have a station very near us, there's a bus that drops him virtually outside from a little bus station that's 5 mins walk from our house. At 17 he's more than capable of doing the journey and, as a child who never leaves his Xbox/bedroom, he very much needs to start doing stuff like this - it's unrealistic for him to expect to be chauffeur driven everywhere. We used to meet for contact (a 75 mile round trip for each party) at a service station roughly midway from mine and XHs homes. For the last year DD has not been coming with us on this journey to have her contact (that's a WHOLE other sad story that if you heard it would show XH and his family in an incredibly bad light) so that it's just DS in the car. I have continued to support him in this journey by ferrying him there and back every other weekend even though the contact order which XH insisted on actually ceased to apply in July 2015. I continued to support contact like this until DS started college in September and gave two months notice that I wouldn't be doing it any more from then. I said I hoped he'd enjoyed that massive additional extra support he'd received by me doing this but it was time for a change and would do DS good to stand on his own two feet. For someone working full time with no support around her, I think it's been pretty fabulous of me to continue to do it all that time as it's cost a fortune in petrol (obviously it goes without saying, he's never said "thanks for doing that, I really appreciate it" !!).
This is what dear, dear XH has just emailed me:
^DS wants to start driving lessons too which is great news for him. With the money I send monthly can you get him regular driving lessons locally? In addition, I'll organise lessons and we'll pay for them here for when he comes down.
I'm looking at train timetables for next week. I'll let you know timetable but it's expensive and difficult for DS. If you could meet as usual it'd be easier for him as he's clearly not happy with trains etc. Let me know if you will do that?^
This man is a veritable asshat. He perpetuates DSs fear of doing anything that takes him outside of his bedroom and his most narrow experience of the world, he's moaning about paying £16 for a ticket - I've never moaned about taking DS at my cost and on my time 28 times more than I was required to.
XH has an absolutely shocking and totally whiney absence of responsibility with no ability to just get on and sort him out with his train travel - you would think DS was being required to plan a solo trip round the world the way he's moaning on about it.
And then telling me how to spend the 'money he gives me' (like it's a bloody favour!!). I've just started a new job after 4 months out of work and the money is not as good or anywhere near what I was on the year before and I've no idea if I can even meet my bills until I've had a few pays come in and I see how we manage, but I certainly can't add blinkin' driving lessons into the mix.
I'm so sick of XHs whining and belly aching when for the first time he's actually got to do something for himself, be responsible for it (ie paying for and facilitating the train travel for DS) and apparently his whole world has crumbled. And I don't particularly want to pay for driving lessons or anything else for DS anyway - I've given DS £10 twice in the last approx 9 weeks to go get his hair cut. The money's been absorbed into his lunch money and he's barefaced lied to me that 'I promise I'll get it cut tomorrow', repeatedly, but he still looks like Bamber Gascgoine so he hasn't gone and had it cut yet he's spent the money on effing Lucozade, so why should I pay out for driving lessons for him (even if I did think I could afford it) when this is how unappreciative he is of the money that he does get given!
Rrrrrrrrrrr.
I've honestly not experienced such a massive fuss and overreaction to something SO simple as DS switching to going for contact by train. I fear we may be entering mediation shortly if it gets any worse. XH is clearly getting flack from his rancid wife and no doubt all the rest of his family are going ahhh poor you poor DS, you ex wife (me) is a right harsh cow (and I guarantee they will be).
Hey ho. What is wrong with these men for goodness sakes.
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36 replies
Pollyanna9 · 24/09/2016 07:45
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