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Husband left for another woman but..

(18 Posts)
Krgoliver Mon 19-Sep-16 21:19:13

Last week my husband left us for his co-worker, who also happens to be married with 4 kids. I caught him sending messages to her about a month ago, we talked it through, he said he wanted to work things through. Last week, I found a hotel booking he'd made. Not for us. That was the end, he'd chosen her and not his family.

We've been together 15yrs. He'd cheated early on in our relationship but we worked it out and I thought were happily ever after, ever since. To say it was a shock is an understatement. I am devastated but I've chosen not to let him win. Every time he's around, I'm slapping a smile on my face and I'm trying my best not to get angry or to cry in front of him.

This is where it gets ridiculous, apparently he still wants his cake and eat it. He suggested to me that we keep an on going "friends with benefits" arrangement going. He'll text and flirt with me very openly. Its so frustrating. He wants it but is also very worried about me sharing this information with his new woman. I have actual proof he's already not being faithful to her. When I first found out about the affair, I messaged her as I have her number to congratulate, her and him on destroying 2 marriages and 6 kids lives between them. I also obviously know where she works.

I really want to take the high road, so badly. They are both in the wrong and karma will come round and bite them in the arse soon enough, but I really want to give it a swift helping hand. I want her to know exactly what he's like and I want him for once to own his issues. It so frustrating, having to be the one who was left heartbroken, and picking up the pieces, while they're off enjoying a new relationship. I know in reality their relationship has major flaws, not only because of how it came about but the complications, with work and her ex/4 kids but it still doesn't make me feel better, and having this ammo, is just so very tempting..


Tootsiepops Mon 19-Sep-16 21:21:39

I'd go ahead and land him right in it grin

rhuhbarb4 Mon 19-Sep-16 21:22:58

Do it, why not? It'll make you feel better and he will have all of his cake taken away grin

hownottofuckup Mon 19-Sep-16 21:24:10

Don't do it! He'll twist it round to make you look like the crazy, psycho, stalker ex and she's put so much on the line to be with the twat she might well be desperate enough to believe him.
Leave them to their own misery, the best revenge is living well as they say flowers

TheVirginQueen Mon 19-Sep-16 21:25:27

Does he not think that the fact that he's betrayed you and humiliated you would be a turn off for you?

Wow. Is he a robot?

I like to flirt with people when there is, I don't know, the promise of something to come. Flirting with somebody when there's nothing but ashes and rubble and pain is the most bizarre suggestion I've ever read.

DietCockBreak Mon 19-Sep-16 21:26:01

Just do it, what's the worst that can happen (to you - fuck them, obviously).

fuzzywuzzy Mon 19-Sep-16 21:26:27

Get yourself a very good lawyer and start divorce proceedings.

Get friends and family and real life support.

Sort out your finances and house and child contact. Do practical stuff. Start moving forward. I found when I was doing things I felt more in control and it helped me to keep occupied.

As for ow, well she's made her bed, she can find out in her own good time the prize she's won herself.

The pain will ease, and in time you will look back in relief you are no longer with him.

Btw if he offers a FWB arrangement again laugh in his face.

Chocolate123 Mon 19-Sep-16 21:28:14

What an idiot. I'd leave them to it she'll find out soon enough what he's like and I'd ignore his texts. She'd probably not believe you at the moment thinking you are just making up lies to get back at him. They deserve each other let them mess this up too. flowers

TheVirginQueen Mon 19-Sep-16 21:29:08

When you say ''every time he is around'' that suggests that he comes and goes as he pleases.

Knock that on the head. If he's left you then he can't check in and out like you're air b&b.

You're not. Your home is your home if you're no longer a couple. (if he's shagging somebody else you're no longer a couple).

I don't mean to be blunt, it's just that he is taking the piss and sometimes it's harder to see the picture in focus when you're in the frame too.

lemonzest123 Mon 19-Sep-16 21:30:02

He sounds the absolute PITS.

How bloody DARE he suggest FWB after what he's done? I'm so angry on your behalf OP!

Normally I say stay out of it, it's none of your business but sod it, land the stupid fucker in it before her kids get attatched to him.

Marilynsbigsister Mon 19-Sep-16 21:31:34

Absolutely go for it. Why not ? I have never understood why in these circumstances you wouldn't . They have seriously upset the lives of you and 6 kids. Even if desperate to believe it will sow a little disharmony and distrust in paradise. A recording is best ! Can't pretend it's you manipulating then !!
Probably won't have any effect but willl bring you a little bit of pleasure at a dark time. flowersflowers for you OP. You will come out of this stronger.

Mybeardeddragonjustdied2016 Mon 19-Sep-16 21:34:47

Forward all the messages. She will forgive him of course but it will niggle at her every day. And eventually it will break them. And then you DON'T take him back.

Krgoliver Mon 19-Sep-16 21:38:30

*Fuzzywuzzy - Everything has been put in place, I have started getting finances in order, I have contacted my solicitor and I'm looking to move closer to friends and the little family I have. I can do no more than I've already done. Its just a waiting game now, until the finances are sorted.

I have already told him, that it will not be happening and I have started moving on. I have major anxiety issues and in the past have suffered from depression, so I'm moving forward as best I can. That is, like I said, slapping a big fat fake smile on my face while he is around. Not only as my coping mechanism but for our kids.

This apparently is like a red flag to him, and he's been very forward and careless in how he's shown me he wants "FWB". He's even said, I clearly can't be faithful, so I may as well just own it.. ugh. Its lines like that, that make me angry and want to drop him in it.. not to mention my anger at her. I'm not sure how a woman who has her own marriage and kids can inflict such pain on children by doing what both of them have done.

Krgoliver Mon 19-Sep-16 21:42:26

*TheVirginQueen - When I say he comes around, its to see the kids. He currently lives in a single room shared house. So he has no where to see the kids other than ours. Our daughter has autism, so the change of routine is a lot for her, so for the moment, he visits, when he can be bothered, at the house.

He doesn't have a key, and the kids are always there and that is the only time he is around. However that doesn't stop him from texting me or calling.

MsAdorabelleDearheartVonLipwig Mon 19-Sep-16 21:59:37

What sort of phone have you got? Can you screenshot the messages with his name clearly on there? She can't say you've made it up if you show her the messages with his name clearly attached.

Krgoliver Mon 19-Sep-16 22:09:00

I have a phone where I can screen shot, and have captured a picture with his number, and date in it. So she can't argue with what he's done. I'm so conflicted though.

Ldnmum2015 Tue 03-Jan-17 18:39:53

I had an ex who 2 days after he married his other woman behind my back, came round to mine like nothing happened, I never let him in, but so wish i had a witnesss or been able to record his conversation. Then about a year later he randomly sent me a voicemail, asking when are we going to hook up (at the time i believed he'd meant to call someone else!) this time i saved the recording, then called him and confronted him, he denied it all, called me an obsessive etc blah blah, then the new wife came on the phone so i played her the tape, and then told her to tell him not to contact me again as i don't want to be forced to go to the police to report it, then hung up. He never dared bother me again!

Ldnmum2015 Tue 03-Jan-17 18:50:51

Even if she doesn't believe you, he'll know not to bother you again, with me, my voice message had the time and date, also knowing she is the paranoid type she would have checked the phone bill not the phone. I honestly never cared whether she believed me or not, she already knew he was a cheat as he was cheating on me for 3 months, but I needed him to stay away so I could move on, I had burn any bridges as it were!

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