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Where does she stand?

(10 Posts)
kevster1982 Wed 14-Sep-16 12:34:47

My girlfriend's children's father seems to be wanting to constantly make things difficult regarding the children. They both went to court over their children and residence was granted accordingly. The father somehow managed to work it so that he didn't have to pay any maintenance at all for his 2 children (he is claiming benefits 'officially' but is, and has been working cash in hand as a lorry driver for sometime).

As the order stated he doesn't have to pay for anything, he has been requesting that my girlfriend provides everything when she drops them off to him, including all school uniform, pays for all school trips and clubs, and now he has even asked for her to provide underwear for the children! Next he will be asking her to provide food for them when they are with him!

I just want to know where she stands as she struggles to find to find the money to constantly do this and he uses this against her, and tries to turn the children against her by saying "Mummy never takes you anywhere. not like I do" and that's because every last penny she has is spent on providing for the children where as he takes them to theme parks and out for dinner almost every time he has them.

It's not fair on her, she tries so hard to comply with but I want to know what he is expected to pay for as the children are getting older and their needs will become more expensive.

Many thanks for any advice on this.

Seeyouontheotherside Wed 14-Sep-16 12:38:36

Report him for benefit fraud and tell them who he works cash in hand for. Then he'll lose his benefits, be forced to declare his real income and she'll get maintenance from him.

kevster1982 Wed 14-Sep-16 12:45:07

Apparently this has been done before and nothing happened. He's very good at keeping it hidden.

CodyKing Wed 14-Sep-16 12:50:45

If it's shared care he should provide 50/50

Half the clothes half the food half the trips - she needs to stand up not take him back to court

kevster1982 Wed 14-Sep-16 12:56:20

that's what I thought too, but he is adamant he doesn't have to provide for anything as he has 50 / 50. He won't buy things for them, he will let them go to school in rags and tell the school its their Mum's fault for not providing.

CodyKing Wed 14-Sep-16 14:00:38

Then let the school know -

I work in a school - we know when the children have been at one parent or other depending on if they have their stuff or correct uniforms coat etc

It gets flagged up -

Fourormore Wed 14-Sep-16 19:19:49

He's talking nonsense. No school will listen to that. If he has 50/50, the reason he doesn't have to pay maintenance is because he is assumed to be providing what the children need while they are with him.

Opentooffers Thu 15-Sep-16 11:39:31

50/50 residence with no maintenance means he is responsible for paying half. He is making the last bit up about not having to pay for anything, I suspect your GF knows this but it is loath to stand up to him because she may be worried that if she doesn't provide, he won't either and the children will be the ones without.
She needs to try to stand firm and the reality can easily be tested by not providing school uniform for when they are with him. Is he really going to let them go to school without appropriate clothes while they are in his care? If he does, then it will be the school contacting him and it will reflect poorly on his care, nothing to do with your GF's capabilities.
I doubt the children would be scarred for life from not having correct attire for a short period - they would possibly get sent home to him which would dent his extra earning ability, so he'd see pretty fast that it is in his interests to provide.

Opentooffers Thu 15-Sep-16 11:50:24

PS. She should resist sending the children to their fathers care in anything other than the clothes they are standing up in - that goes for toys and food.
End of her care, means end of any necessary provision.
She needs to look at the order again, does it really state that he does not have to pay for anything, while she must pay for everything? I doubt that, unless she was earning well at the time of the agreement, in which case, other than reporting on his benefit fraud, she may have to suck it up or go to court to change it.

stripesstpots Thu 15-Sep-16 14:37:43

The whole point of not paying maintenance if you have your children 50/50 is because you provide for them the 50% they are with you. He is an idiot.

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